Date: Fri, 26 Jan 2001 22:15:58 -0500 (EST)
From: Secret Dreamer <dreamsecret@poetic.com>
Subject: Fall Down and Smile - 12

Chapter 12
"I'm still up and driving can't go home obviously"
By: Secret Dreamer

Its kind of funny

	"Are you sure you told them the right gate?"

	We'd arrived at the airport an hour ago.  James was lying across
two plastic chairs, fast asleep, his head cushioned by my sweat shirt.
Dawn was impatiently pacing back and forth.  Neither of us had any luggage,
it had already been delivered to the house where we would be staying or in
storage.  James few suitcases were under my chair.

	"I told them we'd be here at 7 at this exact gate," she sighed,
checking her watch for the umpteenth time.

	I fished through my bag and pulled out my cell phone.  "Here," I
ordered.  "Call them."

	She smiled and flipped it open, dialing the numbers rapidly.  She
tapped her foot impatiently.  Finally, there was a connection.  "Where are
you guys?  You better not be having sex!"

	I snickered but covered my mouth when she glared at me.

	"We landed an hour ago.  How long will it take you to get here?  We
could just try and rent a car and drive there."

	I didn't know about her, but I knew nothing about the terrain of
California.

	"Yes.  I know," she rolled her eyes at me.  "Okay.  I'll call you
back if we can't get a car.  Later."  She flipped the phone shut.

	"Which way to automobile rental?"  I asked.

	Dawn shrugged.  "It'll be an adventure."

	I shook my head and slowly picked up James.

	"Are we there yet?" he whispered.

	"No," I whispered.  "But we will be soon.  Go back to sleep."  I
cradled him in my arms and tried to grab one of the three suitcases.

	Dawn took all three.  "Don't worry," she smiled.  "Just take care
of James."

	I kissed her on the cheek.  "Thanks, Sugar but I can take at least
one."

	She handed me the smallest one and grinned.

	I chuckled and followed her as we went in search of rental.

*******

Got a full tank and some chips

	After many, many wrong turns and backtracks, we found the car
rental desk and managed to get a jetta on a week rental.

	I strapped James into the back and sat in the passenger seat.  This
time change was hitting me hard, plus, I didn't know how to get to the
house.

	It was midnight by the time we got to the house.  Well, New York
and Florida time it was midnight.  In good ol' California, it was 10.

	I could barely keep my eyes open as the door flew open and Dawn and
another women screamed.  I squinted and looked up to see a large, muscular
man and a model-looking women of whom was hugging Dawn.

	"Kat! It's so good to see you!" Dawn squealed.

	"Look at you!  Girl, I can't even tell your pregnant!" Kat squealed
back.

	"Mommy!"  James called from the backseat.  "Mommy! Mommy where are
you!"

	I pulled back the seat and sat next to him.  "I'm here sweetie.
I'm here," I whispered and rocked him.

	His clung to me.  "I dreamed you were calling me but I couldn't
find you anywhere," he whimpered.

	I un-buckled him and pulled him into my lap.  "It's okay.  I'm
right here."

	"Hey, when do we get to meet the little tike?"  the muscle man
said, sticking his head into the car.  He grasped my hand and in a flourish
had pulled both myself and James from the car without injury.

	I smiled at him the best my eyelids would let me.  "I'm Iya and
this is James."

	The man smiled and engulfed us both in a large hug.

	James giggled.

	"I'm Teddy," he said, still smiling.

	James started laughing even harder.  God, it was good to hear him
laugh.

	"You must be Iya!"  Kat came hopping over and pulled me into a big
hug.  "I've heard so much about you!"

	I smiled shyly.  "Thanks so much for letting us stay here until we
find a place."

	Kat grinned and waved it away with her hand.  "Not a problem!
Teddy and I get lonely in this big house!  It's great to have company!"

	"Cupcake, stop jabbering and help me with these suitcases!  Iya
looks like she's about to fall over from exhaustion."

	Kat laughed and grabbed two of the suitcases.  Leaving Teddy with
the smallest and my bag.

	Dawn wrapped her arms around me and helped me into the house.

	"Which way to the bedrooms?"  I yawned.

	Teddy grinned.  "Follow me mademoiselle."

	"Oh.  I like the French," I laughed getting a smack in the stomach
from Dawn.  I smiled sweetly at her.  "Je t'aime."

	Dawn grumbled something I didn't understand and followed Teddy up
the stairs.

	I shrugged and fell into step with Kat.  "Do you have any dirt on
Dawn?"

	Kat threw her arm around my shoulder.  "Girl, I could write a book
on her."

*******

And I wanna live


	I placed James in one of the beds in a guestroom.  He was already
fast asleep and I was thankful for that.  Hopefully, he'd make it through
the night.

	I kissed his forehead and tucked the blanket in a little tighter.
To this day, it still amazes me that this little boy came out of my body.
This precious child grew inside of me.

	I pulled my sweatshirt tighter around my body as I entered the
bedroom.  Dawn was standing by the open window, staring into the backyard.

	I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.  "Hi,"
I whispered.

	She leaned against me.  "Hi."

	"Are you alright?"

	She turned around and smiled slightly. "Yeah."

	"You don't sound it.  You've been quiet most of the day.  What's
wrong?"

	She sighed and left my arms.  She walked to the suitcases that had
arrived days earlier and started going through them.  "Nothing," she
finally responded, pulling out a pair of shorts and a tank top.  She
disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door.

	Feeling defeated, I opened my suitcase and undressed.  I pulled on
a pair of pajama pants and a tanktop.

	Dawn came out of the bathroom and slid between the sheets without
saying a word.  She turned away from me.

	Had I done something wrong?  It seemed to early for pregnancy
hormones to be an issue.  But what had I done?  I sighed and slipped in
after her.  I scooted toward her and placed my hand on her back, between
her shoulder blades.  Her muscles were tense.  "Do you want me to hold
you?"

	All I got was a short nod.  I wrapped my arms around her waist and
pulled her to my chest.  Soon her breath was slow and even.  I followed
soon after.

*******

5am friday morning, thursday night far from sleep


	"No!  Let go of me!"

	I woke up to Dawn thrashing around on the bed, mumbling in her
sleep. "Dawn?"

	"Please," she whimpered. "Don't hurt me."

	I shook her. "Dawn! Wake up."

	She sat up and began panting hard.  Tears streaming down her
cheeks.  She looked at me and for a second a look of confusion passed in
her eyes before she recognized me.  "Oh, Iya," she wailed and fell into my
arms.

	I stroked her hair and rocked her back and forth.  "It's okay,
sweetheart."

	She shook against my body.  "It was so awful."

	"What was?"

	She suddenly got rigid and silent.  "Nothing."

	I grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at me.  "Why won't
you tell me?"

	She looked down at the pattern of the blanket.  "It was nothing."

	"Don't lie to me, Dawn."

	She stared up at me, a piece of hair falling in front of her eyes.

	I tucked it behind her ear and cupped her cheeks in my hands.
"Please," I whispered.  "Tell me."

	She sighed.  "It started right after you left for Florida."

	"What did?"

	"I started re-living the," she got silent and bit her lip, "the
rape in my dreams.  But when we were back together, they went away.  I
thought they were over but it started against last night, before we left.
Tonight was the worst."

	"Oh, Dawn," I hugged her tightly.  "Why didn't you tell me?"

	"I didn't think there was a reason.  I was sure they would go
away."

	"What about this morning though?"

	She sighed.  "I still hoped."

	I stroked her hair.  "Maybe it's because you've never talked to
anyone about it."

	"Maybe your right."

	"I know you probably don't want to but what about a therapist?
There are some who specialize in sexual abuse and rape."

	Dawn shook her head forcefully.  "No.  I don't want to go to a
shrink.  I'm not insane."

	"Going to a therapist doesn't make you insane."

	"If I tell you, will you drop the idea of a therapist?"

	"For the time being."

	She stared at me.  "Hold me."

	I laid down and pulled her with me.  She wrapped her arms around my
torso, my arms around her shoulders and back.  I stroked her hair the way
she liked it to be stroked.

	She cleared her throat gruffly.  "After he picked me that night, he
took me to a nice little restaurant.  You know, violin players walking
around from table to table.  It was beautiful.  It probably cost him a
fortune.  There were paintings of the country-side on the walls.  Flowers
in vases.  In one corner, a vine stretched all the way to the ceiling and
spread across towards the V.I.P area," she laughed bitterly.  "I remember
sitting there and looking at that V.I.P. room and thinking 'One day, I'll
be in that room'.

	"After dinner we went dancing, the same thing we'd done on the
first date.  I thought it was one of the most romantic things to do on a
first date.  But I didn't want to be with him.  I wanted to be with you but
I was trying to convince myself that I didn't.  I was trying to convince
myself that you were my friend and a relationship would ruin the
friendship.  Anyway, it was around midnight when we left the dance hall."

	I hugged her tighter.  "Whenever your ready," I whispered.

	She let out a shaky breath.  "He drove me home.  He was still being
a gentleman.  Opening doors for me, that sort of thing.  He walked me to
the door and I said good-night.  He asked if he could use the bathroom and
I let him.  While he did, I got a soda from the fridge.  When I turned
around to let him out, he grabbed me and kissed me.  I-I thought it was a
good-night kiss but then his teeth started cutting into my lips.  I tried
to push him away but his grip was so tight.  I managed to kick him in the
knee but high heels really aren't meant to be weapons when on the foot,"
she chuckled slightly but sobered quickly.

	"What happened?" I whispered.  "It might help get rid of the
dreams."

	She sighed and nodded.  "I think I can do it now.

	"He forced me into my bedroom.  He tore my dress when he tried to
get it off but he gave up on it and just tore off my panty hose.  I tried
to call for help but he hit me.  He kept telling me to hold still and it
would be over quicker that way.

	"I tried to get him off of me but I couldn't.  When he unzipped his
pants, that sound echoed.  I swear it echoed through the room and in my
head.  I closed my eyes for a second and right before I opened them I felt
the worst pain in the world.  He just kept pushing and pulling, pushing and
pulling.  It hurt so bad.  I tried to scream but I could speak.  All I felt
was that pain between my legs and on my face.

	"When he was done he got up like nothing had happened.  Zipped up
his pants and kissed me so gently.  He smiled and stroked my hair and
said," by this point she was crying into my shoulder, "he said he loved me
and walked out.  I went into the kitchen and paged you.  I don't remember
very much after that."

	I was speechless.  I just kept holding Dawn.  I didn't know what to
say or do.  So I said the first thing that came into my head.  "He's dead."

	She nodded.  "I never thought I'd wish somebody dead."

	I kissed the top of her head.  "I love you.  I won't let anyone
hurt you or Tali or James.  Never."

	She smiled up at me. "I know you won't.  I love you, too.  I feel
better though.  Like a big weights been lifted off.  I've been holding it
all in.  It feels good to tell someone."

	I smiled back at her.  "I'm glad."

	She grinned and yawned.  "I'm tired. Let's go back to sleep."

	I nodded and yawned with her.  "Let's."

	In minutes, we were fast asleep still holding each other tightly.

*******

And I know what this means

	"Iya. IIIIIya."

	I groaned and turned over.  "Too early."

	Dawn kissed my neck.  "Wake up."

	I opened one eye.  "And if I do?"

	"I'll let you have first dibs on pancakes."

	I chuckled.  "You drive a hard bargain."

	"Mommy!"  James jumped onto the bed.  "Wake up!"

	I laughed and sat up.  "Alright, I'm up. I'm up."

He grinned and sat down in my lap.

	I wrapped my arms around his waist and ruffled his hair.  "Morning
sprout."

	"Can I have pancakes, too?"

	I chuckled. "Of course."

	Dawn grinned.  "Teddy's busy making them."

	"So the boy can cook."

	"He can do a lot more than cook," Kat said, walking into the room
and sitting down on the bed. "Good morning."

	"Morning," I grinned.

	Teddy poked his head in, complete with apron and chef's hat.  "Are
you guys ready or should I bring up the food?"

	"We'll be down, don't worry."

	He clicked his tongue and left the room.

	I stretched and plopped James down on the bed.  "Why don't you go
set the table for Teddy and Kat."

	He nodded, jumped off the bed and scurried out of the room.

	Kat watched me and him.  "He's yours, right?  Not just adopted."

	I nodded.  "Yeah, he's mine."

	She nodded and left the room.  "See you guys in a few minutes."

	I fell back onto the bed and Dawn sat on my stomach.  "Yes?"

	Dawn grinned at me.  "Hi."

	I smiled back.  "Hi.  We said we'd be down in a few minutes."

	She leaned forward and kissed me.  "They can wait."

But I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this. And do you know Carolina
Where the biscuits are soft and sweet.
But I haven't seen Barbados so I must get out of this.

5am friday morning thursday night far from sleep
I'm still up and driving can't go home obviously
So I'll just change direction cause they'll soon know where I live
And I wanna live
Got a full tank and some chips

It was me and a gun and a man on my back
And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants

You can laugh
Its kind of funny
Things you think
Times like these
Like I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this

Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread for you, your friends
Your father, Mr Ed

It was me and a gun and a man on my back
But I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this

And I know what this means
Me and Jesus a few years back used to hang
And he said "it's your choice babe just remember
I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time so you choose well"
Tell me whats right
Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville

It was me and a gun and a man on my back
But I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this

and do you know CAROLINA
Where the biscuits are soft and sweet
These things go through your head when there's a man on your back
And you're pushed flat on your stomach it's not a classic caddilac

It was me and a gun and a man on my back
But I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this
I haven't seen BARBADOS so I must get out of this