Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2005 20:37:04 +0000 From: teabs13@hotmail.com Subject: Autumn Leaves Part 2 This is part 2 of autumn leaves. It is a bit different and non conclusive but I am currently working on part 3 which will be up soon. I know it is short but the next one will be much longer. Thank you for all of your comments. Please keep them coming because it keeps me on the ball of writing more. Thanks again and I hope you like it. The suffocating confines of a plane sicken me. The tattered seats which lie an inch too close to everything make me twitch. The small portal which emits blinding light is the only sign of real life. Below me thousands of houses and winding roads are the only true existence that I can see. Small dots blur as my head spins. The guy next to me is overly obese and is squeezing me in. I feel tense like a caged animal. God I hate flying. The familiar beats blast through my headphones and fill my mind with the slightest relief. My mind races as the only thought that reoccurs is you. I left in a rush. The cab smelled of oranges and stale cigarettes. It made me think of my grandmother. When I would visit she would always tell me about life and how not to waste it. I never really paid attention, just sat there and looked into space. The airport was stuffed with people all going somewhere. Endless possibilities rise in my head. A man is pacing a bit in front of me. He is staring intently at his watch. I wonder what he is late for or who he could be waiting for. I look to my left and see a mother and daughter laughing. They look happy and I am reminded of why I am here. I am leaving. Going far away from anything I can call home. As we drew near to our destination my mind became blank. I forgot why I was on the plane. I forgot why I left you there, in our apartment sobbing in a crumpled ball on the floor. I forgot my life from the last couple of weeks and I forgot to see where I was even going. I just paid for a one way ticket to the west coast. I sat there with all of my being and tried to recall what was happening. The fog came in thick as we approached San Francisco. The plane was close now and I was about to enter a new life. A life unknown. A life without you. I did what I always do when I fidget, turned up my music and closed my eyes imagining I was with you. Back in our apartment, back to a life I have now regretted to leave. A soft hand caresses my cheek and barely brushes up against my lips. I open my eyes and see you smiling at me. You have the sweetest smile. It's so genuine and perfect. It makes me feel so secure and warm. My heart skips a beat when you come in close and brush up against me. I lower my head in search of your perfect mouth and beautiful lips. I reach out to touch you and grasp nothing. I open my eyes in panic and realize where I am. The man next to me nudges and tells me we are about to land and to put on my seat belt. I sigh knowing that my life has suddenly turned to shit. I look down adjusting my belt when I notice that the open journal that I have been scribbling in has a small damp spot. It is my first tear that I have shed during this whole mess. I realize now that I have made a mistake. I have fucked up a relationship so bad that I know it can not be fixed. I walked away from the only girl who has ever truly loved me. The only girl who gave her whole self to me and asked only one thing in return, my love. I gave it to her. I gave her my soul. I gave her everything she needed. I am not hers anymore; I have long ago destroyed that. I knew I lost something that day. It was not my love for Alex. It was not my sanity. It was not my life. It was I. I flew away on that jet plane to rid myself of the demons that kept me there. It was the best for both of us. It was the best for me. I am not of selfish manor but I needed to leave. I needed to get away from the hurt and pain that kept me there. As I arrive I call to a cab and jump in. This one does not remind me of anything. No past will come to me anymore. I must start fresh and learn to deal with my actions.