Date: Sun, 19 Sep 1999 15:27:34 -0700 (PDT)
From: deeannlaws@yahoo.com
Subject: My Secret Love Part 10

MY SECRET LOVE
By D. Laws


Warning:  This does contain material involving same sex relations, if you are
offended by this in any way then don't read it.  This is only for fun,
and not meant for anything else.


Part Ten

Conclusion to the saga of Samantha and Lauri...


I pulled out of my driveway and headed down the road as I flipped back and
forth the radio channels.  I was sick of hearing love songs, and wasn't in
the mood to hear them so I turned the radio off.  My heart was heavy as it
was, and I didn't need to hear songs about broken hearts and lost loves.

I was about to turn onto the the exit to take the interstate when I heard
someone blaring their horn at me.  I didn't pay too much attention but was
getting irritated by the minute with this person riding my ass behind me.

They wouldn't stop beeping their horn, and came up beside me.  I turned to
look at them and was shocked to see who it was.  It was Lauri and she was
waving her arms at me directing me to pull over.  I pulled over to the
side of the road completely shocked and wondered what the hell was going on.
I opened my car door and walked towards her as she got out of her car and
came running up to me all crazy like and out of breath.

She started rambling all crazy nonsense and I couldn't make out a thing
she was trying to say.  I told her to calm down and to take a breath before
she tried to speak again.  I placed my hand on her shoulder trying to ease
her, as Lauri calmed down and finally got her breath.

	"Are you okay?" I said concerned.

	"Yes, I'm fine now that I caught up with you.  I went to your
	apartment but you were already gone.  I was running late in
	traffic so when I got to your apartment and you were gone I started
	to freak out."  Lauri started to cry.

	"Shhh...it's okay Lauri.  See, you found me." I said smiling and
	comforting her.

	"I just got all crazy thinking I would never get a chance to see you
	again and say goodbye.  And I drove like a maniac all hysterical
	trying to find your car."

	"Well, I'm glad you caught up with me.  I did wait around for you,
	but I thought you changed your mind about coming to say goodbye."

	"No, never Samantha. I love you, I would never want you to leave
	without knowing how much I care." Lauri paused for a few seconds,
	"Here," Lauri said, her hands shaking, "I wanted to give you
	something before you leave."  Lauri took a little package out of her
	purse and handed it to me.

I looked at her puzzled and opened up the gift.  I looked at it and my eyes
began to water with tears.  "It's beautiful Lauri," I said sniffling wiping
my tears from my eyes. It was a gold and diamond shaped pendant and necklace.
I turned it over and saw an inscription. It read, "My Secret Love...I will
always love you."

I smiled at the inscription for it was so right, we were both each other's
secret loves for our relationship had been a secret from everyone.
I pulled Lauri into me and hugged her and thanked her for the beautiful
gift.  "I will always treasure it Lauri and hold it dear to my heart. I will
always wear it."

I put it on my neck immediately and smiled at Lauri.

	"Keep it as an rememberance of me and our love," Lauri said sadly.

	"Oh darling, I don't need anything to remember you by.  For you will
	always be a part of me.  Your my heart, and I will never stop
	loving you Lauri...never."  I started to cry and tried to pull
	away from Lauri so she wouldn't see my tears.

But Lauri pulled me into her and we embraced, looking into each other's eyes
with such intensity and love that it pierced our hearts and souls.  We were
both so saddened and our hearts were so heavy.  I leaned into her and kissed
her one last time as we kissed so intensely and urgently as we knew this
would be our last time.  Lauri's hands held my face pulling me more into her
as our kisses and tears mixed together as we cried and kissed so
passionately.

I had to pull away knowing that it would only make it worse the longer we
continued to kiss and hold each other, and as hard as it was to pull away
from her I knew I had to go.  I looked back at her crying.

	Lauri looked at me one last time, "I'll always love you Samantha
	Pearson. " She said to me as we both walked away from each other.
	"I won't say goodbye Samantha, for it will never be goodbye for us."

I turned back and smiled sadly at her. "Till next time then my love," I
said as the tears flowed down my face.

	"Till next time Samantha," Lauri said smiling back at me.

We both got back into our cars, as I drove off.  Lauri sat there awhile
as her tears washed over her face.  "I'll never forget you Samantha," she
said to herself as she started up her car and drove off.

I continued to drive fighting off my tears as my hand wrapped around the
pendant.  I squeezed it in my hand, and sighed and smiled sadly to myself.
She would always be a part of me, and I knew I would never love another
like her again.  She was everything to me, all that I had ever hoped for and
everything I ever needed in my life.  I would have done anything for her,
to have her love and only her, but sadly I knew that was impossible.
I sniffled and wiped away my tears, "at least I'll have her in my dreams,"
I thought sadly to myself as I continued to drive along the freeway to a
new beginning and new life for myself.


Six years later....


Though all this time had passed I still often thought of Lauri and wondered
how she was.  I never got involved with anyone again after her, though I
tried to date, I just never could get into it.  My heart would always be
with Lauri, and I just could never get over that to be with anyone else, so
I stayed alone and put all of my time and energy the past few years into my
work and my career.  I finished up my masters degree in research and did alot
of research and development with dental products and services, and travelled
the countryside doing conventions as well as working in private practices as
well.

I had worked for Patti for a couple of years but once I received my research
degree and began travelling quite a bit I advanced in my career and had
other offers and opportunities.  Though I didn't work for Patti anymore we
still remained in contact, and remained good friends, and hung out
occassionally.  She had been a wonderful boss to work for those first couple
of years and really gave me my first break in everything in starting out my
career.

And now here I am, I travel everywhere and give speeches on new developments
and such, and write for a few dental journals as well, so I've kept myself
pretty busy these past few years.  But I've had to, if only for my own
survival I've had to put everything I had into my work and helping others,
and not think of my own problems and past.  It has helped me.  I love my
work and find great pleasure in all that I have accomplished in that time,
so I don't feel I've wasted my life by not having a social life and dating.
I feel I get all I need from my work and helping others and I'm content
with that.

I remember telling Shirley at one time so long ago it seems now, that it was
a small world for she had family out here.  Well she ended up calling me
out of the blue a few years ago.  She did stay behind for a year or so
and worked in the city where we graduated, but then she came out East here.
She called me up one afternoon tracking me down at the University of
Pennsylvania for I was still working with Patti at the time, actually it was
just before I left there and started out my research.  I was quite surprised
but it was nice to hear from her.  We met up and started to hang out as well
occassionally.  On one of the occassions when we were out I introduced
shirley to Patti, and it was love at first sight for the both of them, so
I guess you can say I brought them together.  Shirley now works for Patti
as her hygienist, and I actually think their four year anniversary is
coming up here soon that they've been together, which reminds me I better
put that down in my date book.  Hmmm...where was I?  Yes, okay, talking
about Shirley.

Anyway the past few years Shirley and I have developed a great friendship.
She jokes about how her and I could have had something together at the
beginning, if I wasn't so hung up on Lauri.  I know she's joking though.
Shirley and Patti are made for each other, I wouldn't think of any two who
belong more together, than of course me and Lauri, but that's besides the
point.   Anyway, I told her about me and Lauri a few years ago.
Shirley is such a pain at times though, she's always trying to set me up on
these blind dates, though I cancel out on them all the time which frustrates
the hell out of her.

She thinks I'm wasting my life, and need to get out and have some type of
personal life.  Well I must say, she tries anyway.  But she doesn't seem
to realize that I can't just move on after Lauri.  God, I have tried, but
I haven't been able to.  Lauri just will always be a part of me, and I
can't love another when I'm still so much in love with her, even after all
these years I still love her as much as that first day.  She was my
soul mate, and I just can't have that with anyone else.  But I do give
Shirley credit.  She makes me laugh for she tries anyway, it's always
something new with her.  She'll call me up and tells me there's someone
who wants to meet me and I just laugh.  I just ignore her most of the time
now though, and we just joke about it.  Poor Patti, she actually lives with
Shirley and has to put up with her not only at work but at home too, but
I say that jokingly, for they really are perfect together.

There was this one time though a few years back about four years ago I
did run into Lauri at one of the conventions.  She was there as well giving
a speech.  I wanted to go up to her and talk with her, but I noticed when
she left that her husband was with her so I didn't go up to her.  I'm not
too sure if she knew I was there for she left before I gave my speech.
Well at least I know she is well, and I guess happy with her husband.  I
wish I could say the same for myself, but truthfully I am happy, my work
does bring me some form of fullfillment and contentment.

Well I better put this journal down, I have to pack again, I have to head
off to another convention tomorrow so I have plenty to do here.

Samantha put her journal down and went upstairs of her apartment and pulled
out a bag and began to pack her things for the next day.  She was heading
off to Chicago for a big convention, only a select few would be attending
this one, and Samantha was one of the chosen few.  It was almost an honor to
have been selected.  Samantha wondered if Lauri would be at this one for
she knew Lauri was pretty prestigious in some of her work, but then again
she hadn't seen her in over four years now at any of the other conventions,
so maybe she wouldn't be there.  Samantha kind've hoped that she wouldn't be,
she didn't need to have old hurts and pains rehashed like it had been for her
when she saw Lauri and her husband together that one day at that convention.

Samantha was finishing up with her packing and heading off to bed when she
heard her doorbell ring.  "Oh God, who could that be at this hour!" Samantha
griped to herself.  Samantha ran down the stairs to the front door and
peeked through her window, and smiled to herself as she opened the door.

	"Hello, Shirley, now what do I owe this pleasure?" Samantha said
	smiling.

	"Hi babe, how you're doing?" Shirley said smiling as she walked in.

	"I'm fine Shirley.  What brings you by so late?"

	"Well I was in the neighbourhood, and saw your light still on."

	"Hmmm...yeah okay, I buy that one.  C'mon what's going on?"

	"Well actually this weekend, I'm not sure if you know but Patti
	and I are celebrating our 4th year anniversary and we would like
	you to come, especially since we owe a big part of us being together
	to you."

	"Well Shirley you know I would come, but you could have told me
	that on the phone, so why else did you stop by?"

	"Can't a friend stop by and visit." Shirley said smiling.

	"Yeah, of course but this late."

	"Actually I am sorry about it being late, I forgot that you go to
	bed so early." Shirley said laughing. "Seriously I really wasn't
	paying attention to the time."

	"But I did meet someone tonight who I invited to the anniversary
	party that I wanted to stop by and tell you about."

	"Ahh...no you don't.  Not again Shirley.  No more blind dates,
	please!"

	"Come on Samantha, you'd like her.  She's about your age, maybe a
	little older and works in the medical field.  She seems very nice
	and interesting.  Heck if I wasn't so in love with Patti I would
	go for her."

	"Shirley, please.  I'm sure your right, she's probably a very nice
	person, but I'm not interested.  I hope you didn't promise her
	anything, that I would go out with her or anything."

	"Come on Samantha.  How long has it been?  When are you going to
	give it up and get on with your life?"

	"What are you talking about?"

	"You know what I'm talking about...Lauri?"

	"Shirley, please can we give it a rest.  Let me take care of my own
	personal life."

	"Exactly Samantha, your not taking care of your own personal life.
	Look, just come to the party this weekend, she'll be there.  I just
	told her about you and didn't set anything up.  Besides just meet
	her, you don't have to go out with her.  Just meet her, and go from
	there...okay?"

	"Fine Shirley I'll meet her, but I won't promise anything."

	"Great Samantha.  Well I better get moving here, I don't want to
	keep my love waiting for me."

	"Okay Shirley get home to your love." I said smiling as I opened the
	door as Shirley left and walked to her car.

I shut my door and took a deep sigh, "Damn Shirley I wish sometimes you
would just stay out of my life," I said to myself as I leaned against the
door shaking my head.   I walked upstairs and climbed into bed for I had
to be up early to catch the plane.  I turned my lights off and fell off to
sleep as my distant thoughts of Lauri filled my head.

Earlier that evening....

Lauri was filling some paperwork out and packing before she had to leave for
the convention the next day.  One of her daughters came out into the living
room with their bags.

	"Mom, grandma is here to pick us up."

	"Where's your sister?" Lauri asked.

	"She's upstairs getting dressed."

	"Okay, go get your sister and tell her that grandma is here to pick
	you guys up to take you to your dad's."

Lauri's mother-in-law came in to take Lauri's daughters to their father's as
Lauri would be leaving very early the next day and would be gone for a few
days at the convention in Chicago.  Lauri wished her daughters well, who
were now teenagers, and told them to have a good time at their father's while
she was gone.

Lauri had been divorced for about four years now.  In fact the day Samantha
had seen them at the convention was around the same time that they had
divorced.  Lauri never contacted Samantha, though she still thought of her
often, and still loved her. She figured that Samantha moved on with her
life, and Lauri didn't want to hurt her or bother her again so Lauri stayed
out of Samantha's life by not contacting her.

Week of the convention....

The convention hall was full.  It had been a full week of long busy days, and
many speeches given, but all in all it was an excellent presentation that
they had put together.  I was quite pleased with the new information and
insights I had learned from others to bring back out East for my own research
and practice.  The convention ended with me delivering a speech and then we
would be finishing up with the convention.  I had to leave for some of the
speeches though cause I had other business to attend to, so I did miss one
or two of the speeches that were given but majority of the time I was there.

Anyway I finished my speech and with that the convention was over with.
I was gathering my reports and paperwork as Mike came up to me.  He was a
dentist I had come to know over the years from going to the conventions, we
had come to be good friends and he was a mutual friend of Patti's as well.

	"Samantha, great speech...congratulations!  It was excellent.  You
	always do seem to wow us at the end."

	"Yeah, sure thing Mike," I said smiling as I gathered my things.

	"No really that was a great presentation. So when are you going to
	come and work for me?"

I smiled at him.  "You're never going to give up, are you?"

	"Nope, not when your one of the best researchers and hygienists
	I've known."

	"Well you know I'm happy where I'm at Mike."

	"Yeah, I know, can't blame a guy for trying." He said smiling.
	"Hey, why don't you join me and Paul for supper tonight."

	"Oh I can't Mike.  I have some work I need to work on before I
	leave tomorrow. "

	"You know, you work yourself too hard Samantha.  You need to take a
	break sometime, and have a life."

	"Well, your not the first one to tell me that." I said smiling. "Let
	me guess, you've been talking to Shirley and Patti...right?"

	"Ahh...busted." He said laughing.

	"I really do appreciate your guys concern.  But you have nothing
	to worry about."

	"Well I tried." He said patting me on my back. "Well I better take
	off here cause Paul is waiting for me at home.  He'll be disappointed
	you didn't join us.  Oh well, maybe next time Samantha."

	"Yeah, maybe." I said laughing as Mike walked off the stage and
	waved goodbye.

I grabbed my things and headed down the stairs of the stage as I saw someone
in the distant still waiting in the hall.  "It couldn't be, could it?" I
said to myself as my heart began to beat out of my chest and my hands
becoming sweaty and shaky as I walked towards this person.

She smiled at me as I got closer.  My face lit up as our eyes met.  It had
been so long, but looking into those same eyes I had dreamt of for so long
brought back so much love and feeling again.  I couldn't believe that it
was really her, and that she was actually smiling and waiting for me.

We were both a few years older now but she still looked as beautiful as ever
in my eyes.  I approached her speechless.  I didn't know what to say.
She smiled at me and embraced me in a long friendly hug.

	"God, you look wonderful Samantha!" She said smiling, with so much
	love in her eyes. "I heard your speech. I must say I'm quite
	impressed.  All I can say is...wow!"

	I smiled back.  "You look wonderful yourself Lauri.  How
	are you?  I'm so surprised to see you.  I've been here all week
	and didn't see you.  Wow...it's just great to see you!" I said so
	happy.

	"Well I've been here all week, I gave my speech a few days ago.
	Maybe you missed that one." Lauri said smiling.

	"Maybe I did," I said smiling, "It's a shame, I would have loved to
	have heard it."

	"Well you still can, if you want." She said.

	"So how are you?" I said again all excited to see Lauri in front of
	me.

	"I'm great Samantha, and yourself?"

	"I'm fine.  What about your kids...your husband? How are they?"

	"Well my daughters are pretty much grown now, and they're doing great,
	 and my husband is my ex husband as of four years ago."

	"Oh...I'm sorry Lauri, I didn't mean to impose."

	"No, it's quite alright Samantha.  Our marriage was pretty much over
	with a long time ago.  It was for the best for the both of us."

	"So have you been seeing anyone then?" I asked holding my breath.

	"Nope, been just trying to deal with my own life and putting alot
	into my daughters and work.  What about you, dating anyone?"

	"No, I'm still single."

	"Really...I'm surprised." Lauri said shocked.

	"Why?"

	"Oh, I just had thought you would have been with someone by now.
	You've got so much going for you.  Look at you, this professional
	speaker and researcher, journalist, at so much more.  Your beautiful,
	I just had thought... well, anyway sorry if I am imposing now."

	"No, your not.  To tell you the truth Lauri, I never really got over
	you," I said honestly. "And just put alot of myself in my work and
	career as you can see, but I've been happy though with that."

	"Really, well that's no way to live Samantha. You need a personal
	life as well."

	"Well yeah maybe but I was just never ready for that after us."

	"Yeah, I can relate to that as well."

	"You can?" I said surprised.

	Lauri smiled. "Yeah, after us, well it was just never the same
	for my husband and me, and I finally realized I didn't love him the
	same anymore, that my heart and love was always, and had always been
	with you."  Lauri looked up at me and smiled again as she reached
	and grabbed the necklace around my neck.  "Wow, you still have it."

	"Oh, this thing." I said as I pulled the pendant and necklace out of
	my shirt.  "Yes, the heart and diamond necklace you gave me.  You
	see I told you I would always treasure it and I have always kept it
	close to my heart." I said smiling at Lauri.

	"Wow, I'm surprised." Lauri turned it over and read the inscription
	and smiled.  "My Secret Love...I will always love you."  Lauri
	paused and cleared her throat.  "So, anyway, Samantha would you like
	to join me for supper?"

	"Well, I do have alot of work I need to do tonight before I leave
	tomorrow."

Lauri looked hurt by my answer and politely said it was nice seeing me again
before she was about to walk off.

	"Um...Lauri, " I said smiling.  "I did say I had alot of work to do,
	but I didn't say I wouldn't join you." I grabbed Lauri's hand,
	"How bout you join me for dinner in my room at the hotel, I hear
	they have good service there, besides, we have alot to catch up on...
	don't you think?" I said smiling seductively at Lauri.

She grabbed my hand and turned towards me raising her eyebrows at me, then
she leaned into me as our lips so softly met.  It had been so long, but the
feelings and love was still there between us, just like time had never
passed.  We had wasted so much time being apart, and finally now this was
our time.

She whispered in my ear, "I love you Samantha, I never stopped loving you.
I'll never leave you again...I promise.  You have my heart and my soul...
forever."

I felt my tears flowing down my face as I pulled her into me for another
long and passionate kiss.  I pulled back and looked lovingly into her eyes,
"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that to me," I said
as I pulled her into me for another kiss.

That night we did alot of catching up, and spent that evening in each other's
arms renewing our love and our vows of love to each other.  It was the
beginning of our new life together.  We had waited for this for so long,
and now finally we had our chance.

	"Honey, what are you doing?" Lauri said interrupting me as she
	came down the stairs.

	"Oh, I'm just finishing up in my journal here."

	"What are you writing about?"

	I smiled, "Us...our life, how we met, and things like that."

	"Oh, so your telling the whole world about our love story, huh?"
 	Lauri said smiling.

	"Yeah, I guess I am." I smiled up into her loving eyes. "I'm
	finishing up here now darling.  I'll be up in just a few minutes."

	"Okay sweetheart, don't be too long now."

	"I won't," I said smiling at my love as she went back upstairs.

Well this leaves me to the end of my journal.  Lauri and I are together now,
finally! We are really happy and so much in love.  As I said a while back
she was my soul mate then, and is my soul mate, and I knew even then that
she would always be a part of my life and my heart, even when things were
the bleakest in our life.  So it goes to show never give up on your true
love, for you never know when you will find that one true love ever again.
This is our life, and how we got to this point.  I can't write anything more
for the future is unwritten but do know that we are very happy.

Well, I'll end this now, for I don't want to keep my love waiting.
Goodnight to all, and goodluck in finding your true love and soulmate as
Lauri and I had found each other.  Yours Sincerley,

                                          Samantha Pearson