Date: Wed, 22 Feb 2023 01:26:35 -0800 From: Scott Holman Subject: XYX The minister for Primitive Life Forms received a message from the Prime Minister, requesting their attention on a matter of some urgency. The PLF minister responded quickly, a tinge of enquiry to the response. The PM was very brief: "Several members have been complaining that they are being injured by the energy coming from one of your planets. I believe it is the one the inhabitants call `Dirt`. No, wait a moment, maybe they call it `Soil`? Anyway, the information is here." The PLF minister received the image of a solar system much like any other, but the designation information told the minister that the planet involved was the one the inhabitants called `Earth'. "These persons are familiar with the problem, and will support you in finding a solution." The identities of three upper level Secretaries appeared in the consciousness of the PLF minister. The PLF minister soon learned that the problems had begun about 9,000 orbits of `Earth' around its sun in the past, but were not considered serious at first. However, the damage had steadily increased, and a larger span of space was being affected all the time. The planet had one predominant life form, which existed in two genders. About the time the problems began, the role of primary food provider had switched from one gender to the other. Close observation of this life form had not been required, so very little was known about the culture of this life form prior to the awareness of a problem. Observation over the last 100 orbits revealed that the problems were the result of the way the `males' were treating the `females'. Fear, anger, and hatred were common on this planet, a toxic mix which was spreading out to the stars. Several members were advocating that the PLF on this planet be exterminated immediately, due to the damage the energies were causing. The PLF minister sought alternate solutions, asking a number of researchers what they thought could be done in a short period of time. Very few options were offered, as the problem would take quite a while to correct. There was a way to stop the treatment that was causing the distress, but it was a radical solution, and would require considerable effort to accomplish. 2 She was sitting facing me, our knees interweaving to bring us closer. She was leaning towards me, holding my hands and gazing into my eyes, and I could feel the breath of her words on my lips. But I heard her in my mind, a compelling, beautiful voice. The words sink into my body, going hither and yon, somehow causing my body to react, respond with words not of my making. My body danced to her words, flowing and shifting. She was intent on my well-being, while directing me to change myself. Then she kissed my forehead, releasing my hands, and floating away. I felt sorrow at her parting, but I was sure that she would return, bringing that wonderful feeling with her. The feelings of belonging, of being needed, of confidence in myself, of warmth and fulfillment still enveloped me, even though the one who had brought them to me had left. My focus was outward, I had no concern for myself, and I felt an energy which compelled to move and explore. Somehow, I could sense that there were other people near by, but I did not see them, or hear anyone. Soon, I was walking along a river, listening to the water rushing over the rocks, feeling the warmth of the sun, as a gentle breeze moves the leaves on the trees nearby. Somewhere downstream I know that I will meet the woman again, and I walk that way with confidence. Sleep still fogged my brain as I stood in front of the toilet, the dream I had been enjoying still in the forefront of my mind, and I didn't notice anything different as I started to piss. Then I noticed something different; piss was running down my leg, instead of splashing in the toilet! Looking down, I yelled, because I didn't recognize my dick! It looked strange, like a worm, instead of the sculpted tip I was used to, and nothing was coming out of it! Losing my balance, I fell forward, catching myself on the toilet rim. Piss was spraying all over my legs, the floor, my feet, everywhere but the toilet. Then it stopped. Grabbing a washcloth, I cleaned myself up. After I was done, I found the hand mirror in the drawer and looked at my crotch. My scrotum was pulled up tight against me, with a grove running up and down. Near the top of the grove was an opening, very small, right at the base of my penis. And my penis was shorter, much shorter, I realized. Also, there was no opening in the tip anymore! Looking at my scrotum again, I suddenly felt for my balls. I couldn't find my balls! Blackness overwhelmed me, and I barely remember crumpling to the floor. Fortunately, I had not hit my head or hurt myself in my fall, and I woke up in just a few moments. "What the..." I mumbled, crawling to my feet. Picking up the hand mirror where it had fallen, I examined my genitals again. Pressing as hard as I could on my scrotum, I could find no trace of my testicles, but I could feel some kind of depression under my scrotum. My penis was now uncircumcised, and about half as long as I remembered it. Touching it I felt that it was denser than I remembered, as if it were erect, and full of blood, but there was no stiffness. Physically, I felt fine, although I suddenly realized I wanted to take a dump in the worst way. Putting down the toilet seat, I sat down and commenced to get rid of a bunch of mass, so much so that I had to flush the toilet twice. That left me feeling a bit light headed, and I just sat there for a few moments. Without thinking about it, I started to piss, and felt it coming out of my body without going through my penis. After what felt like a liter of urine came out of me, I grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned myself up again. Then I realized that I had just made a huge dump, and used more toilet paper. By the time I staggered off of the toilet, I had been in the bathroom for nearly an hour. And I still needed to clean up the floor! "I'll do it later," I thought to myself, staggering back to bed. All I felt like doing was sleeping. Pulling the covers up to my chin, I snuggled down. For some reason, I did not think about calling the doctor, or going to the clinic, I just wanted to sleep some more. And I did. About three more hours, during which time I had several very vivid dreams. They were so powerful that I completely forgot about what had happened earlier, and I felt very good as awareness returned. When I finally woke up, I felt like I needed to piss again. Pulling the covers back, I swung my legs off the bed, then lost my balance as I neared the vertical. My center of gravity was off, or my legs were shorter, or something, because I felt really weird. Clambering back to my feet, I grabbed the bed for support, and worked my way across the room to the bathroom. The smell reminded me of earlier, so I sat down on the toilet and tried to remember how to piss. I held my dick like I normally do when pissing sitting on the toilet, so that I can direct the stream into the bowl. But nothing was coming out. When I stopped thinking about it, I felt release, finally, as well as surprise, because the urine wasn`t coming out of my dick! I felt groggy, yet was still able to think about going to the clinic because of what I had seen earlier. Getting dressed probably took me about half an hour, as I would hold a garment in front of me for several minutes while thinking about what I was going to tell the doctors. Finally snapping out of it when I had finished dressing, my bladder told me that I needed to piss again. Then, remembering earlier, I undid my pants and pulled down my underwear and sat on the toilet. This time, I seemed able to piss without any strain, even though the urine was not coming out of my dick. After that, I grabbed my backpack and locked the door. Getting to the bus stop required no upper level brain functions, and then I was getting on the bus. Staying alert was difficult, and I was not aware that the clinic was coming up until we were passing it. Missing my stop, I had to get off a few blocks away, and walk back. The walk did me good, as it cleared my head somewhat, which made me aware that I needed to use a restroom again. Once I got to the front desk of the clinic, I had to explain that I needed to see someone. When they asked me what the problem was, I just said it was personal. They told me to wait, and I sat down in the waiting area. Of course, without making an appointment there was no way I was going to get to see my regular doctor, but her nurse came out after a few minutes, and asked me to come back to an examination room. We stopped at the scales for weigh in, and he had me step off the scales and then back on, twice, because I was nearly 5 kilograms lighter than I had been the last time I was in. After we got to a room, he asked me if I had changed my diet or something to account for the weight loss. "No, I am going through some kind of change, and I keep having to go to the bathroom. But that is not the main problem. My penis is different." Explaining to him what had happened was hard, so I ended up just showing him, at which point he said that he would be right back, and left the room. When he returned, he brought two doctors I was not familiar with who came in to examine me. They had me lie down on the examination table, and I feel asleep. They kept waking me up asking me questions, but I was really drowsy, and I guess I just became unresponsive. 3 Gradually, I realized that I could not move my arms and legs, that I was tied up, restrained. I was tugging and pulling, heaving and bucking, trying to get free, then I slowly settled down, resigned to whatever would happen. Lying back, I became aware of my body, of tubes going in and out, and somehow I felt wrong, like I didn't take up enough room, or I was really light, or something. I was trying to figure out what was going on when someone said, "Can you hear me? Are you awake?" Opening my eyes, I saw a couple of people standing at the foot of the bed, looking like doctors. "Ah, you are awake," one of them said. "I am Doctor Ellis, and this is Doctor Nakasone," the other one nodded, "we have been taking care of you for the last few days. We have had you on sedation, but we stopped that a while ago, and you should be feeling more alert now. Can you talk? If not, blink twice." "Rrgghh nnd blarg!" I said, then blinked twice. "You will be okay in a little while. Let me explain what is going on. You came in about 8 days ago, unresponsive, and experiencing some unusual changes. We still don't know what to make of what has happened to you, but you seem to have stabilized, at least since the day before yesterday there have been no more changes, and you have not been having any seizures for several days now. Seizures? Changes? I looked at the doctors blankly, drooling slightly. "Yes, your chromosomes have been going though some changes, which are affecting your body in ways we have never seen before." Dr. Nakasone said. "You had normal male genes, XY, when you came in, but soon after they began to change into the sequence XYX. Your body began to mutate into that of a female, with your genitals becoming completely feminized. Your hips are getting wider, and your facial features are also changing. We have no idea what is causing this, nor how to reverse it." Dr. Ellis then spoke, "You began having seizures the day after you came in, thrashing about, yelling and screaming, and we had to restrain you. We were afraid to give you any sedatives, but we finally did, although it took a lot to calm you down. We have been reducing the dosage, to see if you were going to continue to have episodes, but none have happened in the last two days. "We are hoping that we can remove the restraints and let you get out of bed, but if you start getting violent again we will have to restrain you. Blink twice if you understand me." Blink. Blink. "The sedative should be wearing off, which will make talking easier. Are you in any pain? Blink once for yes, twice for no." Blink. Blink. Accompanied by, "Nnyngth" Instantly, it seemed, I was able to move my arms, and my legs, although I didn't feel like getting out of bed. Moving was still a bit of a cartoon experience, so I just let my hands roam around my body. But I couldn't feel anything where my dick used to be, and I didn't want to explore any more. I felt fine, except that my chest was starting to feel congested, swollen. Gradually, the realization that I was not alone penetrated my mind, and I stopped feeling myself. Focusing was still an effort, and I just tried to smile at the person who was sitting in the corner. He said, "Just pretend I am not here. We don't want you to be alone even for a little bit as the sedatives wear off." "Mmmn." Closing my eyes, I thought to myself, `what the hell is going on?' Drifting off was easy, and I was in and out for a while. Finally, I felt like I was able to talk intelligibly, "Can I get something to eat, please" "Yes, just push the button by your side there for the nurse." My companion was not leaving his corner, apparently. I looked down, and found the call button. Picking it up eluded me for a moment, but I was able to do so, and pressed the button. A few moments later, a young nurse came in, and asked "What do you need?" "I don't know how you have been feeding me, but I am really hungry. Can I get something to eat, please?" They smiled and said, "Of course. I'll have someone bring you a selection in just a few moments." Fortunately, that person brought a bib, too, as I was a very sloppy eater. My hands just didn't go where I wanted them to, sometimes, which was very frustrating. After I ate, the doctors returned. Dr. Ellis and Dr. Nakasone examined me, asking me questions about my life. They already knew a lot about me, which surprised me. "We are trying to identify any agents that might have caused this change, so we have been investigating your life. We know where you work, where you live, but we don't have much more than that. So, have you traveled outside of the U.S. recently?" I replied in the negative, as I did to most of the questions that followed. We could not come up with anything that might explain what was happening. As we talked, I got more and more alert, and I could tell that the sedatives were almost out of my system. "How soon can I get out of bed? I feel like walking around, or something." "We want to give you a little more time to recover, we don't want you to fall or anything. Probably tomorrow you can get up." "Well, can I listen to music, or something, please?" I was getting upset, and I wanted to zone out so that I could process all that was going on. TV is too distracting, but there were too many noises to be able to really relax. Finally, they chased down a media player, and I was able to put in some earbuds and get away from everything for a while. When I woke up, I was alone, and I took the opportunity to examine myself a little more. Seeing my empty crotch was a shock, and I lay back, thinking `What the hell is going on? Am I really turning into a female?' A few moments later, a nurse walked in. She said, "We have been waiting for you to wake up so that we can take your vital signs. I won't be but a moment." "The doctors are really stymied by you, you should know. Also, they want you to talk to another doctor, if you are up to it?" I realized I had no idea what time it was, so I just said, "Okay." She left, and a few moments later, a woman came in who introduced herself as Dorothy Hopkins, counselor. She asked me "Can I talk to you about what you are feeling right now? I am very concerned that you might be feeling things that are very destructive to mental health." Looking at her in amazement, I said "You think? I am freaking out inside, yet I don't have the desire to flail around or yell and scream, although I think that I should have. All I can focus on is that this is not my body. But it is, I feel with these fingers, I feel when they touch my skin, but I don't want to touch myself, because I feel different! Part of me just wants to pretend nothing is happening, that this is all a nightmare. Part of me is really mad, because I can't understand why this has happened to me. Am I some kind of experiment? Did I make someone mad enough to turn me into a woman?" I was crying by now, and clenching my hands in my lap, curled up in a ball. I felt a gentle touch, and heard Dorothy say "I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling right now, but I want you to know that you are not going to face this alone. I have been assigned to be with you every day, for as long as you need me. You are my only patient right now, so I have lots of time to be here with you. Now, I have to ask, have you ever wanted to be female?" Stiffening somewhat, I said, "No, why would you ask me that? Do you think that I developed some way of changing my sex?" "No, no, that is not what I am trying say. I just was wondering if you have paid much attention to how women act, the way that they get along with other people, that sort of thing. Because how you feel about women is going to be very important to how you feel about yourself." She was gently rubbing my back, then she put her arm around me and held me while I sobbed. "I have always thought that women were kind of weak, that they didn't handle stress very well. My father was mean to my mother, putting her down, running around with other women, and she just seemed to take it, to not stand up for herself." I looked up, held out my hands, "I don't want to be a female!" Dorothy held me, saying nothing, until I fell asleep. 4 Sleep brought intoxicating dreams, where I felt very good about my self, confident, relaxed. I was talking with people, looking them in the eye, touching them, they were touching me, and it felt good, it felt right. I was surprised when I realized that I was a woman, but suddenly that was okay, it did not make me upset. I went back to talking, more focused on that then on my being female. "I am female," I thought, as I woke up. I felt very good, physically, like I was relaxed, and my mind was not racing in circles. "I am female," I repeated to myself, "And that is alright. I think? Why do I feel different about this than I did yesterday?" I had vague memories of a dream, but I couldn't pin down what the dream had to do with my feelings about being female. Then I realized that I was more aware of my body than I had been before. My chest felt strange, and I could feel the tube going into me between my legs. I also could feel hair brushing against my neck, which surprised me, as my hair had been short when I went to the clinic. After breakfast, Doctors Ellis and Nakasone came to visit me, and examine me, and talk to me. Dr. Ellis looked at me and said, "You seem a little more relaxed today. Did Dorothy help you some yesterday?" "Yes, I think she did. For some reason, I am more accepting of what has happened, and I feel better about the future. Although I still don't know what the future holds for me. Can you tell me some of it?" Both doctors hesitated, looking at each other. Dr. Ellis said, "We really don't know what is going to happen. We are going to keep you here for a few more days to make sure that you are okay to be released. Your body is still undergoing changes, and we want to observe them." "What kind of changes?" I asked them. "Your internal organs are still developing, your skeleton is still changing, and you are having big swings in your blood chemistry and hormone levels. Why you are not in pain is mystifying, but we are thankful for it." Dr. Nakasone replied. "We are still trying to understand how these things can be happening. We have been anxious to talk with you, to get more information about you. We have researched as much as we could about you, but your perceptions are unknown to us." "Do you know why I am feeling these surges, or waves, of energy?" Both of them looked at me. "It tingles, or tickles, all over sometimes, sometimes just in one place. It is hardly noticeable most of the time, but once in a while it gets really intense." "We have wanted to get EEG readings, but the equipment has not been available." Dr. Nakasone was typing something on a tablet, as he spoke. "We are also looking into some new kinds of scanners that will allow us to monitor things without having to keep you in bed. Can you let us know when you start to feel one of these episodes?" "Yes, I suppose so." I looked at them, and said, "What about my job? My apartment?" "Didn't Dorothy talk to you about that yesterday?" Dr. Ellis inquired. "No, I was too upset, I guess. Will she be here today? I would like to see her again." "Of course. She is waiting for us to finish, she is right outside. I guess that we are done for now." Dr. Ellis looked at Dr. Nakasone, and he nodded. The left the room together, and Dorothy came in. "Hi! How are you doing today?" Dorothy grasped my hand as she stepped next to the bed. "Better, I think." I smiled, and hugged her. "Thank you for yesterday. It really helped." "I don't know how, I didn't do anything." "You were here, that was enough. And you are here again, which helps, too." Dorothy stayed with me while the catheter was removed, and the IV. Then, a wheelchair was brought in, and a nurse helped to transfer me into it. Dorothy then wheeled me out of the room and down a corridor to a room with a window. "I thought that you might like to see the sky for a little while." She parked the wheelchair, then sat in a chair next to it. Reaching over, she clasped my hand. "You seem to be a bit less stressed out today. That is good to see." We talked for a while, then she took me back to the room for me to have lunch and get my vital signs checked. They drew blood as well, but I didn't have to get stuck, as they had some kind of IV that they could tap to get blood. 5 Light years away, the Minister of Primitive Life Forms absorbed the report regarding the problem on the planet Earth. The current test subject was progressing well, for a change, and did not appear to be in danger of dying. This was a first, as every subject previously had died at some point. The data was being used to prepare for the next transformation. More effort was being exerted to create a sustainable method of inducing the change. Over 50 different worlds were involved in the research program, which had the highest priority. Linkages with the planet Earth were being formed constantly, as the Primitive Life Forms were studied. Observations were relayed to groups all over the sector, as well as up to the Keepers Of Records. Learning how to effect changes in organisms light years away required study and practice, but was being mastered. This was becoming the biggest project the administrators had undertaken in several turnings of the galaxy. 6 Dorothy said to me, "There is someone who is going to help you to learn about the body that you have now. She will be here in just a moment." Shortly after that, a women pushing a cart came into the room and introduced herself while setting several things on the table. "Hi. I am Lucinda Thomas, and I help women to understand their bodies. I am here to explain and show you the genitals you have now." She smiled, but did not offer me her hand. "I understand that you were male a short time ago. Is that correct?" I blushed and looked down. "Yes, they don't know why this has happened to me." "Well, I can't speak to that, but I can show you what you are like now, so that you can better understand what you are feeling from your body. Now, I want to start off by explaining that everyone starts out female, in that the fetus will develop as a female unless there is a certain hormone present at the right time. For the first few weeks, we are all female. So our sex organs develop out of the same tissues. Are you with me so far?" I nodded my head yes. "Good. Now this model shows the female genitals, which are mostly inside the body. Male genitals are almost entirely outside the body. The testicles are created out of the same tissues that form the ovaries. The only part of female genitals which are on the outside are the outer labia, or labia majora, which means greater, or larger. They form from the tissues which make up the scrotum, or ball sack, in a male. The inner lips, or labia minora, as well as the vagina are formed from the same tissues that make up the penis. So your penis is inside of you now, it didn't fall off or anything." Lucinda was smiling as she said that, and I shook my head. "Okay, lame joke, but the gist of it is that your vagina is made up of the tissues that formed your penis. Inside of you, you now have a uterus, which formed from the tissues of the prostate. The cervix forms between the uterus and the vagina, probably from the prostate tissues as well. So you haven't really lost anything, it has just been rearranged." "I guess that is one way to look at it, but I sure feel like I have lost something." Lucinda sighed. "Yes, I guess that that is a natural reaction. Now, you are going to experience something which will not feel natural, not this moment, but sometime in the future. What I am talking about is lubrication. When the female body gets aroused, it secretes lubricant, a form of sweat, in the vagina. This will cause sensations which you will probably equate with wetness, like you lost control of your bladder. This is totally natural, and not anything to feel shame over. This is the way the female body prepares to accept the male sex organ." I held up my hand. "Wait a moment, you have not said anything about the clitoris, which, I have always been told, is very important." Lucinda grinned, "Yes, it is and I was going to talk about that in regards to getting aroused. The clitoris is often likened to the penis, but that is not a very accurate description. The clitoris does swell slightly when you are aroused, but nothing like how the penis swells. However, the clitoris does not have as many nerve endings as the penis does, even though it is extremely sensitive. "Women have more places that can get them aroused than men do, partly because so many nerves are concentrated in the penis. Men have reported the sensation that their entire body was inside of the women during intercourse. This is a result of nerves from all over the body being in the penis. A women's nipples are also extremely sensitive in terms of arousal, and some women report being able to orgasm just from having their nipples stimulated. "That is outside the scope of this discussion, although it does illustrate the point, so I return to the genitals. The clitoris lies here, near the top of the labia minora. Just below it is the opening of the urethra, which is just above the vagina. It is very important to keep the urethra clean, as urinary tract infections can be extremely painful, as well as dangerous." Lucinda spent a couple of hours with me, explaining what I could expect, the things I needed to do, and things to avoid. After she left, two nurses put me back into bed. When I was alone I lay back and spread my legs. Carefully, I reached down and began to touch myself. Although I was curious, I did not put my fingers inside myself. I am not sure why. Then, I laid there, curled up in a fetal position while I thought about things. I had no idea when I might get out of this hospital, or what I would do when I did. I drifted off, and when I woke up, needed to urinate again, so I pressed the call b4utton. A nurse was with me in seconds, which told me that I was a very important patient. When I said that I needed to use the restroom, she told me to wait just a moment, while she got some more help. I still was not sure who made me more uncomfortable, the male nurses or the female ones. It was common knowledge that I had once been male, and I felt embarrassed around the males, and ashamed for some reason around the women. But, gradually I got over that, and became more comfortable with myself. I could see my chest changing, my nipples getting darker, the areola of each breast growing. My chest felt congested, thick, yet very sensitive. Somehow, it seemed as though my genitals were attached to my chest, and sensations I had always associated with an erection now were centering on my chest every once in a while. Getting wet was freaky, because I kept thinking that I had wet my pants. When I was really aroused, I practically gushed lubricant down my legs, and I felt gross. My nipples would erect to very hard points, which would show through even a sweatshirt. When I first began to get horny, I didn't understand what I was feeling. I kept thinking of an emptiness, a place somewhere besides my body, that needed to be filled. It took a while before I realized what I was feeling, and then there was a period of revulsion over that, too. The desire to be penetrated, to have something inside of me, combined with the wetness of lubrication weirded me out for a while. My therapist tried to get me to understand that most women grew up with the desire to envaginate things, and that feeling moisture in their crotch was the same for them as feeling my penis shift and change size had been for me. Also, I was very aware when my nipples would erect, even a little, which I was told I would get used to, just as all girls did growing up. Because of all these new sensations, sometimes I just wanted to lie in bed and not move. Every night, I had dreams which were very positive in nature. I would be at work, or at the store, or on the bus, and people would smile at me, say nice things to me, help me do things, or in some other way provide me with affirmation. People talked about how I was female and did not act judgmental or nasty in my dreams, and I dreamt of doing activities that I was used to, like riding my bicycle, or hiking, or swimming, and hardly thinking about the fact that I was female. These dreams went a long way toward helping me cope with what had happened, and yet I never thought of mentioning them to my therapist. 7 Then I was released, into house arrest. "What do you mean, I will be monitored 24/7? Are you going to have someone sitting in the room with me all the time?" I was pretty upset, after having no privacy for nearly 2 months. The woman, who identified herself as Janis Schroeder, (no title, agency, or anything else,) said, "No, we can't afford that. We are installing surveillance equipment at the moment, but it won't be monitored constantly. We just want a video record if anything happens. We will be checking in with you frequently, so that we can tell if something has happened." "Oh", I said, somewhat mortified. "Will I still have access to counseling, and help with being female?" "Yes, for the time being, at least. Funding for this project is being sourced from various agencies, the mix of which is constantly changing. I can not give you any promises, but I assure you that we are aware of your unique needs." Reassured, I began the process of acquiring clothing for a woman, as the clothes I had arrived in no longer fit me and I had been wearing scrubs. My measurements were taken frequently, so ordering online was no problem, apart from the fact that I had no clue what to order. Looking feminine was uncomfortable for me, yet I was encouraged to not look masculine. Most of the clothes that I looked at seemed to emphasize the female figure, whereas I wanted a muumuu or some other tent-like apparel. Looking like a woman meant interacting with men as a woman, which terrified me, because I was pretty sure I remembered how men thought. Because I was aware that I thought differently now, in ways which were hard for me to identify at first. But when I thought about being male, I felt a shift in my thinking, which I found uncomfortable. My awareness of my emotions was increased, even though I did not feel more strongly than I had before. I looked at pictures, and watched videos about fashion, and just got more and more confused. What crazy, convoluted world had I fallen into? There was no such thing as small, medium, or large, it seemed, sizes were numbers, which supposedly described the person's body with one or two digits. Pants for women are not like pants for men, and women's shirts are not called shirts. No one could explain to me why there is such a difference in how men and women's clothing is designed and made. For instance, the buttons on women's clothing are on the opposite side of the blouse. Zippers are never in the front, and there are no real pockets!(?) Anyway, I finally was able to return to my apartment, which was a shambles. It looked like it had been tossed, drawers open, stuff strewn on the floor, dead plants, and a musty smell. I looked around for the cameras, and didn't notice them. Walking into my bedroom, my bed was covered with stuff, from the bathroom, the dresser, the closet, "Ahhh!!!" I screamed, and threw everything off the bed, then fell down on it, crying. "Why did this have to happen to me? What is wrong with me? What am I going to do?" When I woke up, it was dark outside, and the lights were off in my bedroom. The door was closed, but I could see light coming under it. Sitting up slowly, I wiped my hand across my face, then I got to my feet. I walked to the bathroom, then turned on the light, looking away until my eyes adjusted. Sitting down to piss was normal for me by now, but doing it in my own apartment reminded me of the morning I first experienced the changes. That seemed like so long ago, but it had only been a few weeks. Looking at the roll of toilet paper, I thought that I had better make sure I had more, as I used a lot more than I used to. Walking out into the front room, I discovered that there were two people sitting there. One was Doctor Ellis, and the other was Janis Schroeder. "Have you been waiting for me the whole time?" I asked, shocked. Dr. Ellis said "No, I haven't, but Janis has. We didn't want you to be alone, but we felt that you needed some time to your self, so we compromised. Janis has been out here reading and watching videos. I got here about an hour ago, and we have been talking." Looking around, I said, "You have been doing more than talking, thank you for picking the place up. It looks much better than it did when I walked in." Janis smiled, said "I felt bad about how the investigators left the place. I don't know who they were, but they didn't have any regard for your space. I will see about getting you some new plants, and some new food stuffs. I threw almost everything in the kitchen out, except the canned goods." Stopping and leaning against the wall, I said, "Thank you. I appreciate all your help. I have no idea what is here to eat, but I am hungry. I know I can't go out right now, so I guess I will have to get delivery. Would either of you like to join me for dinner?" 8 The Minister of Primitive Life Forms examined the report. Apparently, the test subject on this attempt had survived the transformation, although the process had been difficult and painful. The subject was recovering, and the data gathered was being studied to find ways to speed up the transformation while reducing the discomfort. Another test was scheduled soon, and more as the technique was perfected. Still, it was too early to claim a solution had been found. This meant that pacifying the calls for eradicating this species would have to continue. The minister was very concerned, because rumors of some group of systems getting ready to take action on their own had surfaced. The Ministry did not have the resources to protect Earth if a vigilante group decided to take matters into their own appendages. The doctors assured me that they thought it very unlikely that I would revert back to male, although they could not explain why I had morphed into a female. They were still analyzing my blood and tissue samples, but they could not identify any agent which would have caused my transformation. My apartment had been taken apart, every substance analyzed, my work station was confiscated, and everyone who dealt with me at work was interviewed, required to provide blood samples, and put under a watch. For me, it seemed like years while I coped with suddenly being female. No one who interacted with me or observed me for any time would call me a woman, because I did not move, act, talk, or emote like a woman. No one had ever called me macho before the change, and I knew that I was not a very masculine person, so I had gone out of my way to avoid acting feminine. Now, suddenly, everyone who knew about the change was urging me to be more feminine, to act like a real woman so that my story would not get out. Moving was a constant learning experience, and I was very clumsy for a while. My center of gravity was different, my hips and pelvic area much more substantial than they had been before. My hips were farther apart then I was used to, which affected the way I walked. Gradually, I learned my body anew, while it continued to change rapidly. As my breasts grew, I became more aware of them, which was distracting. Looking down and seeing boobs was a surprise over and over again, and I often just stared at my chest for minutes at a time. Playing with my boobs was a difficult activity to avoid, and I caught myself coping a feel whenever I thought I could get away with it unseen. My nipples had become very sensitive, and when they were stimulated, it seemed to spread to my abdomen quickly. A feeling like I was getting an erection would sweep over my pelvis, coupled with a warmth which would turn to moisture in a few moments, if I kept playing. This scared me away for a while, as I did not want to acknowledge that I could feel good in this body. Still, I found myself uncertain of how to act. Then someone pointed out that if I tried to act a certain way, I would come across as someone acting instead of being themselves. But just being myself felt strange when I was not sure of who I was. Constantly, I was reminded that I was no longer male, as the physical sensations of my breasts jiggling, or my vagina getting wet distracted me from what I was thinking about or trying to express. Gradually, I was accepting that I was female, and would be for the rest of my life, when word came in that a man in Latvia had experienced the same initial changes as I had, and he was in isolation at the moment. Some of the focus on me went away, as the scientists were now looking for environmental factors rather than genetics. My change had not been publicly announced, although doctors all over the world had been asked to look for any signs of physical mutation. The team taking care of me got in touch with the team handling the person in Latvia, and discovered that there were several differences. For one thing, there had been no seizures or violent thrashing about as I had experienced. Another was the patient was acting like they were on tranquilizers, very quiet and subdued. Their physical changes seemed to have happened faster than mine, as they were completely transformed in only 32 hours. Then we heard that the patient had recovered their mental capacities, and was very upbeat and cheerful. They seemed to accept their transformation without any reservations. A month later, there was news of another transformation, this one in Japan. In this case, the person never became unconscious, and was completely genetically changed in about 18 hours. There was no trauma, no excitement, just a rapid change. My doctors were completely at a loss to explain what was going on, and some people who were aware of the transformations were starting to act very upset. Over the following months, nearly 90 men transformed into women, with no discernable cause or pattern. Then, the first wave occurred, with several million men beginning the process, in groups of 5 or 10, spread out around the world. 9 As knowledge of transformations spread, it was decided that my case would be declassified, so I could go back to work. My family and friends, coworkers, and neighbors who had been told I was suffering from a contagious disease were told the truth, such as it was. "Kevin was one of the early transformees, and it was decided to isolate him." was about as much as the government said. But I was free to live my life again. My parents were really confused, my father not believing anything I said for a while. Eventually he realized that I knew too much about male me's life to be some imposter, and when he did, he cried for me. He thought that I had suffered a terrible degradation, even though he would not say so to my face. My mom was more understanding, although she thought that I should have received the knowledge needed to be a woman automatically when I was transformed. She had problems accepting that I really didn't know how a woman would do such and such, and that I wasn't repulsed by the idea of sitting with my legs open. My brother wouldn't talk to me. He would not acknowledge I existed, and refused to even say my male name. Finally, I gave up on trying to bridge the gap between us, and just let him go his way. One uncle on my dad's side was very open with me, accepted me totally, and kept me up to date on what my brother was saying about me. Both of my sisters were supportive, although I didn't get to spend much time with them. Melissa is married and has two children, while Samantha is living in Alaska right now. I found that I was more likely to display my emotions, for some reason, even though I did not think that I was more emotional than I had been. But I would cry at times, which I had never done before, and I was more willing to touch other people, to hug when meeting someone. I discovered that I also was more talkative, and I gradually got used to looking other people in the eye, which I had always had problems with. Brain scans indicated that my brain had a typical female structure, when they finally got around to checking. Yet, I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed, calm, ready to face whatever came my way. My dreams had become much more frequent, and they seemed different somehow to the dreams I remembered in the past. Without being specific as to how, the dreams conveyed the feeling that things were going to improve, to get better. Everything was going to be alright, and there was no reason not to be happy. Very frequently my dreams were of people who knew me and talked with me in ways that were enjoyable. Constantly people were giving me affirmation, telling me that I was good, that I was fun to be around, that I contributed a lot to things. Most importantly, my dreams made me feel wanted, and like I belonged to a big family. The dreams were very positive in feeling, even though the events did not seem markedly different than what I thought of as normal. But there was always feelings of comfort, peaceful, serene, the warmth of a late summer afternoon. In my dreams, I was female, and I was very aware of being female, but without any stressful reactions to being female. Being female was natural, there was no reason to fear being female, I liked being female. When I would wake up, I was more aware of my female self than I could remember, and yet I still felt energized, looking forward to my day. I was confident that I would find solutions to the problems I would encounter, and I knew that there were people who cared about me, and valued me as a person. My encounters with other people became more relaxed, and I noticed more smiles than I could remember. 10 Dealing with natural born women was threatening to me, as I could not pass as a woman, yet I was not masculine, either. One day at work, Barbra, one of my co-workers, asked if we could have lunch together. "Sure, why not?" I replied. We went to a local diner, and got a booth. "So, what do you like to be called?" Barbara asked. "I have decided that I like Corrynne, which I spell as C O R R Y N N E," "Corrynne? That is a pretty name. As I recall, you live alone. Do you still, or have you found a roommate?" "No, I still live alone. But I would like to find a roommate, as I have been getting much more lonely than I used to." Barbara smiled at me, and said, "Being female probably exposes you to hormones which make your emotions more acute, or stronger, somehow. What you used to tolerate now is unbearable, I'll bet." "It seems that way sometimes. But there is no way to predict how I will react to different situations, because what I did before often does not even occur to me now." Barbara reached over and took my hand. "I have always thought that you were a nice person, and considered approaching you. Now the way things are, I thought that you might like to have a friend who could help you to cope with what has happened to you. What do you think?" Looking in her eyes, I sensed that she was truly concerned about me, and that she felt compassion for someone who was going through something which she could hardly conceive of. Tears sprang into my eyes, and I looked down for a moment, then looked up. "Wow! That would be wonderful. Initially, I was assigned a counselor, but things have been so topsy-turvy that I haven't seen her in weeks. One of my biggest problems right now is clothes. I haven't the money to go out and buy a bunch of stuff, but hardly anything of my own fits anymore." "We are about the same size, and I have some things that I would be willing to donate to you. I also know of a couple of good second hand stores which have a good selection. Would you like to go shopping with me on Saturday?" "Sure. Where do you want to meet?" "How about your place? Mine is kind of far out of town, so it would not make sense to have you come all the way out there. How about 10 o'clock?" "Okay." I smiled at Barbara. "My place is on Bedford Avenue, I'll write down the address for you." We spent the rest of our lunch break talking, mostly about what I was experiencing, trying to make some connections with what Barbara thought as normal. I was reluctant to talk about a lot of things in public, but Barbara assured me that no one was paying attention to us, and that I could speak freely. "One of the biggest distractions that I deal with is my vagina getting moist. Sometimes I feel like I must be leaking all over everything, but even just a little feeling of dampness is disturbing to me. How do you cope with it? "Well, I never really notice it unless I am really gushing. I mean, yeah I do feel myself getting wet, but it is not a distracting thing. When I get aroused, then it is hard to ignore, but I would think that an erection would be the same way. Were you aware of every little change in your penis?" "No, I guess that I learned to ignore it as I grew older. Its just so different to anything I have ever felt, is the problem, I think. If you suddenly had a penis, I'll bet that you would be hyper aware of every little shift, stretch, pinch, and itch." "Yes, you are probably right. I can't imagine what it would be like. Do you feel like you are making a spectacle of yourself, or leaving messes behind? You can use panty liners if you feel like it is noticeable." "Panty liners? I thought that those were just for when you were close to your period." "No, some women use them a lot of the time, because they do get pretty wet occasionally. Personally, I think that they are being paranoid, but it is never worth it to try to talk them out of using the things all the time. It's their money. Tell me, have you learned how to pleasure yourself yet? Do you know what it is like to have an orgasm as a woman?" Glancing around quickly, I replied, "No, not really. I have started to masturbate, but I feel so strange when I start to get aroused. I don't know what kind of fantasy to try to get into, because the physical difference is so drastic. I mean, thinking about sex as a man doesn't work for me anymore, yet I don't really know how to imagine being penetrated. It seems so violent, so degrading." "Wow! You have some things you need to work out with your counselor, Corrynne. Almost every woman I know fantasizes to some degree about being penetrated, and dildos are common sex toys. Maybe you should get one on Saturday." "Um, I will think about it, okay? I don't consider it to be a priority right now, not like getting some clothes that fit. I mean, I only have one bra left, and I think that it is not the right size, or maybe I am doing something wrong in how I have it adjusted. Anyway, we need to head back to work, it is already past 13." "Oh, don't worry about it. Everyone knows that you are under a lot of stress. We want you to stay on, and I hope that you can allow us to help you with things." "I really appreciate that, and I will need some prodding to open up about some things, I am sure. I was never a very touchy-feely kind of person, and things that I feel are overwhelming sometimes." Picking up my tray, I started to walk toward the exit. Barbara walked with me, but was quiet until we got to my area, and then she stopped me and gave me a hug. "Just remember, Corrynne, you are not alone. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I'll call you later. Bye for now." Barbara walked off to her office. I stood there for a moment, completely gob-smacked, then went to my work area. I spent the next half hour staring off into space, thinking about what had just happened. A dildo? 11 The PLF Minister absorbed the latest report. The experiments had been successful, and the conversion program was beginning. Large-scale conversions had already been done. The Minister radiated happiness as they contacted the Prime Minister. "We appear to have found a solution to the problem you gave me. Our program should begin to have an effect soon." "Are you ready to go before the council and share your belief?" the PM inquired. "Yes, I am confident that we have the problem in the solution phase. The entire population will be a single gender in less than one more orbit of the planet around its sun." "This is good," the PM beamed, "quelling the demands for extermination has become very difficult. We have feared that unilateral action might be taken, and we do not have the resources to protect the planet from harm if one of our members takes it upon themselves to end this." 12 People all over the world began to report having strange dreams, where everyone was female. Male and female alike experienced these dreams, and children were starting to question adults about why the world was going to be female. Having already been transformed, I still felt uncomfortable with the idea of there only being one sex, and I was afraid that it might mean the end of humanity. I personally was not interested in being a mother, but I knew that males were required for that sort of thing to happen. In my dreams, I was not uncomfortable, and the world that I dreamed about seemed nearly the same as the one I lived in, except that I didn't see any males. My state of mind when awake was almost serene, as though I had not lost anything by becoming female. This was in contrast to the months right after my transformation, when I was very upset. The newly transformed I encountered seemed very accepting and comfortable with their changes, which was a big contrast to me. Part of me still resented that I was female, and that would cause me to break down once in a while. The number of transformations swelled, and the age bracket expanded, to the point that males were quickly becoming very rare. Yet, people kept going to work, doing the things that had to be done, while the business world experienced wild swings. Somehow, society seemed glued together, no matter what happened. Life was not going to end, yet, anyway, so chin up and keep marching. The dreams became very peaceful, and I began to believe that the way of life that I knew was flawed. There seemed to be no need for the conflict that surrounded every aspect of the old life. The struggle for power between male and female was becoming irrelevant as there were so few males. The feeling of separateness between people was diminishing, the sense that we all belonged was growing. I found myself talking to people on the bus, smiling at other passengers in the elevator, and thinking about those around me when I was in a crowd. The dreams were a frequent subject of conversation, and I was amazed at how similar were people's perceptions of them. I knew I was being brainwashed, yet I was not afraid of it. After the tension, stress, pain, fear, and feelings of being isolated I remembered in the past, this seemed like heaven. Hugging people no longer seemed strange, and I discovered what living without being afraid was like. Being female no longer meant feeling vulnerable. One day, my mind was completely blanked out by sensations of being female, things which I had not been aware of for over a year suddenly were all I could think about. There was no future, no past, just the immediate now, the stairs I am descending, the door I am opening a backdrop to awareness of being female. Gradually, this faded to the point that I could think about what I wanted to do that afternoon, where I had been earlier in the day. This energy surge triggered the largest wave of transformations yet, one which left a few hundred thousand males on the planet. There was no panic, people seemed calm, and I kept getting waves of serenity washing over me. Life would continue, what needed to be done would be done, there was no reason to freak out. I felt as though I were on some kind of drug, yet I was not disoriented, or flailing around, I just felt good. Going to work was not a problem, I looked forward to helping out there. The day passed with lots of quiet conversations, fewer than normal sirens on the streets, and a gentleness in the traffic. That night, sleep came easily, and my dreams seemed normal. Then I began to see visions, of stars spread out in the blackness of space, with planets circling them, and moons circling some of the planets. Somehow, I knew that there were beings on those worlds, beings who could feel emotions. Emotions like fear, anger, and loneliness hurt these beings, caused them great distress. These were powerful entities, and they wanted to make this suffering stop. Investigation by these beings revealed that there was a planet, Earth, which was causing all of the emotional carnage. Further study indicated that the conflict between the male and female of the dominant life form on the planet was the source of the negative emotional energy. This was a recent development, as this planet had not radiated much until about 10,000 planetary orbits ago, when the reports of injury began. This coincided with a drastic change in the culture of the hominids, it was discovered, when the males displaced the females as the primary food providers. Males had used the power this position conveyed to dominate and repress females, lowering the status of women to that of animal, and allowing men to own women as slaves. This information was extremely distasteful to the researchers, and they were inclined to recommend the eradication, the complete destruction, of the human race. This was not a popular course of action among the Others, and different solutions were asked for. One possibility was to change the biology of the humans to eliminate the males, which would end the conflict. This was proposed as a long-term plan, which would take thousands of orbital periods to complete. That was unacceptable to the community of planets, and they decided to see if males could be converted into females. A test subject was selected, and was killed in the attempted transformation. But much was learned, and several more deaths occurred before the first successful transformations. Dreams were used to prepare people for the changes, and to help people adjust to them afterwards. Changing our species was considered a better outcome than destroying it, which the Others were capable of doing. Nor was the wholesale slaughter of all human males acceptable, as that would be as painful as the current conflict. The energy needed to transform a human male into a female was considerable, and only single transformations were possible at first. As expertise improved, larger numbers of males could be changed at once. The number of minds working on the problem increased as the difficulty of the change decreased. All of this was accomplished over a mental bridge, spanning many light years, and involving a whole community of star systems. No hint of physical travel was ever made, everything seemed to be done remotely. Somehow, I knew that males were going to go extinct, but that steps were being taken to allow humans to continue to exist. We are not alone. We are a science experiment, brought about by our horrible behavior hurting others. We could be dead, wiped out completely, which would have been much easier to accomplish than what happened. There was still uncertainty about how the future would unfold, about whether humanity would continue to be aware of the Others. Such knowledge could be eliminated from our minds, apparently. 13 We are all female, we will always be female, and our children will all be female. We are forgetting what males were, what they did. There is much less pain in the world now, and a feeling of belonging is becoming common. Society is changing as nurturing is no longer inhibited, and displaying emotion is common. By repressing the feminine in themselves, males had influenced how society evolved. Empathy was becoming more evident, and stronger, as people developed an awareness of the emotions of those around them. There are many people that I love, who love me. Everything will be alright. Our desires have been manipulated, we now are attracted to females while still desiring to be penetrated. Genital to genital contact is very pleasurable, and is a common form of sex, as well as the use of sex toys. Inhibitions about bare skin have disappeared, although there are still some people who get offended by nudity. Public displays of affection are no longer considered improper, and hugging and kissing are the common greeting. Holding hands while walking together is enjoyed by all. Pornography is non-existent, yet photos of people nude are everywhere. Jobs which were difficult for a single man to do are now handled by several people working together, and many new devices have been developed to augment people's physical strength. Competitions of physical strength still exist, but sports have become less conflict oriented. Marriage is now unusual, with people living in groups. Enough sperm has been frozen to insure several generations of offspring, and research is continuing in ways to allow couples to have their own children. There is some anecdotal evidence of natural born women being impregnated by former males during genital to genital sex, but this has been extremely rare so far. The world population is decreasing, but not crashing, with children still being born all over the world. But they all are female, at least as we know female to be. Body types still range from short to tall, thin to obese, and every combination thereof. The dreams have tapered off, and we get very little sense of the Others being around. The dreams have been used a few times to convey information, and we have gotten the impression that research is underway to insure that our species continues. We have received no technical knowledge, no sudden leaps in our science, and our world has changed little in terms of communications and transportation. We continue to explore our immediate surroundings, the Solar System, and research ways to extract resources from asteroids. We know that we can process materials in space using energy from the Sun, and getting those materials in space is the focus of large amounts of investment. Several asteroids of nearly pure metal, including one of copper, have been discovered. This has helped to slow the environmental destruction that extracting copper has been doing on Earth. In spite of the efforts going on off planet, the population living in space is still very small. Epilogue The Prime Minister was extremely pleased, the demands for extermination had ended, the sector was quieting down, relaxation was possible. The scientists had found several ways to keep the Primitive Life Form human viable, so the Ethical Standards were being complied with. There were those who felt that the PLF on the planet would become stagnant, without the duality of the male-female sexual division, but there were several examples of dynamic life which did not have male-female form. There was hope that the culture of the humans could be modified so to allow reintroduction of males eventually. Research into that was being kept very quiet. As far as the PM was concerned, the PLF from Earth were better off staying out of sight for a few million more orbits.