Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2011 12:26:12 -0700 (PDT) From: B Ratful Subject: Bitches in Ditches Bitches in Ditches {all the usual caveats on age and location but also one for sense ;-)] Partly true story of two "Gurls" in the South. Avy and I were rolling down the highway. Sunny day, top down in the Tbird. Two-lane blacktop shimmering slightly in the spring warmth. Atomic Road, south bound from Augusta to the coast at Beaufort. Mom's ashes were in the urn on the back seat. I made her a promise15 years before and I keep my word. Avy had been cute about it, "I'm up for getting them together again." We were going to pour Mom on Dad's grave as a close to their relationship. Dad had a nice spot in the national cemetery under a live oak daintily dressed in moss. He'd been there since '93, alone with the other marble slabs. My skirt was riding up as I moved my legs, the stocking tops were now exposed along with a slender band of skin that the Sun was gently warming. My eyes covered by sunglasses scanned the road as we reached 60 miles an hour between the bumpkin towns. Rural South Carolina was a throwback and I wasn't thinking of mint juleps consumed on verandas. We slowed to go through Jackson, scraggly old fruit stands and beat up gas stations. The pedal down as we headed toward the Savannah River Plant for our dose of radiation. SC Route 125 was a gem, dusty towns and nuclear waste but it was faster than swinging to the north. Once away from the radiation, Avy looked over at me, "Well, at least all that couldn't hurt our balls." She gave me one of her trademarked wry down at the right grins, "good thing too I'd hate to go that way!" She'd been on a run of death and dying cracks since I got the call that Mom died. I didn't mind because it all seemed like something that had been done and over with before it started. Mom had been so ready to go for years. She had had good robust health but she was pining for Dad. 15 years is a good spell of time to be without your lover, friend, and husband of nearly 50 anniversaries. Dad, the old son-of-a-bitch, had kicked the bucket a few months before we could put on the big party. My sisters' planning had become the stuff of legends to the grandkids. Dad probably didn't want anything to do with it all. Sensible to the end. Millet, Martin, Appleton were just minor speed decreases but Allendale was the Big One before the coast. It had two fast food places whose greasy mess shall remain nameless. I had gone down this road with Mom on the day of Dad's burial and several times after to visit his grave. It had to be with me, Mom would never have driven it herself and she wouldn't ask my sisters'. Not as strange if you met my sisters'. I refused to be cooped up in a small space like a car with them; I guess Mom felt the same way. Avy leaned over and kissed the little bit of my thigh above the stockings. She always knew when to let me zone out. My face in the lens of her wayfarers was serious. I squeezed her hand. At Fairfax, there was a detour. Ahead there was a train derailed blocking the highway between Brunson and Hampton. There were no good roads to work around except by going south out of Fairfax 20 miles and then cutting over to I-95 another 40 or more. Shit, this was going to add an hour to the trip. Even though it was a US highway, it looked liked all the other roads. "When you gals get to Estill, look for the #3 road signs, that'll take ya'll to 278 and then to Coosawhatchie. Drive easy that ole #3 is a bitch," his name was "Jolly", it said so on his chest. He had a good look at my legs, which I didn't bother to cover. Avy bent over showing the top of her full bosom, "Well we're some bitches ourselves." Jolly could see that and waved us to the right. We smiled with lots of teeth and swung south. Gifford and Luray were blurs, weird train tracks then Estill. The #3 went left like Jolly had said. Narrow lanes with deep overgrown ditches, old trees making arches overhead closing out the Sun. Lena had a store that looked it had closed when Truman was in the White House. No cars on the road after we passed Route 601. The dusty sunlight that stabbed between the trees lit us occasionally as we sped on. Now and then we came out of the trees into stretches of farmland. Plowed fields and cows. Open road ahead I put my foot down. Avy pulled up her skirt to show a lot of thigh and leaned back, "Sun come do your thing!" We shot into another dark tree tunnel, the Spanish moss hanging far down. Loose gravel bouncing up under the car BLAM Whoosh we were in a skid. The left hand ditch opened wide and we slid into weeds and water. Coming out of the blackness involved pain! Dizzy and hurting, I looked over at Avy. She had slipped down half crumpled suspended in the seatbelt, her head against the door. I reached out but the pain stopped me. Nasty iron taste of blood in my mouth, raw jabs of pain along my left side. The car was at a steep angle nose down the engine running but we weren't going anywhere. I turned off the motor and decided to release my seatbelt. I braced myself with my right knee on the lower dashboard. Ooooohhhhh that hurt! Free of the belt I had to spend energy to keep from sliding against my door. I felt Avy's throat, her pulse was strong! Good! She moaned some as I made an attempt to see if she was bleeding. Her eyes opened and her head slowly lifted. A low raspy question, "are you ok?" "Yes honey, I'll be ok!" I leaned over, her eyes were not focused but her hand touched me and squeezed. Avy tried to sit up, stopped with a grimace but tried again. She brought her legs up with considerable effort and released her belt. "I guess the damn things saved us," in that same raspy tone. Avy smiled at me, funny lop-sided but I had to try returning it. "Baby, we aren't getting out your side too hard to open the door," I spoke slowly my jaw hurt with motion. I moved down to release the driver's side door. It swung out and down fast! I stared at the swampy water below. "Avy, I think my left arm is broken." My arm hurt as I slid carefully toward the opening. "Go slow Trish!" I nodded, inching my way downward. The muck didn't look inviting. I worked my heels off and lowered myself into the weeds. My left arm was useless; Avy behind me took hold of my collar. "Easy, easy. Hold the door!" Cold and slimly YEECH I shivered, which didn't do my hurts any good. I stepped to the left grabbing for the side of the car, muck above my knees. I held on and dragged each foot from the muck moving slowly along side the car. Avy came down behind me her hands on my hips helped to steady me for stepping up the slope of the ditch. My left arm hung loose, I gripped the car awkwardly with my right and worked my way up sidestepping. Avy went with me step for step her strong hands helping me. "That's it honey, you're doing fine, nice and slow, " Avy's arm around my waist she guided me to the back of the car. "Sit on the bumper," she lowered me carefully avoiding my left side. Avy leaned on the road side of the car, "My head and chest hurts but I don't think anything else is a problem." I spat some blood into the gravel, ooohhh that smarts but it was better to get rid of it. "Avy, would you check your cell for signal? She lifted her purse from the floor of the back seat, "No bars, honey. We're in a dead spot. Can't say I'm surprised this is really nowhere." "I guess mine won't be any different, check it if you can." She struggled to lean into the car, "I can't get to it. I'm gonna sit for a few minutes and chill." She carefully sat beside my left and gingerly checked my arm, "My nursing skills aren't strong but it looks broken. Hasn't come through the skin, so it can't be too horrible." We couldn't see much under the trees, no people or even a cow. Nothing moving. I shivered again, the shade and wet feet we making me cold. Avy felt my tremor and looked in the back seat for the blanket we had Mom wrapped in. She gently draped it around me. "Mom's ok, the urn is still sealed." She handed me a bottle of water, "Rinse your mouth Trish." My jaw was still hurting but I could spit easier. Avy was standing up peering down the way we had come. "Can you see anybody, Avy? Anything alive that is." She laughed, "Well you are recovering Fast!" Avy took a look at the front of the car, "Honey, you're going to have a nice repair bill!" "Don't let's start on that yet, I want a repair for me first." "How far back was the last house Trish?" "Has to be 4 or 5 miles. Can we walk it? Should we wait for someone?" "You aren't walking in any case! Don't take that cute tush off the bumper! I'll go to the end of this stretch of trees and look around." Avy strode off in her usual "I'm gonna get this done" manner. I loved her for it. High heeled "Lady" going down the road. Ha, what a hoot! "Hey Trish, there's some kind of building with wires running in about quarter mile down. I'm going to try that," Avy yelled. I leaned back and shifted my cradled left arm, ooohhh yes, broken for sure! My jaw didn't seem to be swollen. I closed my eyes, shouldn't doze off though. I tried to re-cap the wreck, had to be a blowout and the loose gravel... Well, I'll have fun with the insurance folks! Mom was going to wait on her reunion with the Old Boy. I was on the edge of sleep when I heard a loud rattling and engine noise. A "truck' came to a stop beside me, it looked worse than my car. Avy climbed out all smiles, "Jerome, is going to drive us to the doc's back in Estill. Come on Honey!" Jerome appeared around the bulbous nose of the truck. Big! Yes, a big black man in overalls and a bright red shirt. Muscles and a nice smile. "Hey there ya need to come along now. Doc' Jones office ain't that far." Jerome leaned over and gently helped me up. He half carried me to the truck, "You sit next to me, missy you hold on to her. The road tisn't bad." For a man as big as he was he was tender and careful. "We bitch about the way they's dump gravel on these roads wit out `nuff tar. Skids always happen'." He drove slowly and smoothly riding the centerline, "There's n'er much comin' or goin' this time a day." "Doc's a good man been fixin' everybody around here forever." Avy's arm around my waist squeezed lightly, "Sweetie I'll be right there with you!" "When we's get to da Doc's I'll call Teddy to come an' go over ya'lls car. He'll know what to do." I didn't care, later maybe. Even Jerome's careful driving didn't stop the truck from bouncing. Avy took a tighter grip, "Honey, lean more against me." The sharp stabs from my arm were getting worse, I put my head on Avy's shoulder my good right hand holding tight to her. I faded out. Goddamn South! Never liked any of it. Heat, sweat, bugs, backward people and places. Oh, Southerners are so friendly... BULLSHIT!! This saying always struck as truism "as much depth as piss on a flat rock." Well... there had been a few southern boys who had gotten pretty deep in me ;-> Not one that you could have a relationship with though. The worse haircuts, mullets or bangs, what the hell is that!! >>> Let me know if you like it so far. So there's no sex yet, be patient! email: brat1970@yahoo.com