Date: Fri Nov 21, 2014
From: Cody <codyboarder@hotmail.com>
From the Clear Lake Capers
~What makes Tanner Tick?~
By Cody Snowe!
Chapter 2
Condoms & Queefs!
~What makes Tanner Tick?~ (2) by Cody S.
Disclaimer: This story involves homosexual acts between two or more under-age boys. If this offends you, or is illegal for you to view, or you are too young to read it, leave now and do not return. This story is entirely fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead, or to actual events is entirely coincidental.
Copyright is to me, and this story may not be reproduced anywhere without my prior permission.
Chapter 2
Maybe I can get in a pick-up game of volleyball or beach football with some older boys, and who knows what can happen from there? But I'm feeling kinda lucky today, so I have a feeling if I find the right group of thirteen to sixteen year olds, and play it right, I may get rewarded for my patience. Hopefully, one of them will invite me to their house. Or I may be bringing home more than just a tan at the end of the day.
Or, just maybe a bunch of them will want to come back here and hit the pool? A naked swim has happened quite a few times before.
“FUCK, where did mom put my backpack? My fuckin loser of a brother better not have taken it with him on his rafting trip. Think I'll piss on his toothbrush again when I take a shit before I hit the beach. Oh well I thought, I can at least start gathering shit together. I threw a tube of sunscreen on my bed, and a water football and Frisbee. Hummm, thinking to myself, I reached into my nightstand drawer that I keep all my soft flannel, jacking underwear in, the real soft well worn ones that I don't wear anymore, and grabbed a pair and my bottle of ky lube, they may come in handy today.....at least I hope so.
What else? Sunglasses would help, but where did I leave them? I walked into the kitchen and there they were on top of an envelope with, “Tanner Sweety” written on it. Well, I guess it's not from Dakota then. I opened it up and there was a couple hundred dollars cash, some gift certificates to a local pizza place, and some for a burger joint too.
Also a credit card with a sticky note attached reading “For Emergencies Only!” Kool, I want some new board shorts and a mask and snorkel, I'm sure that constitutes an Emergency....right? Fuck it, they probably won't even notice my spending spree. Besides, there off in Hawaii charging a vacation, and writing off Mai-Tai's, roast suckling piglet, and probably para-sailing.....So Fuck It! I grabbed some of the cash and made my way back to my room and then the bathroom.
Ahhh, at least I found my backpack on the bathroom floor. I sat down and took a wicked shit. Kinda runny though, a green meany for sure. Probably from the shit I drank last night at the bbq. I stuck a plastic enema bottle I keep under the sick up my rump and douched myself real good, before sitting back down and letting go again. Ahhh, that's better, gotta keep a clean ass, especially with the mission in mind I have planned. After wiping real good I grabbed a roll of butt wipe and went back into my room.
I threw all the shit in my backpack along with a towel, my cell phone, camcorder, and a few other things. I also grabbed an ice chest out of the garage, and made my way to the kitchen. I hit the fridge like Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, and started loading up for a very long day. I was gonna call Porter, my friend from school, and one of the guys me and Sash hang around. He's pretty cute too and he's one of the few my age and grade that I'd let bang me. Thing is with him, I've had my doubts about him before. Something in his body language and the way he talks and hints around, tells me he would be down for my kind of fun.
I guess time will tell, cause I'm gonna turn that rock over when the time comes. Anyway soda, Gatorade, bottled water, and snacks. Kool, mom made some deli sandwiches for me for the next couple days. Shit there's gotta be about eight or ten of em in here. Plus more sandwich meat and cheese if I need more. I grabbed three sandwiches, a tub of potato salad and some dill pickles. I threw it all in the ice chest covered it in ice, and grabbed a bag of potato chips and pretzels from the pantry and jammed them in the backpack.
Fuckin thing looks knocked up with all the shit I jammed in it. This is gonna be a heavy trip, glad I don't havta go far. The beach is less that a block down a dirt road from our house. And since I'm not parking cause I don't have a fuckin car and I'm not old enough to drive, I don't have to pay to get in. Not that I would anyway. Last time the security guard, or, “the sweaty fucker with the big nose” as we like to call him, hassled me and Porter about something, we waited till he stepped away from his little check stand at the gate to do the rounds, and we pissed in his car. All over the seat, wish I coulda stayed and watched when the fat ugly fucker sat in it.
Oh yah, back to Porter, I think I'll pass on calling him today since this is a recon mission after all, and he may just get in the way. Besides, I have plans for him later in the week for a sleepover at my place. His mom's nice, but reeks of stupidity. She'll be clueless that we'll be alone. If she asks to speak to my mom I'll just say “I'm sorry ma'am, but she's in orbit aboard the space shuttle”. She'll probably say “Oh, that's nice dear, you boys have a good time.” His dad's about a dumb-fuck too, think he was an extra in that movie Deliverance!
Fuck it, I'm outta here. I think they say happy hunting? Anyway I lit out the door with my backpack on my back and my ice chest in hand. It was heavy, so I had to keep changing hands, as it was leaving marks in my palms. I stopped at the pharmacy on the corner across from the beach to pick something up that crossed my mind a few times. What if I get lucky and find the perfect boy or teen for me and he's some kind of a prude or something, and won't stick it up my fanny without protection?
I mean, it's not like he can catch anything from me, right? I mean, I'm fuckin eleven. But maybe he's some kind of a clean freak or has a germ phobia? Or he's afraid of getting, I don't know, a piece of corn from my anus, stuck in his pee-slit? Fuck, when it comes time for me to fuck my guy I ain't gonna give a fuck. I don't care if it's dirty or clean. It can be greasy and shitty as far as I care. I mean fuck, my dick doesn't have taste buds. All I care is that's it warm and tight, after all, I'm not fucking him with my nose.....right?
Anyway I left my stuff at the door and made my way inside the pharmacy. I went up and down the isle's till I found what I was looking for. I saw one box of condoms that said small, so I grabbed them. Then I remembered they weren't for me, and put them back and just got the regular ones. Cause he's gonna be a teen if I do find a guy, and there dicks are usually normal size, not like me and my friends. I walked up to the counter and set them down.
Clerk: “Where are your parents young man?”
“Where are yours, lady?”
Clerk: “I'm not the ones buying condoms, son.”
“Of course not, you don't have a dick, so you have no need for them. And I'm not your son, Cruella!”
Clerk: “Well I think your too young to be buying these.”
“Do you get hassled when you buy Geritol or Depends, you old piece of shoe leather!”
Clerk: “I don't like your attitude young man.”
“And I don't like that turkey gobble thing hanging under your neck, you bat!”
Clerk: “Well lets ask the Police Officer in line over there what he thinks?”
“He's a Sheriffs Deputy, not a Police Officer, and why don't you announce it to the whole fuckin store, Madusa?”
I then put my fingers in my mouth and made a loud whistle. Everyone in the store looked up, as did the Deputy. I said, “Deputy, can you help me, Sir?”
The lady at the counter looked shocked that I was so bold and called the Deputy over. But he responded by walking over to the counter, standing beside me, and immediately looked down at the counter and picked up the condoms. “What seems to be the problem, son?”
The lady began to talk as if in a hurry to get her point across and not let me speak. The Deputy put up his hand as to say stop, and said, “I asked the boy, ma'am.”
“I'm just trying to buy these weenie-balloons and she jumped all up in my shit for it. Said I couldn't have them and asked where my parents are.”
Deputy: “Is that right? Is there a problem with him purchasing these ma'am?”
By now a crowd had gathered around, adult and kids of all ages as well. The lady was getting nervous as hell, and I was beginning to have fun instead of getting irritated. I didn't give a fuck. I'll whip it out and put one on in front of everyone, if they want. The woman spoke.”Well don't you think he's a little young to be purchasing condoms, Officer?”
Deputy: “It's Deputy!”
“See, I told you so!”
Clerk, looking at me angrily: “Well Deputy, don't you think he's too young?”
Deputy: “That's not my concern or business ma'am, he's not broken any laws. And there's nothing on the books that prohibits a boy from buying condoms.”
Clerk: “Well what does he need these for, he looks like he's ten or eleven.”
Deputy: “That's not my business either ma'am. He could be just picking them up for his father.”
Clerk: “Well is that the case young man?”
I said real loud so everyone could hear, “No, I started blowing Spermy Jizz-loads a few months ago and don't wanna spray Spunk all over my sheets when I Whack-off. And if I get lucky with the girl down the street, I don't wanna knock her up either!”
It had been so dead silent up till that time you could hear a pin drop, but after that the place lit up like a battlefield. Everyone was hysterical and even the Deputy was speechless, with a huge grin on his face trying not to laugh. The clerk was red in the face and stunned.
Clerk: “Oh Dear, Deputy, you still want me to sell these to him? You would never catch me buying these when I was his age.”
“That's cause they were probably made of rock or wood when you were my age!”
More laughter from the crowd.
Tanner near a MELTDOWN, beginning to shout, “Jeez, What The Fuck....You'd Think I Was Buying Alcohol Or Cigarettes Or Something! Fine Lady, I'll Put The Condoms Back And Grab A Box Of Sandwich Bags, I'm Sure They'll Work Just The Same.....FEMI-NAZI!!!
Deputy: “Show some manners and respect son. And what is your name by the way?”
“His name is Tanner, but we call him Badnews. And he's almost twelve.”
I know that voice. I looked into the crowd and said, “Sasha, what are you doing here?”
“I drove down with my sister Tash, and Sequoia. Were gonna eat lunch over at Trout Burger by the peir. Then head back home and swim and hang at the pool.”
Deputy: “Tanner?”
“Oh, sorry sir, yeah, I'm Tanner, and I'll be more respectful.” And then turning to Sasha, “No, I mean what are you doing in here, Sash?”
“Tasha is over there (pointing in a direction of the store that carried feminine hygiene products) getting some tampons. I was over here getting some baseball cards.”
“Hang on Sash, let me deal with the Deputy, here and finish this up.”
Deputy: “Well, it's your decision ma'am, but he has broken no laws and I don't think it's a wise policy to attach your values to him. And furthermore, I don't think you're the one who sets policy for this franchise. There could be legal ramifications if you refuse to sell to him based on his age. Just as it's illegal to refuse selling something to seniors, based on their age.”
That last statement gave the clerk reason to pause and you could see the wheels turning. You could tell she was rolling that exact thought over in her mind as to growing older and the discrimination that seniors face. And you could tell she “saw the light” so to speak. A light went on in her head and she had broke through to seeing things in a different manner. And that maybe she was a little too old fashioned after all. She rang the condoms up and I paid the bill. The Deputy said “I think we settled that to everyone's satisfaction.”
And then said to me, “Don't use all of these in one place.” as everyone began to laugh again.
I turned around and began to walk to the front door with Sasha, who was asking what that was all about. Meanwhile all the other boys and girls in the store, some older and some younger, were smiling at me as I went by. When we got to the door I was just about to make my way out when two cute girls about thirteen or fourteen walked up to me and each handed me a piece of paper, then walked away. I looked at each piece of paper and both of them had their name and phone number scribbled down on it. The Deputy was making his way out having had surveyed the transaction, and just looked down at me and shook his head, and smiled as he walked past.
Sash laughed when he saw the names and numbers and said,”Well, two names and two numbers, and only one of you....hummm, what should we do?”
I replied, “Alright, your in if I can hook it up.”
Sasha: “Cool, you wanna walk over and have lunch with us?”
I said, “I don't know if I'm gonna eat, cause I'm going to the beach afterward and I brought lunch with me, but yah, I'll come along. Where's Sequoia?”
Sasha replied, “He's at The Middle Earth shop looking at rocks, jewelry, and artifacts. He's into that kinda shit, He's gonna meet us at the car after we eat.”
“He's not eating”?
Sasha: “No, he said his mom is fixing lunch for everyone at the pool a little later. He spent the night with me cause you had to go. You shoulda seen that shit that happened to Nika and Cody in the treehouse.”
“Something intense?”
Sasha: “Yah, I'll tell you about it later.”
Can you grab my backpack, this ice chest is hella heavy?”
Sasha: “Yah, no prob. Here's Tash.”
Tash: “Hi Badnews, whats my lil blondy up to?”
“Hi Tasha, you look hot today.”
Tash: “Ahh Tanner, that's what I like about you, you never give up. I'm just wearing my cut-offs and a tube top today.”
“Well, it works for me.”
Sasha: “He's coming to lunch with us sis.”
Tash: “That's fine, we can use an extra. You can keep Sash company while I talk to Jenny.”
“Who's Jenny?”
Sasha: “That's Tasha's friend that works at the Lake & Sport store next to Trout Burger.”
Tash: “Yah, you two can order for me and I'll be along shortly. We can eat at one of the tables out on the patio overlooking the marina.”
I said, “Ok, what do you want?”
Tash: “Sasha knows. Here's some money you two. See you in a few minutes.”
We walked over to the entry of Trout Burger and set our stuff to the side on the tile floor and Sasha asked me “So who did you buy the condoms for?”
I replied, “For me.”
Sasha: “Who are you gonna use them with?”
“No one in particular. I just wanted to have them. And out of curiosity as well. I'm gonna try one on when I get home to see whats it's like.”
Sasha: “Kool, can I have one.”
“Sure, there's like twelve in there.“
Sasha: “Maybe if it works out with those two phone numbers you just got, they might come in handy after all.”
“Good idea Sash. Speaking of which, you remember that I have the house for a week cause everyone's gone.”
Sasha: “That's this week?”
“Yah, parents flight left out of Reno this morning. Their over the Pacific as we speak. Are you gonna be able to spend a couple nights you think?”
Sasha: “Hell Yah, mom would bonk on it, but Tasha will run interference if I ask her too. Besides, she may want to come down too, with some of her friends so they have a drinking spot....if you're kool with that?”
“Yah, it's all good. I like being around those guys. It'll be like a mini-party. My first party, awesome!”
Sasha: “Yah, speaking of parties, what happened to you last night, why'd you havta go home?”
“Ahh fuck, I drank some whiskey or something with Jace, Trav and Wesley at the peir and I puked. Mom thought I might be sick and said it's best we go home. Did I miss anything?”
Sasha: “Yahhhh, the tree house disaster, in the middle of the night. A giant branch snapped off and almost killed Cody. It tore a big section of balcony out.”
“Cool!”
Sasha: “Common, lets order. She's ready for us.”
Tanner: “Maybe she's ready for you, but she looks kinda fat and nasty to me.”
Server: “What would you like guys?”
Sasha: “Umm, a number three for Tasha, sprite, and no mayo on the sandwich.”
Server: “Ok, and you”?
Sasha: “Uhh, I'm not sure, maybe the chicken or fish sandwich? Whats the difference between the big chicken and the fish sandwich?”
I replied, “She sits on the fish sandwich!”
Sasha: “Ughhhhh, yuk.....is that true? There's no hair on it, is there?”
Server, becoming agitated: “Common guys, what do you want?”
Sasha: “I'll have the fish sandwich combo, minus the pubic hair, and a pepsi.”
Server: “Right, and your friend?”
“Tanner, you want anything?”
“Uhh, yah, just a fish taco, and please hold the queef sauce!”
The server wasn't to happy with either of us and the manager walked over and asked if there was a problem. She said that we were rude and making vile comments. He said, “If your done ordering then please pay and leave, we don't want any trouble here, and any more comments and you'll be thrown out.”
I replied, “Oh no, then we'll have to get our botulism and salmonella poisoning somewhere else.”
Then under my breath, “Fucking, fat fuck!”
The manager just gave us a dirty look and walked away. Meanwhile we paid and waited for our order. When they called out our number we grabbed our tray, made our way to the patio, and picked out a table with an umbrella and a good view. Especially of about six hot girls at the table next to us. They looked about sixteen.
Sasha: “What the fuck is queef sauce, Tanner?”
“You know, a queef, from a pussy.”
Sasha: “You mean like pussy juice”?
“Kinda, a queef Sasha. Oh, ok, you don't know. Its a pussy fart, that's a queef.”
Sasha: “So a pussy fart and a queef are the same thing then?”
“Yah, you know, when we watch porn and the guys fuckin her hard and like air gets trapped in the hole and it makes a farting sound.”
Sasha: “Haha, yah, and the chick always says “Oh, Oh!”
“Haha, yup. I bet the fat chick that took our order has Thunder Queefs!”
Sasha: “What the fucks a thunder queef?”
“It's like the Mother of all Queefs!”
Sasha: “You mean like when we pump my b-b gun up fifteen or twenty times instead of four or five like were supposed to. It lets out a much more powerful burst.”
“Haha, Yah. Like packing too much gunpowder into a canon. You jam it all in there and when you light the fuse you better run for cover. I'll bet that's how her pussy is!”
Sasha: “Fuck, you'd probably get sprayed with all sorts of shit!”
“Oh, fuck yah. If your in the same room it's probably not safe. All you can do is dive behind an appliance, cover your ears and hope it implodes on itself.”
Sasha: “Haha, implodes on itself.....cool!”
“Haha, yah, cause if it explodes then your fucked. You'll probably be covered with pussy drippings, pieces of old tampons, feminine napkins, and even pieces of hymen.”
Sasha: “What the fucks a hymen?”
“You know, her cherry!”
Sasha: “Oh, that's whats it called. What about her clit?”
“Yah, it wouldn't be unheard of for a clit-missle to buzz past you ear either.”
Sasha: “Haha, a clit-missle, I fuckin love that!”
“Yah, that's kool. “
The table behind us had the six or seven sixteen or seventeen year old girls, and they were burglarizing our conversation and laughing periodically at what we were saying......quite hard at times.
Sasha: “At least we cleared up what a Thunder Queef is. Have you ever seen one up close?”
“Hell no, I'm still alive aren't I?”
Sasha: “It'd be like a major explosion huh? You'd probably havta call the bomb squad?”
“Yah, I think you'd need a HAZMAT Team there to, because of all the toxic materials. I think the technical term they use for it is Explosive Out-gassing!”
Sasha: “Haha, out-gassing, I like that. That's hella-funny. But if it's as big as you say, then it's not really an explosion as much as it is an Eruption?”
“Yah, there was this lady that had one while hiking up Mt. Saint Helen's back in the eighties, and it blew the entire top of the mountain off.”
Just then we heard the table of girls erupt in laughter themselves. As we turned they were all in deep, deep laughter. One of them had a mouthful of soda that she was trying to swallow and it sprayed out of her mouth and nose at two of the other girls. I guess the eruption comment was the straw that broke the camels back, and they just couldn't contain themselves any longer. Right at that moment Tasha walked up to sit at our table and looked over at the girls and said “Hey you guys, whats so funny and what are you doing here?”
A couple of the girls looked up and said “Hey Tasha, come join us, and have a seat.”
Tash: “Thanks guys what's going on?”
Girl: “Just trying to eat our lunch, but not having much luck.”
I looked at Sash, and said, “Who are they?”
Sasha: “I think there my sisters friends, I've seen a couple of them before.”
Tasha: “What's so funny that has all you guys spitting soda on one another?”
Girl: “Those two cute little fuckers over there are the funniest, if not most vulgar boys I've every seen. I feel like we're at the Improv. Have you ever seen them before?”
Tasha: “Yah, the one with the shorter hair is my little brother Sasha, and the long blonde haired one is his friend Tanner.”
Girl: “Oh Tash, there fucking wild.”
Tasha: “I shoulda known they'd have something to do with it. Bring the tray over here guys, we'll sit with them. These are some of the girls I go to school with Sash, and the other three go to your brothers high school, Tanner.”
We made our introduction and me Sash and Tasha all ate our food and joined in the conversation. One of the girls was curious what was in the bag from the pharmacy and opened it up and looked inside. They all started laughing when they pulled out my condoms, and Tasha just looked at me shaking her head and said, “It figures”!
I told the the story of the older lady at the pharmacy and the Deputy and they loved it. By the time we were ready to leave we were all on first name basis and the older girls were all hanging on us both patting our heads and hugging us and even some kisses on the cheek. It's like we were celebrities. It sucked it had to end, but we did tell Tash and the other girls about my house being vacant and the planning for my party were already in there early stages. Tasha said she'd put something together and it'd be a great way to kick off the summer and get the kids from West Shore and the kids of South Shore together for a fun filled evening of swimming, beers, and food.
One of the girls asked if we were even developed enough to need a condom, as they all watched our reaction. Sasha turned red and they all laughed at him. I said “hell yea, I've been squirting for a few months,” and stood up to untie my board shorts and pull them open to demonstrate when Tasha wrapped her arms around me laughing, preventing me from doing so, and said “No, no Tanner, we believe you. He'd have really done it guys. You gotta be careful around this one.” Once again everybody laughed.
Then the grand finale was when one of the girls took out a condom and demonstrated for us how to use them. She slowly pulled it over a broom handle that one of the workers had left leaning against the railing. At the same time they were teasing us under the table by running their hands up and down our thighs. I looked at Sasha, and he was really flush, and was fidgeting in his seat. He had a girl on each side of him too, doing the same thing.
I could tell he was hard as steel, as was I. They were all sixteen and seventeen and knew exactly how to tease a pubescent boy and they were getting quite a laugh out of it. They asked if we were ok and if we could handle the attention and both Sasha and I lied and said it didn't faze us a bit. Sequoia finally walked up and we had finished eating so Tasha said it was time to go. So we stood up to leave and the whole table of girls laughed as did Sasha and Sequoia, because if it wasn't bad enough that both Sash and I had boners tenting in our shorts, I had a sizable wet spot on the front of mine from leaking precum. Then I heard one of them say, “Doesn't faze you at all....huh?”
I shot back, “It was planned, told you I can make cum!” Of course I was pretty embarrassed, but didn't let them know it or back down an inch. In fact, despite being a little flustered, I just had a wide smile on my face like I was proud. Tasha again said, “See ladies, I told you you better watch out for Tanner.” Then they were off Back to West Shore, and I was back on my trek to the beach.
We said our goodbyes and exchange hugs and all of them hugged and kissed both me and Sasha and even Sequoia who was the late comer, but he's kool. I don't know what his story is, but I know he lives with Sasha, Nika and Tash, and he's got really long awesome hair and beautiful green eyes. Fuck, he's the only one around Clear Lake that I've seen that has longer hair than me....for a boy I mean. Fuck, it's all the way down past his ass. He's just about my same age too.
I overhead some of the girls talking about which one of us three they thought would be the most fun to “break in.” And a couple said me and Sequoia, and that they loved our long hair. And I'm sure they were thinking Sasha too, but you could tell they weren't gonna say anything around his sister. As for Sequoia, I did take my first real sexual look at him, and yah, I'd defiantly suck him off.
And even though he's my age and not older, and is as smooth and hairless a boy as I've ever seen, pretty much the exact opposite of what I like, I'd let him bang me any time he wanted to. Weird too, but as soon as I thought that, he turned his head and smiled at me almost laughing at me as if I said it out loud.....like he could read my mind or something? Weird fuckin kid, but I like him. Something about him that's just relaxing and friendly, he's really kool. And I'm glad it was him that got to fill in for me sleeping over at Sash's last night.
Anyway, Sequoia tuned and he and Sasha walked back to me, and we exchanged cell phone numbers and I gave Sash a hug and a hug for Sequoia as well, cause I wanted to get a feel and smell of him and his long hair. I started to pull away before I wanted to so as not to make him suspicious, but he didn't let me. He hugged onto me a little while longer so I could smell and feel him, as he whispered into my ear, “It's ok, I understand, take your time.”
It's as if he knew what I wanted. I just figured he had really, really good intuition and let it go at that, before I bumped fists with him and we said our goodbyes.
Well, that's it for now. So what happens at the beach that Tanner was heading to, and what's in store for him there........and then later tonight? We'll see in the next installment of, “What makes Tanner Tick?”
That concludes this chapter of “What makes Tanner Tick?” This is my fourth posted (second written) attempt at writing so any feedback, direction, or comments are appreciated. Please forward comments to the address below:
Cody: codyboarder@hotmail.com
Stay tuned for:
Chapter 3
Bad News Beach
and/or
Tidepool Tanner!
My other stories on Nifty are:
~Snow-Bunny Benji! - Under Young friends
~Last Days at Fallen Leaf! - Under young friends
~Twinergy and the Boys of Clear Lake! - Under young friends
***All under Cody Boarder on the Prolific Authors tab.
***(Please forgive the grammar and punctuation in the first few chapters of Twinergy, as it was my first attempt at writing, and as time has moved forward, as has my style and grammar)!
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