Date: Tue, 08 May 2001 09:11:18 -0500 From: fsw99 Subject: Chapter 4 of You Can't Go Back Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts. Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over, **If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live, **Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex. The author retains copyright to this story. Placing this story on a website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's permission is a violation of that copyright. Legal action will be taken against violators. E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: stan992001@hotmail.com. All e-mails will be answered. You Can't Go Back By Stan (First, this is a true story as told to me by Dave. Dave was 12 when this happened, so he doesn't remember all of the events, so I have to make up some things. I will keep it as close to truth as I can. This happened almost ten years ago, but it will be told in flashbacks and mingled in with true events that happen to our group of young gay guys (and one old gay guy, me). Or, things that have already happened that we are still dealing with. I hope you enjoy this method of telling a story. I've never tried anything like this before. If you are looking for lots of sex in the story, better look elsewhere. This is more real life stuff. Sorry! If you are curious about our group, we have our own web site. It is at www.gayfreezone.homestead.com. Feel free to check us out. If you are a young gay guy with problems, we are still accepting new members.) Chapter Four I woke up the next morning very hot. I had kicked off some of the cover. All I was sleeping in was boxers and socks. I couldn't understand why I was so warm. But then, I felt Bruce's arm around me and him spooned up behind me. There was also something hard poking me in the butt. Look, I'm not stupid, you know. I knew immediately what it was. But I was astounded how the fuck we ended up like this. I laid there for several minutes, afraid to move unless I would also wake up Bruce. But, you know, I really liked his arm around me. I also didn't mind the extra pressure in the rear. Hehehe His eyes were closed. He was still in a deep sleep. Mine were wide open. What did this mean? Did he really like me? Like, really like me, like me? Like I did him? I wanted that to be true really badly. I got really brave. I actually moved back closer to him, where all of our bodies were touching. Fuck the covers, this was a lot better way to stay warm. But when I did, I felt him start to wake up. I guess I had moved too much. When he finally woke up, he did with a jerk. He understood what position we were in, and he rapidly pulled away from me and turned on his side away from me. I thought he was revolted at the thought of getting that close to me. I was devastated. All my thoughts were crushed. I moved around a little bit, too, and he knew I was awake. "Sorry about that," he said quietly. "No problem," I answered. He didn't say anything else and neither did I. What could we say. I sure couldn't tell him that I had loved him being that close to me. He couldn't say that he had no idea how that had happened. You just didn't talk about things like that. Then I heard something I couldn't believe. He was quietly crying over on his side of the bed. He couldn't be. HE COULDN'T BE!!! I listened for fifteen or twenty seconds, just to make sure that my ears weren't playing tricks on me. But, they weren't. He was sobbing. I rolled over towards him. "Bruce, are you all right?" He didn't say anything for a long time. Then he answered, "Yeah. Just leave me alone, all right?" I knew he wasn't all right. And I loved him and wanted to help. That helped my courage. I moved over to where I was spooned up against him and put my arm around him. "Bruce, we're best friends, right?" He hesitated, then said, "Yeah." "And best friends always tell each other the truth, right?" No hesitation this time. "Yeah." "And you are crying because you are embarrassed about finding us in the same position that we are in now when you woke up, right?" Now, he did hesitate. He finally said "Yeah," very softly. "Well, I didn't mind it. It felt good to me. A little hot, but good. If we are going to be best friends, we're going to share lots of stuff. You help me, I help you, right? That ought to be our moto. You help me over being shy, and I help you over these crying spells." The crying stopped and Bruce actually laughed. That was a good sign. "Yeah, and I have still have a lot to teach you about living on a farm. Later on today, I'm going to teach you how to shoot a gun. You don't want to piss off someone who's going to be carrying a rifle. There might be an accident." "If you shoot me, can you have my head mounted in the barn, like all the other animals that you have killed?" I asked. Bruce's Mom had forbidden any mounted heads in her house, so his Dad had put them all over the two story barn. "Yeah. It'll be expensive, but I think I have enough money saved for that," Bruce said, as he burst into laughter. "Good. I think I'd like to be looking down on you, as you have to clean out the stalls forever," I joked back. Bruce turned over and looked at me. He still had tears on his cheeks. "I really like you, you know that? You're funny. I didn't tell you that before." "Yeah, you didn't. I really like you, too. We seem to be a perfect pair. I don't know what it is, but we just seem to be made for each other." I was surprised by what I had said. I had said it spontaneously, and hadn't worried about what the impact of the statement might mean to Bruce. I blushed again when I knew it was too late to take it back. Bruce just grinned, and didn't say anything to make me feel stupid for saying that. "You know, I think we have learned a lot about each other today. I'm really sure I want you as my best friend now. Do you feel the same way?" I looked at him in the faint light and said, "Yeah." "So we're buddies?" No hesitation. "Yeah." "Will you give me a hug?" "Yeah." And we did. A long hug. Under the covers, and it felt great. To both of us. If any of my previous doubts about us really being best friends had been in my mind, they were gone now. WAY GONE! RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! I hate alarm clocks! That was a great dream I was having. Why couldn't the fucking alarm clock go off when I was having a nightmare? I was really wide awake this time. No use and just tossing and turning. Time to get up. FUCK ME!!!! I got up, got myself a cup of coffee, read the sports section of the paper (Hey, I wonder if you can get a discount on the paper's price if all you want delivered is the sports section?) and went to my first of my morning two or three trips to the toilet that I call "Coffee Time". The caffeine in the coffee will keep me regular forever. I had to get back to work on our web page this morning. I made it for our little group of young gay guys, and our membership is really starting to grow. Hey, the more, the merrier, you know? It is my first attempt at making a web page, and while it isn't the flashiest one around, I am pretty proud of it. If you are interested, it's at . Why Gay Free Zone? That's the name of the club Stan wrote about near the end of his last story, "One Big Happy Family." Christian came up with the name. You'll learn more about him soon. While I got dressed, I started thinking about one of our new guys named Ric. He saw our web page and e-mailed me, which I forwarded on to Stan. Stan has already written back and forth with him several times, and I sure hope that Stan's advice was correct. I think it is, but I'm still worried about Ric. Ric is one of six gay boys in our group from England. We have had one from Iceland, one from Russia, but none from any other European country. It's kind of funny. Anyway, Ric is 16 and fell in love with another boy named Simon he had met through his scout troupe, who is almost 15. They are really good friends, but Ric wanted more. Several other boys had told him that they thought Simon was gay and Ric wanted advice on whether to ask him, how to do it, or whether he should just come out and tell Simon he was gay and hope Simon would tell him the same thing. Coming out to someone has to be one of the most difficult things a boy can do. He has to have lots of insecurities and questions like "Is everyone going to find out? Will I be ridiculed and maybe beaten up? Constantly harassed?" You know, minor issues. Well, as I guess you know, Stan is a story teller. He gave his advice after telling Ric a story about two of our members, Ozy and Brian. Both stories were mentioned quickly in "Dear Diary", but I think they are worth telling in detail here. Ozy is a young gay Muslim. Why would I bring that up? Well, in certain Muslim countries, you can be killed for being gay and getting caught. Yeah, today, not several centuries ago. Ozy fell in love with his best friend, Ryan. He finally came out to Ryan, who then walked out of the room without saying a word. Ryan went home a very confused young man. He loved Ozy like a brother, but was shocked by what Ozy had told him. He ended up telling his Dad when he asked what was wrong with Ryan, and guess what his Dad did? He immediately called Ozy's Dad and told him. Did Ozy's Dad take it well? Oh, no. He was so angry he almost couldn't speak. Ozy did the only thing he could at the time to get out of it. He lied. He said it was just a phase, and that part of his life was over. And a lot of other things. This wasn't a quick conversation. I guess his Dad bought the story, because there has been no more trouble, but Ozy is now scared to come out to anyone, even next year when he goes away to University because of what might happen if word gets back to his Dad. The craziest part of the story is that Ryan actually came back to Ozy, told him he loved him, and was sorry for telling his Dad about him. They got to spend lots of nights together, and were even boyfriends for a short period of time. Ryan did love Ozy, but finally realized that he was not bi or gay, and went back with his ex-girlfriend. If anything, I think that this might have hurt Ozy more than if he had just stayed away. Brian's case is totally different. First, he had a boyfriend named Nate. If you read Stan's stories, they were both in `One Big Happy Family' and `Dear Diary'. Someone from his school twice called his house and told his Mom that there were rumors going around that he was gay. Brian first thought that it was a teacher, but now he isn't sure. The first time, Brian did like Ozy. He lied to his Mom and Step-Dad and said it wasn't true. The second time, he was just tired about lying about it, and told them the truth. He was gay and in love with Nate. Were they supportive of him? No fucking way. Unless you count calling him `faggot' to his face every time they saw him supportive. No physical abuse. Lots of verbal abuse. Brian even left home for a night without telling them where he was going because he was so angry with them. When he returned, they threatened to have him arrested. Nice couple. It got bad enough that Brian had to go and live with his real Dad. Was he supportive? He didn't call Brian faggot, but he did want he and Brian to go to counseling and Brian to go to a "Church Sponsored Gay Reeducation Center". Thank God for our gay psychologist friend Christian. Christian told Brian that it was basically a Brian washing crash course designed to bring back a `new, improved, straight Brian' when he got back. Christian has had four patients referred to him that went through one of these types camps and were either beaten, abused, or raped while there. None of them thought it was a pleasant experience. Don't go there on vacation, in other words. Brian at least talked him out of sending him there. Christian and I had already made plans where Brian could go and live with a friend of Christian's until he turned 16, but we didn't have to do that. Thank God! It was a last resort type of plan anyway. Brian's Dad had wanted him to go to talk to the pastor at his church. Stan tried to help there by contacting Matt and Mike (from the story `Matt and Mike') about gay church's in his area. M&M gave Stan a web site, and there was one (see our web site under links for the address), but Brian's Dad refused to go there. Brian is now living a life in gay semi-exile with his Dad clearly not supporting his beliefs, but not acting hostile, either. Better than a constant hassle, I guess. Or being called `faggot' every time your parents talk to you. Why does Ozy's and Brian's stories have anything to do with Ric? Stan told him those stories to illustrate that he better be DAMN SURE that anyone he comes out to is going to be supportive. Stan did something with Ric that he almost never does. He tells us all when we join that he wants two things. Complete honesty and a written bio about yourself that he adds to everyone else's and sends to all the members, and then he sends everyone else's to the new member. But, he broke his rule this time and told Ric to lie. Well, maybe lie is a strong word. Maybe fib a little bit. Certainly it wasn't as bad as what I did with Matt. I don't want to go into that here, it would take too long. Later. What he told Ric to do was to make up a story about someone else who came out to him. Tell it to Simon and see what his reaction was. If he didn't show a strong negative reaction, maybe he wouldn't be homophobic if Ric told him later that he was gay. If he was very supportive, maybe he was gay, too. Stan also told him that it might be easier on them if Ric told him at the same time he was going to ask Simon if he was gay that he thought he might be, too. Both of them admitting it at the same time would be far less traumatic than just one of them. It wasn't a bad plan, but I had a problem with the lying part. I guess I had learned my lesson. Ric did try it. It actually went pretty good. The only bad part was that Simon said he wasn't gay, but was fine with Ric being gay. Ric actually told him that he thought he might be bi, and Simon said he was glad that he wasn't gay, that he might have a problem with that. But he wouldn't tell anyone else, which was the big thing. Other than that, Ric kind of struck out with Simon, but who knows, maybe Simon just isn't ready to confide in Ric yet, even with Ric admitting it to Simon. I'll keep you posted. In any case, you kind of get an idea of what we're trying to do here. We think that any gay kid who is experiencing problems with his sexuality needs support and advice, and who would be better to give that advice than someone near his age who has gone through the same kinds of problems? If anyone really needs help quickly for something like suicide thoughts (gays are a huge percentage of youth suicides), we turn him over to Christian, who has lots of experience in this field. Anyway, I started day dreaming again, and my thoughts went back to Bruce. ***************************************** We finally got out of bed and went downstairs for breakfast. Bruce wouldn't even let me put on any clothes. He said when I was at his house, I had to go by their rules. SHIT!!! At least I had on boxers, and he did let me put on a t-shirt. I guess I shouldn't have worried. Mitch was the same way as we were, as was his Dad. His Mom had on a night gown. Everyone was barefoot but her. She had on some fuzzy slippers. I guess breakfast is really informal here. My Mom would have blistered my butt if I had come down to breakfast in my underwear. OK, not my butt, but at least my ears. They ate lots more for breakfast than we ever thought about eating. Scrambled eggs, biscuits, bacon, ham, gravy. I might move in here. Especially if I could sleep with Bruce every night! "Is it all right if Dave and I take the 4-wheeler and the 3-wheeler out today? I also want to teach him how to shoot," Bruce said. "We'll do all of my chores first." Bruce's Dad just stared at both of us. Uh oh, I could smell trouble coming. "No rifles on the bikes, Ok? And make sure everything is done before you do anything." "Thanks, Dad," Bruce said, as he smiled at his father. He just smiled back. "And be careful with the guns, especially if Dave isn't used to them," Bruce's Mom added. "Mom, you don't have to tell me that. Everyone around here knows that you don't trust a city slicker with a gun. He might shoot himself or me at any time," Bruce kidded. Mitch and Bruce's Dad exploded with laughter. Bruce's Mom even joined in. This was more effort out of Mitch than I had seen yet. I didn't laugh. All I did was blush. Bruce noticed and quickly came to my rescue. "I'm only kidding, Dave. You've never shot a gun before, right?" "No." "Well, what I was talking about was city guys who come up here to hunt. Adults. They only shoot a gun once a year and get really careless. The hospitals have to take on extra staff in hunting season because off all the accidents. I'm going to make sure you don't shoot me today. Or you either," Bruce added. "That's fine with me. I don't want to shoot me, either. I don't even have on my own underwear." God, where did that comment come from? Bruce was taking a sip of milk. He spit it all over the table. Mitch did the same with his eggs. Bruce's Dad laughed so hard he spilled his hot coffee on his hand and almost let it fall to the floor. Bruce's Mom almost spilled a hot plate of biscuits, delivering them to the table. Everyone howled with laughter, at my expense. But, you know, later on, that was the moment I became a member of the family. Everyone laughed until tears were running down their faces, and I was completely humiliated. But, it was worth it. Bruce's Dad finally recovered and said, "Well, Dave, I think I trust Bruce not to let you shoot anyone today, not even yourself. If lots of the `city folk' like Bruce calls them had the same attitude you do, I think there would be lots less accidents out in the woods. I don't say this to many people, and my family will tell you it's the truth. I don't like many new comers. But you, I like. You're welcome here anytime you want to come over. Anytime you boys want to spend the night together, that's fine with me. The only thing is you have to go by the same rules that Bruce goes by. You understand?" "Yes sir. Your wife explained it to me last night. If we get into trouble and you have to spank Bruce, you'll spank me too, right?" I asked and blushed furiously. They all howled in laughter. Even Mitch. "Bruce did tell you the spanking will be after you pull down both your pants and underwear, right?" Mitch asked, as he giggled. "Yeah. I haven't been spanked in over two years. And never like that. And I don't want to be, either," I answered honestly. Everyone broke up again. I was glad to provide the entertainment, even though I didn't understand how talking honestly was giving them this much pleasure. But, it seemed to. I was beyond caring. "Look Dave, I know you're thinking we're laughing at you, but we're really not. Your answers are right on the Mark, all of them. You're being honest, and we like that. All of us, right?" Bruce's Dad asked, as he looked around the room. Everyone smiled and nodded, even Mitch. "You know, when Bruce first said you were his new best friend, all of us were kind of worried. We didn't know you at all. You were an outsider. Maybe you would try to get Bruce to do things he shouldn't be doing. City things. Drugs. Gangs. Stuff you read about in the newspapers. But, you seem just like all of us. Maybe a little green, but Bruce can take care of that, can't you Bruce?" Bruce's Dad said. "Yes sir," he answered, grinning. "Uh, Ah, Well, I don't do any drugs. I've never even seen any. And I haven't ever met any gang members." Great! Another huge laugh from everyone. "Well, that's good. And I hope that neither Bruce's Mom or I ever have to take down your pants and give you a good spanking." "Me too!" More howls of laughter. Why was this funny? "You know, I think the best thing to get you used to this family is to pull down your boxers and see what your butt looks like before it's red. Once you're part of us, the time is coming when it'll be cherry red. I would like to see it once when it's snow white. Wouldn't you, guys?" Mitch asked, as he got up and circled around behind me. I thought he was serious. "No way," I said, as I got up to defend myself. "Mitch, we don't pull down a guest's underwear at the table. Once he's one of the family, that might change. What's it going to be, Dave? One of the family and risk Mitch pulling down your underwear in front of us, or remaining an outsider and always being a guest in our house?" Bruce's father asked. He was kidding. I didn't know that. I looked at him with my eyes wide with fear. "I don't know. I'd rather be part of the family. But, I don't want him to try and pull my underwear down. Can Bruce help me fight him?" This was the final straw. All of these people were completely crazy. Mitch fell down on the floor, laughing so hard that he didn't get up for several minutes. Huh! No hair on his balls, either. No use to explain. I went over the looking thing when I told you about boxers and gym class. Bruce also fell out of his chair on the floor. I didn't even look at him. I'd had plenty of time to do that before. But, he sure wasn't much help to me. I was pissed. "WHAT? Why are all of you laughing at me all the time?" I yelled. Bruce's father recovered from his laughing very quickly. "Oh, so you do have a temper. You do have breaking point. That's good. Come here, Dave." I walked warily over. He motioned me to stand directly in front of him as he spread his legs wide. Ok, he did have hair on his balls. It was a habit, you know? I was surprised when he pulled me onto his lap like a little kid. He put one arm around me and said, "Bruce, come here, too." Bruce quickly came over and sat on the other side of his lap. "Bruce, I always tell you the truth. You have had best friends before, but I haven't liked any of them. You know that. I've always told you why, but I've never made you give up a friend because of what I told you, right?" "No sir," Bruce said, as he put his arm around his father's neck. "I think this one's different. I think this one is going to always be completely honest, even when it's better that he just doesn't say anything. You agree?" "Yes sir," Bruce said, as he broke out into giggles. "Well, if we are going to welcome Dave into our family, don't you think a good naked butt whipping would be a good way to start? Not too hard, just to give him a taste of what it will be like to be part of our family?" Bruce looked at me quickly, his eyes full of glee. My eyes were all of a sudden full of fear. "Yes, sir. I think that's exactly what he needs," Bruce said. I tried to slide off his lap, but his strong arm caught me immediately. I didn't get what I was expecting. I was expecting him to move me over his lap, pull down Bruce's boxers, and give me a few hard swats. Bruce, my friend, my maybe boyfriend, also thought that this was a great idea. Time to find a new best friend! But he didn't. He pulled both of us to him in one human ball of legs, arms, etc in front of him and started to tickle us both until we couldn't see from the tears running down our cheeks. It was agony and also ecstasy. I was IN! I was a member of their family! Or, the way I felt about this really weird family, I was part of the tribe! Bruce was part Indian, you know! To be continued. Comments are appreciated and always answered. Comments can be sent to stan992001@hotmail.com where all the guys can read them too.