Date: Sat, 11 Aug 2007 20:42:07 EDT
From: Suck4Straight@aol.com
Subject: sadomasochistic dimensions of "rough trade" encounters

A certain degree of fascination with the power dynamics of dominance and
submissiveness is instinctually present in all men, I think, and
permeates male relationships, even when it's nonsexual or an
obvious dominance motive is not apparent.  A strong sadomasochistic
dimension can easily be seen in most "rough trade" scenes (i.e. a blowjob
where there is no reciprocation). In some encounters it extends beyond
the generally demeaning tenor of the blowjob itself and typically takes
the form of verbal abuse, where the dominant partner calls the submissive
names, orders him around, insults his manhood, or has him do humiliating
or degrading things for him (like lighting his cigarette, sniffing out
his sweaty nuts, licking his armpits, sucking his toes, etc.). He may
also slap the guy around, spit at him, piss on him, fuck him brutally or
maybe even beltwhip his ass. The submissive partner allows or even
encourages expression of these kinds of sadistic behaviors in the course
of the sexual encounter, which is experienced as pleasurable by both
partners. What do they each get out of this?

For the dominant partner this power play is very straightforward and easy
to understand: dominating a masochistic cocksucker gives vent to his
frustrations and feeds his innate need to assert power and control and
mastery over his surroundings. It is a very primitive means of relief,
but it makes perfect sense. When encountering a masochistic submissive,
these "heterosexuals" often take advantage of the fact and use this kind
of submissive gay guy shamelessly. It is much more common then most
people think. And I'm not talking about anything nonconsensual. With many
heterosexual men, it is, in fact, only with submissive gay men they meet
in anonymous settings that they allow themselves to express these
domineering, sadistically-tinged desires (even though they would probably
prefer to enact these kinds of scenes with women). For the masochist, the
reasons for the sexual excitement in being humiliated are not nearly as
apparent.

Of course, it is much easier to enact the dominant role, at least in
terms of self-esteem, than to take the submissive role of the sucker.
Masochists have usually thought this through more thoroughly than tops
and are aware of the roles as roles. To be a submissive, masochistic
homosexual takes some coming to terms with your desires, some questioning
of your own manhood, some wrestling with your own demons.  After all, the
masochistic male cocksucker does humiliating stuff that in this culture
means he is not a man at all (at least not compared to the dominant
partner). Although many masochists are conflicted about this, most have
at least thought it through to at least some extent.

I am fifty-three years old and have experimented with this shit for over
thirty years, not as a gay leather guy with silly costumes and whips and
chains, but in the more subtle world of sexual submission to
predominately straight guys, many of whom secretly love to lord it over a
queer for the thrill of power it gives them. I have sucked guys off in
parks, in bathrooms, in hotel rooms, at truckstops and in dirty movie
arcades--I really know how to bring out a straight guy's sadism in an
anonymous sexual encounter.

It is only in the last few years, however, that I have begun to really
understand masochism, and this has been made possible partly from posting
sadomasochistically-tinged stories in Nifty's "Authoritarian" and
"Encounters" archives.  As a result, I have had several involved email
communications with men, mostly masochistic, mostly bisexual
(surprisingly, rather than gay--many of them are married), but with a few
sadistic types thrown in as well (although they do not have as many
insights as bottoms).  From them, and from reading books on the
subject, I have learned a lot about what it means and where it comes from
and I would like to share this information with younger men who may have
these kinds of desires but are afraid of them because they don't
understand them and don't know what they mean.

In a subsequent follow-up essay, I will state my main ideas on both the
causes and the aims of masochistic encounters with these sadistic types
of predominately heterosexual men.

Here in the meantime, are a few of my stories:

/nifty/gay/encounters/dark-cellar-degradation

/nifty/gay/authoritarian/masochistic-encounters-an-their-meaning