OK readers, we have reached a turning point in our heroine's life. I have said often that this story is fiction, but fiction inspired by true event. Well dear readers, shit is about to get real. There is no actual sex in this chapter. If you have been reading my stories because you like the sex scenes, and who can blame you for that, you might want to wait for Part 11. I do however, encourage to read this part because it lays out the path our protagonist will follow from here out. Take a deep breath. You might want to have some Kleenex handy too.

 

Part 10: The Days That Changed My World.

 

Now dear reader, the pace slows down. These next two days changed my world. I was going to have to tell my mom and dad that I was gay before some hate-filled asshole at the church did. If they were going to hear it, they were going to hear it from me. Damnit, why I was I going to be all noble like this? I had never really thought about how this scene would play out but on a cold, damp Illinois October day it was all going to go down.

 

The next morning I was taken to church. I didn't fight going but my parents could tell I didn't enjoy it. This Sunday was awful. The church has gotten a new preacher who was fully on board with the "God Hates Fags" bunch from Kansas. Today was over three hours of shouting and stomping around about how the society needed to purged of the peril of the gays, especially gays who had infiltrated the church. He announced that over the next week church leadership would be interviewing (I took that as "interrogating with the possibility of torture") all church members, especially the young people, to root out gays in their midst. This preacher had been open on the radio that it was permissible to kill gays if they wouldn't change and I am sure he had ideas about telling my parents to send me off to one of those "conversion" camps. That sealed the deal. Today was the day.

 

At home that afternoon it took everything I had not to just sit in my room and bawl. I had no idea how my parents were going to take this. Would they kick me out of the family? Would they send me off to be tortured? Would I just disappear? I packed an old army duffel bag that I had bought at a flea market with as many of my clothes as I could and some of the books Lisa had given me. I included my prom dress, carefully folded in its box, and some of my beloved high-top sneakers (just my favorite colors), but I left the wrestling magazines. I figured that if this all went wrong my parents knowing I had porn in the house would be the least of my problems. I also carefully packed in the photos I had taken of Lisa as well as the two Rita had taken backstage with Joan Jett, Lisa, and I.

 

I called Lisa and told her what was going on and what I was going to do. I could tell she was crying. She would tell her parents and we would meet at the coffee shop at 4pm.

 

Her voice was really shaky, "So how do you think this will go?"

 

"I've got no idea. I'm up against years of church indoctrination about the evils of the world and rampant hatred of gay people; I don't know if family can win against that. I know too many times it doesn't." I was trying hard to hold it all together but the thought of being separated from Lisa and my other friends was about as horrible as horrible thoughts could get.

 

I could tell she took a deep breath, probably to keep from crying more, "I love you no matter what. If we need to go hide somewhere we will."

 

I laughed grimly, "Oh yeah, two white city girls like us trying to find a place to shit in the woods or taking to the highways of the American West like a demented lesbian version of On the Road. There's comedy for ya. I'll see you at the coffee shop no matter what. I love you baby."

 

I also called Lee. Even though she was away at college in Iowa she was still my touchstone. Lee had helped me start on the path to be my true self and so I often talked over tough things with her. Lee started crying too and assured me she would call her folks, who she said would be happy to take me in, if it came to that. She said she would let Gena and Annie know too, she was all "Girl Power" now. Lee's a problem solver and I think working out contingency plans for me helped keep her from breaking down.

 

"You got a `go bag' ready?"

 

"Yeah, I'll put it in the car and the keys will be in the ignition, so they can't be taken away from me."

 

"Do you think your mom and dad really will freak over this?"

 

"I hope not, but I have to be ready for it."

 

"OK. You take care of yourself. Love ya tramp."

 

"Love ya too, you horrible old slut." We both laughed grimly.

 

I had one last call to make. I called Rob's house and Cheri answered the phone. She could immediately tell that I was really upset.

 

"What's wrong Cindy?"

 

I told her the whole story. She wasn't as shocked as I thought she would be but I remembered she had grown up in a similar church so she had probably seen this stuff before. She put Rob on the phone.

 

I didn't mince words, "I have to come out to mom and dad before some asshole in the church outs me."

 

"Damn kid. You're stepping into the whirlwind here. You do what you know you need to do; we got your back no matter what. You need us, we're here for you."

 

"Thanks Rob."

 

"Be strong kid, you're doing the right thing. We're going to leave now so we can be there for you, if only after the fact. Don't try to talk me out of it kid, you know I can sometimes reason with mom and dad." He was right, as much as I hated to admit it.

 

That left me with one last thing. I put the duffel bag in the Yellow Submarine and left the keys in the ignition in case I had to make a quick exit. No matter what happened I was going to be with Lisa, dammit!

 

Gathering myself up as best I could I went in to the TV room, noting grimly that the couch my mom and sister were sitting on was also the couch where Lisa and I had first fucked. I just stood there for what seemed a long time. Mom looked up at me.

 

"What is it Cindy?"

 

"Mom, Dad, Janet (yes I included my bratty sister) I have to tell you something." There was a seriously tense energy in the room now. "I'm gay."

 

There, it was out (god what a terrible pun). I had said it out loud.

 

"I'm gay and I cannot go back to that church with you. I can't spend my Sundays with people who don't think I have a right to exist."

 

Mom just sat there, her mouth open a bit. Dad was looking at the floor. I think Janet was about to say something typically bitchy, but she seemed to think better of it. There's a first time for everything.

 

Dad spoke first. "How. How. How long have you been..."? He couldn't seem to be able to say "gay".

 

"Since 6^th grade, maybe earlier. I've always felt this way toward girls."

 

Mom looked up. "So you and Lisa...?" her voice just sort of trailed off.

 

"Yes, she is my girlfriend."

 

"And all those times she stayed here or you went to her house you two..."

 

I just nodded. I couldn't get out the words to the effect that Lisa and I fucked. A lot.

 

Dad looked up. "Why didn't you tell us?"

 

"I was afraid of how you would react. I mean, think about what we heard this morning. I didn't want to get kicked out of the family or even worse."

 

Now mom really started crying. "You thought we would do that to you? How could you!" Just by her tone of voice I could tell she was about to lose it.

 

My voice was going up in pitch and I was sounding kid of hysterical too. "How could I not! Every Sunday I heard horror stories about gays and witches and the danger that is everywhere. How us girls were the sluts who got good boys in trouble but if we got pregnant it was God's will and we had to get married! What did you expect!"

 

Dad looked at me, tears in his eyes. "Your mother and I have a lot to process here."

 

I nodded. In looking back, I think what hurt them the most was that I thought they would react in the absolute worst way and that they wouldn't love me anymore. "I'm going to go to the coffee shop. I need to think too." And with that I turned and left. I made it out to the car and managed to get it to rattle to life. I don't remember driving downtown but I got to the coffee shop and just sat on one of the couches leaning on the overstuffed arm, stunned.

 

Ben was behind the counter and I guess Lisa must have called him to fill him in on the situation because he got on the phone and he called her. Unbidden, he brought me a cup of hot Black Darjeeling tea (my favorite) and a damp towel to wipe off my face and then stood behind me, one hand on my shoulder. I wasn't crying again (yet) but my whole body was starting to shake.

 

Lisa came in about 10 minutes later. She took one look at me and I saw the blood drain from her face. She sat down next to me and I wrapped my arms around her and just started bawling. This was not some dainty sniffling dignified pretty-girl cry, this was an all-out ugly cry. Ben actually gave Lisa a towel to keep me from getting her covered in tears and snot. I was an absolute fucking mess. Years of stress from keeping my sexuality hidden from my family and almost everyone else as well as the pain I had seen on my parent's faces all came out. I may have been trying to talk but I am sure I made no sense. Lisa just held me and stroked my hair. I think she was crying too. I have no idea how long this went on for but at some point Rita and Katherine came in. Rita sat in a chair next to the couch, her hand on my back as I leaned on Lisa. Katherine sat at a table sipping a cappuccino quietly. Ray, my manager from the store, somehow heard what was going on and came in. He told Ben (I learned this later) that the store staff were all in my corner, no matter what.

 

At some point I cried myself out; I wasn't feeling any better but I had nothing left inside. I stayed on the couch with Lisa holding me tight, my eyes all red and my body still shaking from time to time. Katherine came over and knelt down in front of me and taking both my hands in hers. This was so different from anything I had ever seen from her it actually penetrated my emotional fog; it weirded me out some.

 

"Cynthia, you are a strong woman of honor. Do not let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise." I smiled weakly at her and she smiled back. For someone with an almost Klingon sense of honor and propriety this was a huge gesture. It made me cry some more.

 

Gena came running in, with Brian following at a more normal pace, and she pretty much threw herself on me. Normally being buried under her magnificent tits would be exciting but I hardly noticed. She gave me a hard kiss which I barely responded to, that's how out of it I was mentally.

 

"Lee and I are always here for you, whatever you need!"

 

Brian put his hand on my shoulder. "You are loved by a lot of people Cindy; never forget that." I squeezed his hand, Brian really was a nice guy.

 

The little bell over the door rang, signaling someone was coming in. I felt Lisa tense up a little. I looked up and saw her parents coming into the shop. I knew Lisa had told them at pretty much the same time as I told mine, but I had no idea how things had gone for her. She stood up and got me up off the couch (it was old, you really sank in deep), wiped the tears and snot off my face, straightened my t-shirt, gave me a quick kiss, and then she took my hand led me over to them.

 

"Mom, dad, this is my girlfriend Cindy and I love her." I couldn't help it; I started crying again. I noticed that even Katherine was dabbing her eyes. Ben, back behind the counter and. possibly thinking that no one was looking his way, was taking a swig from the flask of brandy everyone knew he kept around and wiping his nose on his sleeve.

 

Lisa's mom just hugged me and whispered in my ear, "Welcome to the family Cindy."

 

I hugged her tight. I managed to get out a "Thank You" in between gulping sobs.

 

Her dad gave me a quick hug. "We'll go home now. You girls let us know if you need anything."

 

Later, when mind was as close to normal as a 16-year-old girl's mind ever gets I realized that Lisa's parents had obviously figured out the truth long before Lisa told them and accepted that truth pretty well.

 

Ben intercepted us on the way back to the couch and gave me a big bear hug. "Dammit girl, you how easy it is to make us old queens cry." He handed Lisa a clean towel, the old one was totally gross, and we sat back down for me to resume my blubbering. I was finally able to relate what had happened at home to Lisa. She started to cry too. We were now a collective hot mess.

 

The bell on the door rang again. Lisa patted my leg and pointed at the door. It was my family. All of them, even Rob who must have driven like a bat out of Hell to get here from Rockford this fast. Cheri trailed in behind them, very much not wanting to intrude on a fraught family moment. Now it was my turn to stand up and pull Lisa up to her feet too. I straightened out my t-shirt and wiped my face off before taking Lisa by the hand and walking over to them. I decided to do exactly what Lisa had done.

 

"Mom, dad, Janet, Rob, this is my girlfriend Lisa and I love her." Then there was what felt like a long pause, just long enough of one that I was sure this was going to go horribly wrong and that I was going to puke on the damn floor right then and there.

 

I damn near fainted when it was Janet who broke the silence. She gave Lisa a big hug, grabbing her around the waist because she wasn't tall enough to reach higher. "Hi Lisa, I'm Janet, her horrible brat of a sister."

 

Rob hugged her with a pseudo-gruff, "Good to meet you for real this time kid. My little sister can take a while to do things, but you can almost always count on her to do the right thing, eventually." This was as close to gushing as Rob would ever get.

 

I looked at my mom. Mom looked at me. Then came the massive hug with both of us crying. I was apologizing for thinking that they could be capable of the awful things I had been thinking and she was apologizing for not seeing how much pain I was in for years.

 

She turned to Lisa, who was now crying too. "I am so glad to be properly introduced to you my dear girl. You are really wonderful, and I am glad you and Cindy are happy together."

 

Dad just hugged us both. He steadfastly refused to cry in front of all these people.

 

I gave Cheri a little wave and she gave me a thumbs up. That made me smile. I also noticed Lee's mom was there (how in the hell did all these people know what was going on?) and she gave me a little wave and a smile. I was pretty sure she had come to check and see if I was OK and if she needed to get the guest bedroom ready for me.

 

"You girls such wonderfully kind people. LeeLee's father and I will always remember how you were with LeeLee whenever she needed you. You are both very special girls." She hugged us both and I swallowed hard, determined not to start crying again. I'd done enough of that for one afternoon.

 

As they were leaving dad told us, "You girls stay here as long as you need to. We'll see you at home." Lisa and I waved, standing there hand in hand, watching the whole group leave. Once it was down to just us core group I turned to Lisa and gave her one of history's great kisses, one right out of Princess Bride, a kiss with lots of tongue and some serious ass grabbing as well.

 

Lisa took my face in both her hands, her electric blue eyes bright with tears. "Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo"

 

I recognized that from The Fellowship of the Ring, it was a quote Lisa particularly loved. It was Quenya, and it meant "A star shines upon the hour of our meeting."

 

"You beautiful, sexy nerd. I love you!" The kissing resumed. When we came up for air I could see tears on her cheek. All I could think of was the best love story I knew (The Princess Bride, duh!), I wiped away the tears with my thumb, my other hand on the back of her neck. "I told you I would always come for you."

 

Yeah, it was a scene worthy of the cheesiest of romantic comedy movies, at least movies with lesbians in them. We were engulfed in a group hug with our friends. There were more tears, but these were more dignified pretty-girl tears. I even saw Ben hand Katherine a napkin. This had been a scene that made a Klingon warrior-woman cry; it was that epic.

 

I wanted to fuck Lisa so bad in that moment but we both knew we needed to go home to deal with our new reality. We kissed some more, Rita and Gena feeling the need to cheer, and each drove home. I grabbed my duffel bag from the car and went inside. My mom almost started to cry again when she saw it; she knew that I had been prepared to leave and to not come back if that was how it had gone down. I went upstairs to the kitchen where my parents were waiting.

 

Dad took a deep breath. "You mother and I talked about a lot of things today. You're right, that church is not a good place and we will not be part of a place that says our daughter does not deserve love." I swallowed hard. I was not going to start crying dammit! "We know you and Lisa are sexually active (that sounded so clinical, but more dignified than `fuckling like wild women') and we know you have had sex together here in this house. We aren't going to tell you stop because we know you won't. However, she can't spend the night here on a school night or be here on Sunday morning. Your mother is firm on that one." That didn't surprise me, the church we had gone to was the same denomination she had grown up in, just allowing for the fact that her daughter was fucking another girl under her roof was a huge step. I nodded, determined not to fuck this up. "We expect you girls to be discreet in public, but I don't think that will be a problem since you have kept this under wraps so well for so long." Here he smiled a thin smile. "We won't pry into what you girls do in your bedrooms."

 

"Thank you both. I am so sorry I thought you could be that horrible, I was totally wrong about you both. I think for a while I may go to church with Lisa and her family." It's not that I was really religious as a teenager, but I guess I needed to feel like I was part of a community.

 

I took a deep breath and blurted out, "Lisa and I are going to go to the homecoming dance together next Saturday, I wanted you to know that."

 

Now mom perked up. "Do you have a dress?" I think my mom was looking for something she could grab onto to give her some stability. I had seriously messed with her world and she needed a lifeline.

 

So I told her about our alternative prom back in the spring. Mom set aside her hurt feeling about me not sharing something this important with her because the thought of me wearing a dress truly made her really happy. She was never pleased her oldest daughter was such a tomboy.

 

"What does it look like?" she asked. I went down to my bedroom and got the treasured photo of Lisa and I and brought it back to show her. Mom was stunned.

 

"You look wonderful in a dress Cynthia. You should do it more often."

 

"That's what Lisa told me too. I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

 

"Do you have a dress for Homecoming?"

 

"I asked Rita to modify that one a little. She's really good at sewing and (I swallowed hard here) she is insisting on helping me with makeup."

 

Mom actually clapped her hands. "I knew I liked that girl! Your father and I will insist on getting photos of you girls."

 

I smiled. The fact that I was doing "girl stuff", even if it was with another girl, made my mom so happy and after today we all needed some happiness.

 

And that, dear reader, is how I came out to my family. It was weird going forward with my parents knowing Lisa and I were having sex, though they had no idea how much and with how many other girls, but just having that the psychic weight of living a double life had been lifted from me was a wonderful feeling.

 

So, there it is. Our heroine's coming out story very much mirrors my own, except I had no huge emotional scene in a coffee shop and my parents were never ok with my girlfriend spending the night at our house. For some of you this might not have been easy to read. It wasn't that easy for me to write either, but there was a catharsis in telling the story, even in a fictionalized form. If someone tells you they are going to come out, be there for them like my friends were for me. It's important.

 

As always I love hearing from my readers (cattingcindy@yahoo.com) and please consider a donation to Nifty to keep the lights on (https://donate.nifty.org)