Date: Sat, 1 Apr 2000 10:48:39 EST From: DEANECHRIS@aol.com Subject: Being A Girl Sucks Being a Girl Sucks By Deane Christopher Copyright 2000 e-mail: DEANECHRIS@aol.com "Tell me something, imp!" "May I once again take a moment to remind you, mistress" the smug little Barbie Doll sized and blue skinned jinn evenly replied. "My name is Ackabubenlatu! Not imp! But, getting back to your original inquiry, the answer is yes. I'd be more than happy to tell you anything you want, oh mistress of mine!" "Shouldn't that be former mistress? After all, you did fulfilled my three wishes over a week ago." "Technically, you are correct, mistress. I have indeed dispensed with my mandated obligation to you." "Well, if that's the case, why - May I ask? - are you still hanging around? "I mean, do you take some sort of sadistic pleasure watching me deal with this god awful mell of a hess you forced upon me!" "I take a great deal of umbrage with that last remark of yours, mistress! "May I remind you once again, mistress they were not my wishes! Rather, they were yours!" "Yeah! Right! They were mine all right! But, you know as well as I do that I never - Ever! - wished to end up looking like this!" "That is true, mistress. I whole heartedly agree with you and I freely acknowledge the fact that you never came right out and wished for me to make you look like you do now." "So, why in Heaven's name did you do it? Why did you go and turn me into a girl?" "As I have told you before, mistress, in a round about manner of speaking, it was you yourself who requested it." "No, I didn't!" the beautiful blonde's retort resonated with a raw and ugly sense of vehemence. "Oh, yes you did, mistress!" Ackabubenlatu was adamant. "You wanted a body that the perky brunette who lives in 2C would sit up and take notice of and, though I was loath to do so, that's exactly the kind of body I gave you!" "Well, how was I to know that a sweet young thing like she appears to be just happens to be is a closet lesbian who has a thing for long legged blonde bombshells who are built like brick shithouses?" "That, as I have told you before, is not my problem." "I know! I know! Unfortunately, it's mine!" In an effort to console his former mistress, the far from heartless Ackabubenlatu proceed on to say, "Their, their, mistress. Once again, let me say that I am truly sorry for the way things have worked out. And, I urge you to try and look on the bright side of things." "You mean to tell me that there's a bright side to all of this?" "Yes, mistress. There most certainly is. "For starters, you are no longer the crotchety, cantankerous and cancer riddled old geezer who, I believe, was getting ready to celebrate his seventy fifty birthday in just a few short weeks from now." "True..." the blonde was forced to admit the truth of the jinn's assertion. "And, you are in perfect health and, thanks to some of the perks I included in that onboard accessory package I've set you up with, you will remain not only healthy, but incredible beautiful for years and years to come." "Well, I must admit: that is something to consider..." "Plus, owing to that second wish of yours - And, I might add: a very good wish it was! - you will never want for anything. Financially, I arranged it so that you are set for life. In other words my dear, monetarily, I've got you covered six ways from Sunday! In fact, you could go out on almost a daily bases and purchase a substantial residence, a several top of the line vehicles and a moderately sized ocean going yacht and still not touch the principle of the funds and various other resources I have seen fit to provide you with." "Alright, already! I'll grant you the fact that you done good! Y'know, with that second wish of mine! "And, I appreciate it! I really do! Trouble is: once you processed that third wish of mine, you went and turned me into a rich bitch if ever there was one!" "You mustn't forget to include young and pretty in any self assessment of the new you!" "How in the world could I could I ever overlook these new attributes of mine? "I mean, given this snazzy and extremely sexy new body that you've fitted me out with, there's no way in hell that I'll ever be able to forget the fact that I'm a member in good standing of the opposite sex now! "And let me tell you something! Being a girl sucks! Y'know, as in it sucks the big one!" "It does, does it?" "Yes!" the blonde barked emphatically. "It most certainly does!" "Well, let me let you in on a little secret, my dear. If you think that your being a girl sucks now, just wait until tonight!" "And what - May I ask? - is going to happen tonight?" "Didn't I tell you?" "No, Ackkie! You most certainly did not!" "Then, maybe I ought take care of that little oversight of mine right now." "Yeah! Maybe you should!" "Well, tonight, as soon as it gets dark, your addiction is slatted to kick in." "What addiction? Just what in the hell are you talking about, Ackkie!" "What I am taking about, mistress, is your addiction to semen." "That's absurd! Who ever heard of anybody being addicted to semen!" "Nobody." Ackabubenlatu freely admitted. "That is: nobody till now." "That's ridiculous, Ackkie! Absolutely ridiculous! "I mean, to my way of thinking, there's a gapping flaw in this semen addiction business of yours that you could drive one of those monster trucks through! May I remind you! You may have changed me into a girl, but the girl you changed me into still happens to be sexually attracted to other girls! "I mean, you're not trying to tell me that you've gone and dickered around with my sexual orientation are you?" "No, mistress. I certainly am not suggesting that at all." "That's to say that I'm a lesbian and will remain a lesbian, right?" "That is correct, mistress. I have not, nor do I have any intentions of making any sort of alterations in your present sexual orientation. "Point of fact, mistress: for me to do something of that nature would require another wish on your part. Unfortunately, you have used your allotted wishes. "Well, if that's the case and, if I am, as you have said, about to become addicted to semen, just how - Pray tell! - am I supposed to go about acquiring it? "I mean, I've never heard of an open-air drug market that specializes in semen!" "Well, of course you haven't, my dear. "However, mistress, I've been magnanimous enough to provide you with all the necessary resources for you to acquire all the semen you'll ever need or want. And, if you don't believe me, my dear, just go find yourself a mirror and take a good long look at yourself." "Noooooo...." The shapely blonde shrieked in unbridled protest. "You're not suggesting that I do something as disgusting and distasteful as that? "Well, though I know that it is nothing more than a matter of semantics, I can personally guarantee that you will find the net results of the act to be extremely tasteful and very much to your liking. Though, I will grant you that the means of how you go about acquiring your daily semen fix will be a most distressing and thoroughly humiliating act for you to participate in," Enraged and ready to bust a gut, the beautiful blonde launched into a tirade, as she bombastically exclaimed, "You little blue hued bastard! You! You! You! You turned me into a cocksucker! "Technically, were we splitting hairs here, I have to say that I did no such thing. "However, since you are going to have to, shall we say, prime the pump, so to speak, then I think it is fair to say that you are quite correct in your assertion. Come this evening, you, my dear, are going to find that, when it comes to the man pleasing art of fellatio, you have no recourse but to do the dreaded deed in order to appease that rather novel and nifty addiction that I have more or less saddled you with." "Why?" the blonde harshly demanded. "Why in the world would you want to do something like that to me?" "Well, for starters, I could say that it is in a jinn's nature to be a prankster. "But, before you go off half-cocked - And please, pardon the pun, mistress! - the only reason I gave you that pesky semen addiction is so that you might become the best woman that you can possible become." "Yeah! Right! In a pig's eye you did!" "Think about it, mistress! Be honest! As a man, didn't you really enjoy it when a woman went down on you?" "Yes! Yes, I did! But, this is different!" "How is it different?" "I don't know!" the blonde replied in an irate huff. "But, it just is! " "I have no intentions of debating this business with you, mistress. But, I will give you something to think about. "To paraphrase something I once heard George Carlin point out in one of his comedy routines, it is both his and my own contention that people have been using the term cocksucker as a pejorative to denote a bad man. When all the while, they should have been using the term cocksucker as an honorarium, to proclaim and pay tribute to a truly great, giving and selfless woman. "And, though you might fight me tooth and nail to try and stop me from achieving the lofty goal I have set for myself, I would feel remise in my duties as a jinn were I not to make a great, giving and selfless woman out of you!" "Thanks a heap!" the blonde returned forlornly. "Don't mentioned it." "Have no fear of that, imp! 'Cause you can beat that little blue ass of yours that I won't!" "May I once again take a moment to remind you, mistress, my name is Ackabubenlatu! Not Ackkie! And, certainly not imp!" "So, I take it you don't like it when I call you, imp?" "No, mistress, I don't like it in the least little bit!" "Good! I'm glad to hear that! And, since it's a given that I'm not going to like being referred to as a cocksucker any more than you like being called an imp, how 'bout we call it even steven and leave it at that!" "Sounds good to me! Besides, sticks and stones may break my bones, but you, my dear, are going to spend the rest of your life down on those lovely new knees of yours energetically sucking cocks..."