TwinkCode v1.12

Some people out here aren't satisfied with BearCode or SmurfCode. It doesn't speak to us. We're twinks, and damn proud of it. While bears live for hair and smurfs for humor, a twink lives for style. As such, style factors are the major way of recognizing a twink. Unlike bears and smurfs, a twink's style can't be rated by degree--to be a twink, one must have a good sense of style. The ideal twink knows what he can't wear, and how to wear what he can. The clothes make the twink.

Clothing is not exclusively the determining factor in a twink, though. The twink's crowning glory is his hair. Long or short, straight or wavy, it must be perfect. Hell is a lifetime of bad hair.

The main Twink identifier is a 4 part code comprised of:
T - Type of twink
C - Color of Hair
L - Length of Hair
and whether it's (s)traight, (w)avy, or (c)urly

T - Type of twink

Twinks come in all hair colors, natural and unnatural.

C - Color of Hair

0 - black (raven)
1 - dark brown
2 - brown
3 - light brown
4 - auburn
5 - dark red
6 - bright red
7 - strawberry blonde
8 - Blonde. Most of the hair on his body is blonde.
9 - Totally Blonde. Every strand of hair on his body (by definition must be natural).
X - Other (purple, blue, etc...)
If hair color is assisted, it should list the original color in parentheses (i.e. CX(7)).

Hair length is important too. Some of us like long hair, some of us like short hair, some of us like any hair at all as long as it looks good.

L - Length of Hair

0 - Shaved/bald
1 - verrrrry short, buzzed
2 - short enough for a banker, suitable for business
3 - medium length, barely over collar
4 - shoulder length
5 - part-way down the back
6 - *really* long, like down to his butt

The last modifier is waviness of hair, and is designated by letter.

(s)traight
(w)avy
(c)urly
If curlyness is assisted, it should list the original state in parentheses - i.e. c(s).

Having covered the major points of description, it's time to get down to the sordid details. How sordid? You be the judge...

h - the 'hairlessness' factor (opposite of NBCS "f") refers to body hair.

h++ SMOOTH body - virtually no hair
h+ little hair
h some hair
(none) average body hair
h- above average body hair
h-- veritable furball (almost a bear)

(h) can be further refined to cover specific body areas:

hc - chest
hb - butt
hl - legs
hs - shins (part of leg below knee)
These can be used specifically, or to identify an area which differs from the rest of the body. Therefore, if you're smooth, except for your legs, you could list h++(hl-). If your hairlesness is a result of shaving or depilatories, you should list the original state in parentheses, i.e. h(--)++.

d - Dizzy factor. How much of an airhead is he?

d++ Head in the clouds (or at least somebody's shorts)
d+ present mentally only on special occasions
d not totally dizzy, but noticeably so
(none) sometimes dizzy, about average
d- rarely dizzy
d-- never dizzy, even shows common sense sometimes

a - attitude

a++ attitude from hell; has enough for 20
a+ above average
a has attitude and knows how to use it
(none) attitude at times
a- mostly unpretentious
a-- no attitude, what you see is what you get.

w - the WHINE factor

w++ Will scream "I'm BOOOORRRRRRED" while you're still home and just getting dressed
w+ Will state "I'm boooorrrrrred" immediately upon arrival at destination
w Will whine, even when not needed
(none) Lets his displeasure be known when appropriate
w- Usually silent, but a peep may be heard every now and then
w-- Strong, silent type

c - color of crust (tan)

c++ dark brown
c+ a nice golden brown
c the twink has a tan
(none) doesn't get out much
c- fair skin
c-- looks like a ghost

y - youthful appearance

y++ looks like teen spirit
y+ still gets carded most every time he buys liquor
y twentysomething
(none) looks like he has been out of college for a while
y- looks like somebody's dad
y-- looks like somebody's grandfather

e - endowment (for the size queens amongst us)

e++ 8"+
e+ 6.5" - 8"
e 5.5" - 6.5"
(none) neutral
e- do you really want to let people know?
e-- you may not have much but you have guts

g - gonads (balls)

g++ huge and bursting with cream
g+ large and cream filled
g above average
(none) has two
g- do you really want to let people know?
g-- you may not have much but you have guts

f - flavor of cream

f++ very sweet, almost sickly, could be interchanged with filling of actual Hostess Twinkie (tm)
f+ sweet
f pleasant
(none) unremarkable
f- slightly bitter
f-- Campari is sweeter

t - twink hawk

t++ searches out twinks when ever possible.
t+ really likes twinkies
t would like to meet a twinkie
(none) not a twink hawk
t- doesn't care for twinkies
t-- is offended by them (why are you even here?)
t++, t+, and t people should list the style types they're attracted to - i.e. t++(4,5,6,7)

k - "the KINKY factor"... for those who dare.

k++ Will try anything once, usually twice...
k+ pretty adventurous, but moderated
k will consider trying new things
(none) kinky neutral
k- has definite ABSOLUTE dislikes
k-- totally vanilla

s - "SEX (ok, SLUT) factor

s++ strictly polygamous, prefers very open relationships ONLY.
s+ will form relationships which are generally open-ended
s neutral wrt to relationships/monogamy.
(none) relationship neutral

m - the Muscle factor, divided into definition and mass

m1 - muscle definition.

m1++ chiseled from marble
m1+ chiseled from oak
m1 chiseled from basswood (but still chiseled)
(none) neutral
m1- chiseled from marshmallow
m1-- chiseled from marshmallow creme

m2 - muscle mass

m2++ serious meat on them bones
m2+ more muscular than the average joe
m2 small muscles, but they're definitely there
(none) neutral
m2- well, if you *really* look hard...
m2-- wishful thinking will only get you so far

q - "the Q factor" (defined)

q++ more effeminate than Donna Reed, Florence Henderson, and RuPaul combined
q+ swishes so much they sway
q is a queen
(none) invisible
q- "straight-acting"
q-- probably should BE straight

Additional Punctuation

The following aren't graded, they are just flags attached to the overall classification:

You can make the punctuation as detailed as desired, although the best ones to read are the ones which are the most clear and simple to understand.

v1.00 draft by...
Kirk Johanning - kfj@hpuerca.atl.hp.com
v1.01 revisions by...
Kirk Johanning - kfj@hpuerca.atl.hp.com
v1.10 draft by...
Andy Trembley - andrewt@csd4.csd.uwm.edu
v1.11 reconciliation by...
Kirk Johanning - kfj@hpuerca.atl.hp.com
v1.12 revisions by...
Andy Trembley - andrewt@csd4.csd.uwm.edu

With many thanks to Matt Melmon (for being an "a++!" and throwing lots of comments to us) and everyone else who offered comments. Please allow a month before expecting major additions such as new characteristics (unless someone wishes to do the revisions themselves, but a warning--it looks like both Kirk and I will be relentless editors).