Written by: TVM (mrtvm@mrtvm.com)

Archive: www.asstr.org/~TheVertManArchive/Stories/SayWhat/Index.html

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Do you know what it's like to grow up as an intensely shy 'fly on the wall' bookworm? I hope not because it sucks for the most part. But that was the life of Elizabeth Erin Waycross (me!). I was so shy that most days between classes you could find me hid away in the library with my head buried in a book and hoping and praying no would talk to me. My biggest fear during those four years was having to have a conversation with someone, be it teacher or fellow student. Yes I was really that shy. I always walked with my head down and arms folded across my chest to keep people from noticing the major bumps I had developed. It just wasn't very much fun to be me during those years.

"...grow up and get a life, this whole shy act has gotten old Elizabeth" Mom told me the day before my senior year was to start. It was the tail end of a brutal verbal beating that she had just delivered. I sat there crying for an hour or so after she had gone to work that night and just wished I could be different and be out going like she wanted. It took me a few days to work my way out of my funk/borderline depression. Not before another fight with Mom that had me laying on the bed crying in sobs, pleading with her to shut up. She wouldn't and finally started in on my long missing father like always and that made something deep inside me snap. After another particularly hurtful comment I exploded, for the first and only time in my life, bolting out of the bed and crashing into her, not on purpose mind you, and then started to scream in reply until she finally shut up. Finishing off by stalking her as she crawled out of my room like a scared bitch.

That was the moment that finally forced me out of my shell, so to speak, because after that there was no way I could go back to being the silent bookworm that never offered an objection to anything. Now make no mistake, it wasn't easy, but I was determined to now make an effort. So day by day and minute by minute I tried to put myself out there. Even offering an opinion or two in class, which I had never done before unless forced. So after a few weeks and garnering virtually no interest from the boys in school it just seemed at times that it wasn't worth all the pain. But as I've heard my whole life, every dark cloud has a silver lining. That silver lining was Annie Parks. A girl who was as much like as me as anyone I had ever met. Intensely shy, lonely, emotional and scared of her own shadow. So how did we meet? She bumped into me while running from a bully who was trying to take her lunch money.

"I'm sorry" She said in a panicked voice as she slammed into me and causing both of us to drop the books we were carrying. She dropped to her knees and scrambled to help me pick mine up before I sat down and stopped her. "What?"

"Calm down it's OK" I said softly as she half smiled. "Who you running from?"

"UMMMMMM...Marnee Walker" She said and handing me my papers before she quickly collected her own and practically bolted to her feet and disappeared into the crowd. I saw Marnee, the school's tough girl, lumbering down the hall and took off after this mystery girl. I spotted her going into the bathroom and followed her inside. Faintly hearing a seemingly terrified voice saying, "Take the money please..."

"I don't want your money" I said as I moved in front of the stall she was hiding in. "Open up?"

"Go away...you're not Marnee?" She said as I laughed. Opening the stall door and seeing me she relaxed a bit. "Hi...again."

"Don't tell her I'm in here?" She asked. "My names Annie Parks, I'll be your friend...like you care."

"Deal" I said as I linked my arm with hers and gently persuaded her to follow me back out of the bathroom. Funny thing is Marnee never messed with her again, not sure why, but she never did. Annie turned out to be sweet, shy and very loyal. We were acting like sisters in no time and in each other we found something no one else had let us experience, a kindred spirit. She called me every five minutes after school and always wiggled an invite to my house and to be honest it got to be a bit much after a while. But I always remembered that she was everything I had ever wanted in a friend and after a while it became normal.

"You two act like fags" Mom said in a particularly memorable rant about mine and Annie's close relationship. Annie standing behind me in the hallway scared out of her mind and me just wanting my psychotic mother to shut up. "Why don't you move to Massachusetts and get married?"

"Will you be my best man?" I snapped as Annie laughed. I turned and walked off, taking Annie's hand and making sure she followed me into my room where I slammed the door violently and started pacing as a steady stream of filth exited my mouth. You would think that my ranting and cursing would have scared Annie, I mean she was timid to say the least, but I think her being so comfortable with me made her feel safe and she just watched me for a long time. "I'm moving out as soon as I graduate."

"Come lay down, you're gonna get a headache from being upset" Annie said as she had me lay down beside her. I realized them that she knew me so well, better then even my own mother. "Can I move in with you when you move out?"

"Do you even need to ask?" I replied as she smiled and snuggled up to me.  

Over the course of that Senior year, I grew slowly more comfortable with my new attitude in life and dragged Annie along with me and made her do it as I did. She gave me those pleading puppy dog eyes more than a few times, but I always got her to do it eventually. Like getting her involved in Photography club and getting her to be friends with a few of the other girls.

Some good things happened for me too, like I got asked to Homecoming by a very nice guy named Clark Duncan, but my friendship with Annie would end up being the end of that before it even began. See Annie was struggling in Math and flunked a big test and was as upset as I'd ever seen her. So just a few minutes after the test, we're in the library, her crying in my arms, nothing unusual really, but Clark sure thought it was. He walked in and saw it and wouldn't let me explain. Claiming I was really a lesbian and Annie was my secret girlfriend. The rumors flew and well you know high school, people believed them and so there I was, branded as the school's newest lesbian without every having had a dirty thought about a girl.

Annie was beside herself with grief over the test and what Clark said and then did. But weird thing is after the dust had settled I realized I didn't really care all that much. Clark was nice enough looking but was also a bit preppy and a total neat freak. I guess we could have had a nice relationship but I get the feeling that what happened was not all that bad really. Annie calmed down when she figured out that I was still her best friend and wasn't gonna abandon her for some guy with nice pecks.

"I wouldn't mind being your girlfriend, at least you'd be good to me" Annie said sometime after that. "We should go to graduation and you just like kiss me in front of everyone. Ha, that'd show them."

"Dyke" I said in reply as we both laughed. Which made me smile and for that reason alone, I never fully confronted the rumors. I simply took my last few tests and let the school year wind down. I went to graduation for one reason and one reason only, Annie's twisted idea, it sounded better and better as the days before the ceremony dragged on. By that night I informed Annie of my intentions and she just laughed and offered no resistance.  

"Elizabeth Waycross" Principal Napel announced as I slowly rose and extended by hand to Annie as she grinned and bounced up. We made our way onto the stage to a smattering of confused giggles and one rude football player screaming "fags". I flipped him off, which got me cheered, and when I turned back to Annie, her lips met mine in a kiss made for a Hollywood blockbuster. Such a great kiss. Her soft lips and her tongue so perfectly massaging against mine for a long moment was uber hot. It was also my first real kiss, being that my other 'first kiss' was when I was 8 years old. We touched foreheads and grinned at each other. Her looking like she'd always wanted to do that, she then turned and raised her arms victoriously to the crowd as she hopped off the stage and back to her seat. I blushed and took my Diploma.

That kiss changed everything for me. Not that me and Annie became lovers or even real girlfriends (we didn't) but it did make me reconsider my sexuality for real. I mean let's face it, the only guy who had ever given me the time of day had ended up thinking I was gay, and after that kiss at graduation we pretty much confirmed the rumors, even it was for a show of defiance. So, that kiss was amazing and well...for whatever reason I decided a few days later to pursue the whole lesbian thing and see what came of it. I mean I could always go back to being straight at the first sign of a handsome stranger coming to sweep me off my feet. Problem is all of that got seriously side tracked with me preparing for College (Brookins State) in the fall and everything.

So me and Annie got a small two bedroom loft on Philadelphia's West side. She got a job at the coffee shop ('The Coffee Table') down the street and I got a job at the video store (Video Plus #2414) on down the street a ways. She worked mornings and I worked nights and we basically played up the whole girlfriend/girlfriend thing so we could concentrate on saving money and not have to worry about being asked out by some creepy loser. Not sure why we wanted to pretend to be girlfriends but we did and everyone bought into it. Me planning to "break it off" when college officially began in the fall. But things never quiet work out the way you plan.

I was working late on 'drop day' (Tuesday, the day all the new movies go up for rental) and I'd say it was about 11 or so that night when SHE came in with a younger girl. I looked up from a magazine and was immediately struck by the cuteness of her dorky dimpled smile. She placed the returnee's in the bin and smiled at me in a way that made me think she was more interested than I knew. She walked off with who turned out to be her sister and my eyes roamed down to another site, her butt. I blushed after a moment and turned away reluctantly. Turning back to my magazine and trying to get interested in an article but finding myself still stealing glances at her and finding more and more to like about her. Her younger sister giggled and brought my gawking to the mystery girls attention. I was scared that was she gonna get me in trouble with the manager or something but she simply smiled again and nodded casually.

"Oh mylanta" I said as I realized I'd just made eyes at my first girl and she, I think, had returned that interest. Before that insane thought could progress very far the damn store phone began ringing. "Hello, Video Plus."

"Hey" Annie said from the other end of the line. I smiled, wanting to kill her but knowing she always called to check on me at about this time. Basically making sure I'd be ready when she walked down to meet me. "You bout ready?"

"Yeh by the time you get here" I replied. Spying another quick peak at the mystery girls butt.

"So I'm watching this Discovery Channel show, Walking with Dinosaurs" She commented. Me wanting to hang up. "It says they had dinosaurs in China a hundred million years ago."

"Very interesting, I gotta go" I said and getting ready to hang up.

"Wait, wait, I got a question, it's why I called" She said.

"Yes?" I asked in frustration. Taking a deep breath and seeing my nosey ass boss, Mr. Simpkins, sticking his nose out of his office to make sure I wasn't making personal calls on company time. That man is a serious bastard. Cheating on his wife, I found that out by snooping at his date book and he's skimming money from the company. I wish something would happen so he would be fired and they'd replace him with someone who wasn't nearly as creepy. A long moment silence of forming on the phone line as Annie listened to something on the TV. "Annie? Hello? I gotta go."

"OK, OK, I'm back" She said.

"Your question?"

"Do you think Chinese Dinosaurs had slanted eyes?" Annie asked. I burst out laughing and had to hold onto the desk in front of me to keep from falling over. "Well?"

"Good bye" I said in a fit of giggles. Annie laughed as well as we hung up. Trying to get my composure as the mystery girl and her sister collected the movies they planned to rent and finally made their way to the front. Her leaning across the counter a bit and grinning as I took the movies and her member card and found out her name was Alexandra Patterson. I slipped my reading glasses on and typed in the required information and just happened to glance up and saw her staring at me intently. I blushed and returned that smile and wanted desperately to say something but my mind was drawing a serious blank in that moment (shyness?). Looking at the movies I heard my mouth say, "Juno?"

"MMMMMMM HMMMMMM" She said as her little sister giggled knowingly. "Ellen Page is great."

"And you're hot for her" The Little Sister said. Making me blush.

"Jackie, shut up" The Girl said.

"Bite me Alexandra" Jackie said to her sister. "You the one making eyes at the video girl."

"I'm gonna skin you..." Alex said as she chased her little sister back down one of the isles before stopping and coming back. I offered no reply as I spied Jackie giggling and briefly thought about her confirming this Alex girls interest in me. Talk about a thrill. That's when I realized that she was looking down the front of my t-shirt at the top of my tits. Now ordinarily I know most girls find that disgusting, but never having had anyone do that to me before, I loved it. I leaned forward a bit more in the chair I was sitting in, trying to make it look natural and gave her a really good view. She might have even got a glimpse of a nipple, I hope so. "Twelve thirty five?"

"Here you go" She said as she handed me the money. I collected the money and handed her change back to her and bagged the movies and handed them to Jackie. Alex walking through the metal detectors and stopping, her sister walking on outside, me looking away for a moment when I heard her voice. "When are these do back?"

"Two days and by 6:00 pm" I said as she smiled. "Tell me if the movie with the lesbian is any good."

"Huh?" She asked and it dawned on me that she may not have heard the internet rumor about Ellen Page's supposed sexuality. The story goes that I was online and got an email from a friend with a link that told all about it. Someone had even said she was on some San Fransisco radio show and refused to discuss her sexuality when asked directly by a caller. But I always take anything I hear on the internet with a grain of salt. So knowing now that she probably had no clue about it I went on to explain, "I heard on the internet that Ellen was gay."

"Her? The Preggo chick?" Alex asked as she pointed at the poster of the very movie hanging just behind the counter.

"Uh huh" I said and leaning on the counter. "Don't know if it's true but...you know."

"Hell yeah she's hot, hope she is playing for our team" She said as I blushed.

"Our team?" I asked as she leaned across the counter to meet my gaze and smiled. "Oh boy."

"As in mine and yours, you were making eyes at me" She said with a look that oozed confidence. "Tell me I'm wrong and I'll leave."

"Don't know never had anyone try me out" I said and groaned as I realized how perverted that sounded. Me looking away for a moment and hoping for a long moment that she would now just leave and let me blush in private.

"I hope that's an invite" She said as I looked back up to find her grinning. "I mean you've basically let me look down your shirt twice now."

"I did no such thing" I said in mock horror. It took me a moment to realize that this was the first time in my life that someone was flirting with me hardcore. I thought for a second as I watched her smile at me and figured so what if she did only want my body, no one else had ever shown this much interest. So I decided then that regardless of what happened I was gonna flirt back, hardcore, I was after all at work and nothing truly bad was gonna happen in such a public place, also she was a girl and a hot one. So after a seriously long moment of her giggling to herself I fired back with the first thing that came to mind, and maybe it wasn't the best thing to say but it still came out. "Did you like what you saw?"

"I am not answering that cause if I do you're gonna use it as a reason to not talk to me again" She said as I grinned. "You will talk to me again?"

"Sure I'm here every night four to twelve" I said. "You do have to return those movies you know?"

"Maybe I'll bring them back early" She said with a sly smile.

"You do that" I replied.

"So I'm Alexandra but my friends call me Alex, you're Liz right?" She asked. My name tag being fairly prominent at that very moment. A serious case of nerves plunging it's way through my body in that moment as the reality of what was happening set in. I was doing the thing that I had spent years fantasizing about. Only the part of Alex was always played by some handsome stud named Mark, John or Romeo. But here this girl was flirting with me and I was honestly flattered by the attention. "Wait, you get off in a few minutes, right?"

"Yeh I get off every night" I said as she smiled and it dawned on me how perverted that comment could be taken by someone with a dirty mind. I laughed, blushed and covered my face with my hands for a long moment. She had to think I was stupid by then after the way I had answered such a simple direct question. Or maybe, just maybe she thought I was simply a pervert. Either way it's rather embarrassing. Alex laughed as I looked back up at her. "That totally come out wrong."

"Maybe you need some help coming then?" She asked with a suggestive poking of her tongue at the side of her jaw. "Huh?"

"I do not need help coming...ugh" I said and realized too late that I had walked right into that one. She laughed.

"You're cute when you blush" She said as I looked up at her again as she leaned on the counter. "Really cute, you wanna go on a date with me?"

"Pretty girl say what?" I asked as she grinned and nodded her head to confirm the invitation was real. "UMMMMMM...I dunno."

Stay tuned...