Date: Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:45:16 +0000
From: John Edwards <fiat_nut@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Changing of Billy

The Changing of Billy
Another Fiction by, John G. Edwards
JO/EL Engineering Technical Publications
Copyright 2016

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Marion was a stay-at-home mom that lived in the suburbs of St. Louis, she
was 33 years old and had a son, Billy, who was the apple of her eye. Marion
was married to Thomas Clifton, a marriage that was not made in heaven, but
somewhere in between heaven and hell. She stood exactly 5'5" and could be
described as the meaning of petite and cute combined, Thomas, on the other
hand, was 5'10 and looked like a back-woods mountain man with coarse
features and was about 25 pounds overweight. Billy, now age thirteen, was
the result of one nights drinking way too much and a quickie. He too was
petite and somewhat underweight by about 15 pounds. Billy wasn't skin and
bones, but you could tell that he was malnourished, or something.

The Clifton's lived just inside the West city limits of St. Louis, in an
area known as Dog Town, near McCausland and Manchester. Dog Town got its
name from when dog races were held there. It was a quite part of St. Louis
and most of the homes were built in the late teens to late twenties. Thomas
worked at a mid-sized company on the corner of Manchester Avenue and Hanley
Road as a plant maintenance worker, it wasn't an exciting job, but the job
was secure.

The Clifton's would often get into arguments over Thomas's excessive
drinking, and he had been warned several times at work about coming back
from lunch nearly drunk. It was a problem that he denied and would not take
anyone's criticism about. The watering hole, Uncle Hugo's, across the
street from the plant on Hanley Road was a regular place for the factory
workers to go after they got off work, as is the tradition in many Mid-West
cities. One day, Thomas had been drinking quite heavily when he went to
lunch at Cousin Hugo's and his supervisor, Gus, was waiting for him when he
came back to work about 15 minutes late.

"Thomas, can you come into my office, please," said his supervisor who was
obviously not happy. After Thomas came in and sat down, he started dressing
Thomas down, "Thomas, have you been drinking?"

"No, not really. I had about a half a glass of beer, it you call that
drinking."

"Really? You smell like four or five beers to me. Randy, would you step
into my office." Randy was one of the machinists who also frequented Cousin
Hugo's at lunch time and he had been there today. "Randy, you had lunch
with Thomas today?"

"Yes, sir."

"Can you tell me how many beers Thomas had for lunch today?" Thomas was
visibly nervous and hoped that Randy would not rat him out.

"At least four, that I know of. I got there a little late and Tom had an
empty glass sitting on the bar when I got there, but I know that he had at
least four while I was there." Randy was new at the factory and didn't want
to inform on his workmate, but he knew better than to try and cover for
Thomas whom he didn't know all that well. The factory was a pretty tight
knit bunch, but the majority of worker were god fearing individuals and
would not lie for one another, and he didn't want to get into some sort of
melee that would cost him his job.

"Is this true Thomas?"

"Absolutely not! I only had half a bottle, like I said."

"Thank you Randy, that will be all," Randy left the office. "Thomas, how
many times have we had this discussion about your drinking? More than a
couple, but would you care to guess?"

"Not really."

"From what your file says, there has been six other occurrences and now
this makes seven. What am I to do with you? I can't have my people working
inebriated and get hurt on the job, or far worse, someone else. I'm going
to give you a choice here, either get a blood test to confirm that you only
had half a beer, or you can quit without reference. It's up to you,
Thomas."

Thomas had to think about this for a minute, he could fess up and get
terminated without having a reference from the factory that he had worked
for nearly 14 years, or get the blood test and get terminated with a stain
on his work record that would be there for all to see.

"Thomas, I have the plant nurse waiting for you down stairs."

Oh shit, thought Thomas, there was not going to be a time buffer for the
alcohol to work out of his system. He fidgeted in his seat and could see
that Gus was getting impatient. "Ok, I did have several beers at lunch
today, but I promise that I'll never do it again if you'll give me just one
more chance? Please???"

"I would love to give you another chance, I really would, but Thomas, this
is the seventh time we've had this discussion. I'm sorry, but you will have
to collect your things, you're fired." Gus called the head of security to
go with Thomas and see that he removed himself and his things from the
premises.

Thomas was now getting angry as the security people escorted him thru the
machine shop and he pointed to Randy on the way, "Squealer!" He shouted.
Randy just turned his back and went back to work on his machine. Once
Thomas was off the lot, he went to Cousin Hugo's to commence where he had
left off at lunch time. With each additional beer he got more angry and
louder. Hugo came over and told him to pipe down or he would have to leave.

"Tom, you can't be like this in here. If you keep this up, I'm going to
have to ask you to leave."

"You are right, Hugo. I'll tone it down, another beer please."

"This is your last one for the day Tom," said Hugo as he grudgingly pulled
another mug of beer.

Thomas knew that this wasn't going to end well at home tonight and he
thought about how he was going to tell Marion. He sat there with his elbow
on the bar and placed his head in his hand and rubbed his forehead.
Drinking had almost always been a problem, but one that Thomas thought that
he could deal with. To him, drinking alcohol was like drinking a soda, but
unfortunately the effects were deleterious. It was near 4:30 and the guys
were coming in after work. For the most part, the guys avoided talking to
Thomas and sat at the tables instead of the bar. Randy came in a few
minutes later and saw Thomas sitting at the bar by himself and went over to
try and patch thing up.

"Tom, can I buy you a beer?"

"You son of a bitch, you got me fired!"

Randy didn't want to make this situation escalate and turned around to walk
away. Thomas got off the stool and grabbed Randy by the shoulder and tried
to turn him around.

"Didn't you hear me, you bastard?" Thomas was pissed and was going to show
randy who was master of this situation.

Because Thomas had so much liquor in him, he telegraphed his move and
Randy, who was about 6'2" and quite muscled, took Thomas's hand and twisted
it around his back and told Thomas to cool down. Thomas broke loose and
tried to take another swing at Randy with a beer bottle that he grabbed
from the bar and broke it only to have it deflected and then receive a
crushing blow to his jaw that sent him to the floor in very short order.
Thomas went down with a thud and hit his temple on the foot rail next to
the bar. Almost instantaneously blood started gushing from his head.

Randy was stunned that Thomas had went down so easily and just stood
there. One of the other guys from work came over and pushed Randy out of
the way to see what he could do for Thomas. He raised his head after about
five minutes and tried to say something, but went limp and passed out once
more. An ambulance was called and Thomas was transported to Barnes-Jewish
hospital about 15 minutes away.

Marion was driving down Manchester when the ambulance went rolling by in
the opposite direction.  all of a sudden her cell phone rang,
"Mrs. Clifton?"

"Yes?" The conversation went downward from there. The voice on the phone
told her that Thomas had been in a fight at Cousin Hugo's and that she
should go to the hospital as quickly as she could. Marion spun the car
around and headed for downtown. The ambulance reached the hospital about
eight minutes earlier and they had Thomas in the emergency room on a
gurney. When Marion came in she rushed to the ER and found where they had
taken Thomas. She was both scared and a nervous wreck when she reached
Thomas.

The doctors were working feverishly on Thomas but Marion went the front of
the gurney and looked at Thomas, he opened his eyes and smiled at her.
Suddenly he had a fixed gaze on his face and Marion knew that he was gone.
The doctors wanted to try heroic measures to revive Thomas, but Marion told
them to stand down, he was in a better place now. Unlike most wives, Marion
neither got excited nor cried. She was somehow at peace with herself and
resigned to the fact that she would be widow. The doctors asked her if she
would like a few minutes alone with her deceased husband, but she declined
and said that she had to go and get her son.

It was as if a huge fog had descended upon St. Louis as Marion drove home
from the hospital quietly crying to herself. What was she going to tell
Billy? What happened to Thomas, anyway?" A policeman was waiting for Marion
when she arrived home, much to her surprise. She got out of the car and the
sergeant met her at the walkway to the house near the street.
"Mrs. Clifton?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sergeant Hardge, I'm sorry for your loss. Has anyone told you what
happened and about how your husband met his end?"

"No?"

The sergeant could see that Marion was not physically or mentally shaken by
her husband's death and though this somewhat odd. He told her that Thomas
had been let go from his workplace and that he tried to take it out on one
of his fellow workers. Of course it would be several days before Marion
went to Tom's workplace and see about the insurance and what had happened
there to send Tom to his eventual death. She was shocked to hear that Tom
had been warned numerous times before getting the sack. She had never heard
any of this before.

Marion tried to digest everything and make some sense of it. Thomas was not
the kind of man that would share his feelings or tell his wife much about
his work. The only good thing about going into the plant was to discover
that Thomas had an insurance policy for $1,000,000, and his partial
retirement benefit would be around $1600 per month. She kind of felt rich,
but not really. A million bucks would most likely be enough to see her to
old age, but she would still have to be frugal with her windfall.

Billy took the news pretty hard, but he knew that his father was a drunk
and could be very mean. There's nothing worse than a mean drunk because
they usually become belligerent and can be quite abusive. He had to hide in
the his mothers closet when his father came home drunk because he didn't
want to get in his way. He had seen him slap his mother around and he would
put his hands over his ears and hum to himself loudly to block out the
incident. He had become very introverted because of his father's tirades
and would wear his mothers clothes sometimes. He felt that by wearing her
clothes she would somehow become closer to him.

Marion let him do this because it seemed to calm him down for some
reason. After the funeral and a few weeks later, Marion came home to find
Billy in the closet wearing one of her dresses and her brunette
wig. "Honey, what are you doing in here?"

"I needed you to be close to me today. I had a dream last night that father
had come home drunk and was mad."

"Oh, honey? your father is dead and buried and he will never come home
again that way. You know that I love you, don't you?"

"Yes mommy, I do? Can I just sit here for a little more."

"No, I've got an idea. Come over here and sit at my dressing table." Billy
go out of the close and looked around as if he were looking for his father
and then sat at the low table with the big mirror. "How would you like for
me to put some makeup on you Billy? That should make you feel a lot
better."

Billy just stared at her for a minute, but shook his head 'yes.' Marion
would do a simple makeup and just put some black mascara and lipstick on
Billy. It only took a few minutes, but Billy really seemed to like wearing
the makeup and he gave his mother a big hug and said, "Thank you, mommy."
Marion wasn't able to take it all in to see her son so happy, but he
was. From that day on, Marion would see a change in Billy and would have to
nurture this change.

Marion had taken a part time job to reduce her boredom and she had wanted
to get back into the workforce, but Thomas would not allow it. She got was
able you get a part time job at the factory that Thomas had worked for. She
was in the small tool assembly department.

The other women there were very nice to her and knew about her husband's
demise, but did not say much about that. It was a Friday when Marion had to
work a full shift to help get a larger order out and she called Billy to
let him know that she would be late getting home. The work was somewhat
tedious because there were many small parts that were used in an assembly
and the factory had found that women's hands were better suited to this
task. It was a tiring day when she left for home because she had put
together a record number of assemblies in one day. Dinner would probably be
some fast food tonight. When Marion got home, she called for Billy, there
wasn't any reply. When this happened, she knew that Billy was probably in
the closet.

Marion went to her bedroom and opened the closet door to find that Billy
was wearing a dress and had attempted to put on makeup, including eye
shadow. But when he came out, he was also wearing a bra and pantyhose.

"One of those days honey?" Billy just shook his head. "Come on, let's go to
White Castle and get some sliders tonight for diner. I know they are your
favorite. He suddenly got a big smile on his face and came out. "Did you
want to take off your makeup first?"

"No, I'll go like this, if it's ok?"

Marion looked at her son and shook her head and then smiled. "How about I
kind of fix your makeup before we go. And, how about we find you some shoes
that go with your outfit?" Billy just went to the makeup table and sat
down. Marion went over and had Billy wipe all of the makeup off his face so
she could start anew. "I see you like the olive-green eye shadow? "I'm
going to reapply it so it looks a little better, ok?"

"Yes, please." Marion applied the eye shadow and blended it up to his eye
brows. The then took some black eyeliner and drew two very thin lines, one
on the upper lid, and one to the lower and slightly blended them in.  a
coat of reddish pink lipstick was applied to his lips and he was nearly
ready to go, except for putting the slightly curly brunette wig onto his
head. "How about some black shoes? I've got a pair of Mary-Jane's that
should just about fit you and should go nice with your pink
pantyhose. Would you like to look a little fuller on top?" said Marion as
she grabbed her breasts, one in each hand to show him.

"Do you have something for that?"

"Of course darling," she said as she went and got a couple of foam rubber
breast forms and put them into the cups of his bra. "There, doesn't that
look much better sweetie?"

Billy shook his head and looked at himself in the mirror, his smile could
have lit the up the room. He stood up and put on the shoes and headed for
the car. Marion was a little concerned, but Billy wanted to go out dressed
like a girl. She wondered where all this came from as she walked to the
garage behind the house. Billy jumped in and bucked up and smiled at his
mother. "Do I look pretty mother?"

"Yes you do sweetheart, very pretty indeed."

"Will you show me how to put on makeup when we get home so I can look
pretty for you?"

Marion was somewhat shocked to hear these words, but not so that she would
refuse Billy's request.

"Did you just want to do drive-thru, or go in?"

"Let's go in, please."

Marion was now wondering if her son would be made fun of, or what? She
parked the car and they went in with Billy leading the way to her surprise,
but this whole night was a surprise to her. Billy order for the both of
them and nothing was said about the way he was dressed. As they sat there
and ate, there was a girl about Billy's age setting a couple of table away
eyeing him over.

"Janet, stop staring," said the girl's mother.

"But, he's a boy in a dress, isn't he?"

"Shush now?"

Billy had heard what she said, but didn't seem to get excited about it. He
just smiled at her when she would look his way. When he and his mother
left, the girls spouted, "You need to redo your lipstick, you've eaten it
all off, you know?"

Billy just shook his head, smiled once more, and walked out without further
comment, but when he get into the car, he told his mother, "Is my lipstick
really all gone?"

"Yes, dear it is."

"I guess that's why you carry a purse, huh?"

"It most certainly is."

"Do you have a purse that I can borrow so I can keep my lipstick in it?"

"I'm sure we can find you something. Would you like a clutch or one with a
strap?" Marion asked curiously.

"I think one with a strap, then I won't lose it."

"Very sensibly dear heart."

When they got home, Billy went in and immediately refreshed his lips with
lipstick and then ask his mother if she could teach him more
tonight. Marion was pretty tired, but said that they could do a couple of
things, but she promised that she would spend a lot more time tomorrow. She
had Billy wash his face so that she would have a clean slate to work
with. To start with, Marion showed Billy how to choose the right color
foundation to use and how to sponge it on.

"Why do women wear foundation, mom?"

"We wear it for a couple of reasons, fist we use it to hide any blemishes
that we might have and secondly we use it to lighten or darken our natural
skin tone, sometimes."  "But you don't wear it every day?"

"Some women do, I don't because of the work I do. Some women think that
it's all a part of putting on makeup. I would expect that most women who
work in a professional job, like a high powered secretaries wear foundation
every day at work because it's kind of expected, I think."

"Is that the reason some women wear more makeup than others, rules at
work?"

"You could say that I suppose, but some women think that more is
better. What do you think sweetie?" Do you think you would like to wear a
lot of makeup, or just a little?"

"I think I would wear a lot. I like it when you can wear different
colors. Makeup is supposed to make you look pretty, isn't it?"

"That's the general idea?" his mother laughed.

"Are there any rules about wearing makeup?"

"Mmm, that's a rather complicated question."

"Really?"

"Yes, depending upon the season you will wear different makeup colors. I'm
going to get you a subscription to some teen magazines so you can see
what's in style. I think that you will find them most interesting. The
makeup companies want you to continue to buy their products and keep coming
up with new colors and products to keep you coming back for more. You can
go makeup broke if you buy everything that they want to sell you. I've
always found that buying some of the better brands that I can develop my
own style and what I think looks good on me. There are some colors that are
not very popular anymore with some women, but there are manufactures who
probably make something in the colors that you want. You have to wear what
you like, not what the magazine want you to wear in the name of current
style."

"I can't wait to see those magazines!"

Marion applied a mauve eye shadow to Billy's eyes, a couple of lines of
liquid eyeliner, and then some black mascara to Billy's eyes. The little
shit actually looked pretty good in makeup, much to Marion's surprise! What
surprised her even more was the huge smile on his face. "How about some
lipstick for those lips? Maybe something in a rose color."

Billy puckered up his lips as his mother applied the lip stain. "Mom, do
you have some earrings that I can wear?"

"Of course, I still have a few pair of clip-on's somewhere in my jewelry
box, let me go look." When Marion came back she had a couple of different
pairs for Billy to try on. One pair had 1" round silver discs with small
little dangles hanging from them, the others were a pair of pearl earrings
with screw backs. Billy went immediately to the silver clip-on's and handed
them to his mother to show him how to put them on. Once they were
positioned correctly Billy just seemed to beam. "Now, don't you want to try
the pearls?"

"No thanks, I like these better."

"Try them on for me sweetheart, would you?"

"Oh, all right?"

Marion removed the clip-on's and screwed the 10 millimeter pearls onto
Billy's ears, "Let me know if this is too tight, alright?" Billy shook his
head. The pearls actually looked better than the silver ones to his
mother. "Ohh, I really like the pearls honey, take a look." As Billy
looked, he thought they were just ok, but wanted wear the silver ones
instead. Marion got the brunette wig and placed in onto his head and once
again, the illusion was complete. "Honey pie, you look so precious all
dressed up. Let me get my cobalt blue dress and have you try it on, ok?"
Billy put on the sequined blue dress and was amazed at what he looked like
wearing it.

"Mom, this dress is so beautiful on me. Could I try on a pair of high heels
too, please?"

His mother had a special pair of yellow 5" platform high heels that the
wore with this dress, and they made her look spectacular, so did Billy. He
looked much older all dressed up and about 150% more mature. "Oh darling,
you look truly wonderful, look at yourself in the full length mirror. All
Billy could do was stand there and blink his wonderfully made up eyes.

"Mother? I have to tell you something? I? I feel like girls clothes are the
right clothes for me. I think I'm a girl, not a boy."

Mother stood there almost not believing what just came out of Billy's
mouth, but there was another part of her that accepted what he had just
said.

"You are not mad at me are you? I mean?"

"No honey, I'm not mad. Maybe a little surprised, but certainly not
mad. How long have you been feeling like this?"

"More than a few years, I guess I've always known that I'm a girl and not a
boy. Is that possible for you to be in the wrong body?"

"I suppose it's possible. How would you like it if I called someone for you
to talk to about your feelings? My friend Carole is a nurse and maybe she
can recommend someone to talk to. I'm going to ask you a question Billy,
would you like to present yourself as a girl, all the time? I guess what
I'm saying, do you think you would feel ok dressing as a girl all the
time?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"I would like to dress all the time as a girl."

"Do you think that you could? You know, there are a lot of people who might
think that you are a little weird, or something. It may be hard if someone
says something to you about wearing a dress, all the time."

"That may be, but I've got to be true to myself and the heck with other
people who think differently, anyways."

"What about school, wouldn't your friends say something?"

"Mom, I don't have any good friends at school, I'll talk to a couple of
girls once in a while, but I think that they would probably understand if I
did." I did hurt Marion to hear that her son had no friends at school, but
maybe this was part of the reason why. She knew that kids could be very
cruel once in a while or insensitive. Here in the Mid-West, things like
this were not the norm, boys here were more rough and tumble and wanted to
play sports. The fear of having one of them try and bully her son left a
thread of fear in her heart. Marion pulled Billy close and gave him a big
hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Mom, when can I go shopping for my own clothes?"

"Dear, let's take this a step at a time and let me find a counselor for you
and then we can maybe cross that bridge. I don't want you, or me, to rush
into this. How about this, I will take you and get you properly fitted for
a bra, that's important you know. Having the right bra and one that's
comfortable and fits is one of the most important parts about wearing
female underwear. We can go see Judy at the lingerie shop over on
St. Charles Avenue, ok?"

"Can we do it tomorrow?"

"Yes honey, we can." It was starting to get late and Marion had to show
Billy how to remove his makeup. Once they had gone to bed, Billy was
thinking about going to the lingerie shop, and Marion was thinking about
what had brought all this on.

The next day they went to the lingerie shop and walked in, "Morning, how
are ya'all this fine Saturday morning? My name is Liz and I'll be glad to
help you."

Marion answered, "Great, and you sound like you are like you are good
too. Is Judy here this morning?"

"Honey, she will be back in a few minutes, she just stepped out to get us
some coffee, why don't you have a look around till she gets back?"

"Thanks, we will." Marion and Billy looked at the various bras that were on
display, "Honey, do you see anything here that you think you would like to
try on? I think that these are a little more adult oriented, but take a
look anyway. I doubt that they have training bras on display. Liz, do you
have any training bras?"

"Of course we do, let me show you what we have over here," as she pointed
to a display case. "Do you know what size?"

She looked at Billy and decided to jump in with both feet, "It's for my
son, here. He's wanting to see his feminine side and wants to wear a bra."

Liz looked at Billy and smile, "What's your name?"

"Billy?"

"No sweetie, your girl name?" Billy just stood there not expecting a
question like that. Liz could see the wheels grinding away in Billy's head,
"Haven't you chosen your girl name yet?"

"Uh, no?" Liz now looked at Marion with a quizzical look.

"Liz, we are just getting started down the slippery slope and we haven't
talked about a girl's name, yet."

"Well Billy, let's get you measured and see what size bra you need," she
said as she took the tailors tape that was hanging around her neck and
measured Billy's chest. "Hmm, looks like a 34 may fit the bill. Billy, why
don't you and your mother step into the fitting room and take off your
shirt and I'll bring you some samples."

Billy was kind of nervous as he removed his shirt because he had never had
to take it off when he was out in public. Luckily he was wearing a tee
shirt today and he slipped right out of it. Liza came into the dressing
room and held up a couple of training bras for him to see. Both were starch
white. "Do you have any other colors?" he asked.

"Yes, but let's just see how these fit you and then we can take a look at
some colored bras." Liz helped Billy put the bra on and made the necessary
adjustments to the straps so the bra would sit correctly on his flat chest.
The cotton cups were very soft to the touch as Billy reached up and slid
his fingers across the white material. Liz had him look at himself in the
mirror. "What do you think Billy? It looks like it fits you very well."

"The cups are pretty empty, huh?"

"Yes, but they are in the right place, and who knows, you might fill this
out very quickly if you are prescribed hormones."

"Can I try on the other one?"

"Honey child, I wouldn't let you out of here without trying it on. Let me
help you get this one off."

A couple minutes later Billy was wearing the other bra. Somehow, it fit
much better than the first one. His breasts we somewhat pushed into the
cups and he indeed did have a very modest pair of female breasts, but
barely. "Mom, what do you think?" Which one do you like the best?"

"Well honey, this is where you need to start thinking like a girl and
decide which one feels the best, on. Women wear a bra more hours than
not. You will be wearing it from when you get up until you go to bed. Some
women wear a bra 24 hours a day, but you will have to make that call
because you, and you alone, will have to decide what is right for you. Me,
I wear a bra from when I get up to when I go to bed, but I also wear a
sleep bra thru the night because I think it helps keep my breasts more
shapely. Speaking of which?" Just then the door bell rang and it was Judy
returning with some coffee.

"Liz, you around?"  "Yes, we're in the fitting room, be out in a sec."

"Take your time."

Marion stepped out and went to see Judy, "Hi Judy, how are you?"

"Oh Marion, I heard the sad new about your husband, I'm so sorry for
you. If there' anything I can do?"

"Thank you. I'm here to get Billy fitted for his first bra."

Judy cocked her head, "Really now?"

"He thinks he's a girl in a boy's body."

"Have you been to see anyone yet?" Marion just stood there. "A therapist?"

"No, this just came to light last night."

"I'll save you some time looking, go see Dr. Magnus, over in Chesterfield,
he's good. I have a lot of trans people who use him and the all speak very
highly of him. I'll get you the address before you leave. Is Liz taking
care of you ok?"

"Yes, she is." Just then Liz walked by and ducked back into the dressing
cubicle with a couple more bras in her hands. Marion though that she would
let Billy interact with her alone so he could get the experience. Just then
she could hear Billy say, "Cool!" When he put his shirt back on and came
out, he had a rather small, but noticeable pair of breasts because Liz had
him wear a pushup t-shirt bra with underwires. It wasn't ,much, mind you,
but to Billy, they were terrific, even if there were mostly foam. He like
the fact that he didn't have to wear the pads that his mother had to make
him, sort of, resemble a girl.

"Billy, I can just imagine what you will look like all made up, and
everything," quipped Liz. "Now, you just need to work on that name!"

"Mom, what do you think?" asked Billy as he turned so his mother could see.

"Honey you look, just lovely!" After about another hour of trying on more
bras, Billy decided to get the pushup bra so that he would have at least a
small pairs of boobs. A hundred fifty dollars later Marion and her son left
the lingerie shop. Billy had made a new friend in Liz and he would come
back often to see her and get more lingerie.

A week or so later, Marion had made an appointment to see Dr. Magnus, but
by herself, first. When she saw him, he was this thirty-something guy with
shoulder length blonde hair and wore a blue Hawaiian shirt.

"Mrs. Clifton, won't you please come in and have a seat please." After some
chit chat, he asked, "How may I help you?"

"My son thinks he is in the wrong body and I would like to have you help
him with that, if you have time."  "Mrs. Clifton, I'm seeing more and more
of these kids and yours is not the first case of gender disphoria I have
treated. Tell me, how long has your son had these feelings?"

"For me, a few weeks, but he says that he's felt different for a long
time."

"Has there been any major changes in your, or his life lately?"

"Yes? my husband passed very recently."

"Hmm, can you tell me a little about that?" Marion opened up and told the
Doctor about his drinking, the bar fight, and how Billy would hide in her
closet when he went on Thomas went on these binges, as they were. "Was
Thomas much of a father to Billy, or was he somewhat distant to him?"

"Somewhat distant to him. He would come home and pretty much keep to
himself when he wasn't drinking, that is. He never idolized his son or paid
much attention to him as he was growing up."

"Did Billy tend to have a more emotional bond with you? I mean, did he tend
to hang around you when you were home?"

"Yes, I was a stay-at-home mom, and now that you mention it, he did not
generally let me out of his sight much. Is that important?"

"By itself, sort of, but in the bigger picture - very. How about his
friends?"

"Billy doesn't have too many friends. He says that he has a couple of girls
that he talks to a t school, but as far a boy friend's and going out to
have fun, not so much." This conversation went on for nearly another 40
minutes and it was decided that Billy should come see him every other week
for a series of six sessions and then reevaluate where Billy was going. The
Doctor told Marion that he should be able to see where Billy's head was and
would then make other recommendations at the six week point. She thanked
the Doctor and made an appointment for her son two days later. Marion was
asked to bring Billy, but wait in the car until each session was finished
and she was told that she would be asked to set-in when needed.

Billy was excited that he was going to go see the Doctor and this was s
surprise to Marion as she thought that he would kind of resist
initially. The drive to Chesterfield takes the better part of 20 minutes,
or so. and Billy didn't have much to say, his mother just thought that he
was keeping it bottled up for the Doctor. When they got there, she told him
she would be back in a hour.

"But mom, shouldn't you be there?"

"No honey, this is something that you have decided to do and you will have
to learn how to deal with it all by yourself. Sorry?" Billy looked up at
her and just smiled because he did know that he had brought this all upon
himself and he would have to face it head on!

"Hi William, or is it Billy? My name is Peter Magnus, but you can call me
Pete, if you want." asked the Doctor.

"I go by Billy."  "Can you describe why you are here today, Billy?"

"I think so? I think I'm in the wrong body, you know?"

"Ok, that's a start, but what specifically is it that makes you feel this
way? Does your mother make you feel like this, or someone else, what?"

Billy described his earlier youth and how he would just cower when his
father was around and often hide in his mothers cloths closet. But, he
didn't have the right words to describe why he felt like a girl instead of
a boy, he just knew that there was something different about him.

"Billy, what would you do if you couldn't dress like a girl, I mean how
important is that too you? I noticed that you are wearing a bra today."

"I would just die, or something. My boy clothes don't feel right on my body
now that I sometimes wear girls clothes. I don't know, it just seems to
feel right for me. I can't wait to get home to change."

"I understand that you have just recently started wearing girls
clothes. Can you tell me about the things that you wear?" This discussion
went on for some 10 minutes. "Billy, do you have any feeling about your
father that you would share with me. I find it useful to see what kind of
relationship people have or had with their parents." Billy told Pete about
how his father would drink until he got drunk, and that was most of the
time, and how he would always wind up in his mothers closet touching her
clothes and humming loudly to block out the noise of his father. He had
come out a few times to find his mother in a heap on the floor and his
father gone to get more beer. "You feel pretty close to your mother?"

"Yes, and I want to please her and make her happy. It used to be an unhappy
time in our house, but now it's different, she's a lot happier now, and so
am I. I just knew that if my father ever found out about the way I truly
felt, he would have killed me, or something. He was a mean drunk."

"Billy, where do you see yourself in a year? Five year? Ten years?"

"I see myself living life as a girl, full time in the next year and the
same for the rest. I have no doubts about who I am, but I'm not a boy. If I
could have an operation tomorrow, I would be the happiest person on the
planet!"

"Ok, let me tell you about the operation and the legal requirements that
have to be met. Do you know anything about the operation and what it's
called?"

"Not really, the health teacher talked about the difference between
crossdressing and trans, something or the other, or is it transvestites?."

"Well good, at last you were paying some attention to the presentation. A
crossdresser is a person who presents themselves as the opposite sex, in
your case - male to female. A lot of people crossdress because it fills a
need and desire to be female, as in your case. They live pretty normal
lives, but there is this need. Transvestites are men who live a females
24/7, 365 days a year. The do not have their male parts removed because
they have an emotional need for them. They haven't made a total commitment
to make the crossing into womanhood. Transsexuals are those brave souls
that have decided that they are female and NOT male and make the trek by
getting what's called a sexual reassignment by having their plumbing
changed. The operation usually involves taking the penis and inverting it
to make something called a neo-vagina and the scrotum is used to fashion a
labia majora and minora. Don't worry about trying to remember all of this,
I'm going to give you a couple of pamphlets on sexual reassignment surgery
or SRS. The process you are about to enter will take at least a year, at a
minimum, but it could be a few years depending on your ability to adjust to
the female way of life."

"What's the longest?"

"I have one patient that has been traveling for three years and is still
not there, yet. Most cases are usually completed within 12-15 months,
though. The biggest part of the process is living as a female for at least
a year. We feel that within that year you should have encountered the
majority of problems that you should encounter and work your way thru. You
will find out just what it's like to live the female way of life. There are
perks and then there are disappointments that you will just have to
experience, then we can see how you handle each hurdle and then make the
recommendation for SRS. You notice that I didn't have your mother here
today, it's important that you see and experience things solo. You don't
want to have to rely on your parent for the rest of your life. If you look
at the animal kingdom, the young are almost always driven off to go lead
their own lives. It's succeed or fail out there. Humans are about the only
species that keeps an attachment to their children for a lifetime. As a
therapist, I want to see you become independent of your parents and be able
to handle whatever problems and joys that you encounter by yourself. Can
you imagine what it would be like to be suddenly transported to another
place and have to rely on your own wits to make it?" For a lot of people,
they just don't get it and would soon fail, but being able to make good
judgment calls always trumps the other. Billy, I've talked about a whole
bunch of things here, we've got about another 10 minutes, do you have any
questions for me?"

"Not right now, but I'm going to make a list for when I come back after I
read your materials. I didn't realize that there were several different
ways to live as a female. The SRS thing, can it b reversed?"

"No Billy, it cannot. You could have your breasts removed, but as for the
other plumbing, once it is repurposed, it can never be reassigned -
ever. That's why the whole process to transition take a long time to
complete because you have to be sure about this. Unfortunately, I have had
a couple of people who transitioned, but wanted to return to being a male
and they couldn't."

"What happened to them?"

"They committed suicide, unfortunately. That always makes me sad when they
do. This is a decision that has to be taken very seriously. I would rather
see you take several years to make the right decision then the wrong
one. In the case of pubescent youth, we like to see the transition once
they have become an adult. I had one young person that just knew that he
had to make the change and didn't want to wait. He went to Thailand and got
the surgery and a year later wanted to be changed back because he had made
the wrong decision and wanted to e a man, after all. He died about six
months ago from a gun short to the head, self inflicted of course. Very
sad. Is there anything else Billy?"

"Just one more, should I change my name to something more feminine?"

"That's your call to make kiddo. I would say this however, that a female
name is more appropriate for girls. You could still stay Billy, but spell
it B-I-L-L-I-E. Okay, that's it for today. I'll see you in a couple of
weeks and here is the literature that I want you to read and make your list
of question for next time, ok?"  "Yes, thank you Pete, until next time?"

On the ride home, Billy was a chatter box about his session and about the
choices he had to become a girl. Marion thought that she would take Billy
home so he could change and then take him shopping for a few things because
it was time for him to start wearing his own things. Still, she had some
doubts, and to that end she would take Billy to the thrift store and let
him choose things that he would want to wear. Maybe the thrift store wasn't
the best place, but it would be a thrifty way to indulge Billy, at least
for now. The rest of the afternoon was spent going to several thrift shops
so Billy could find the things that he thought that he would like. Another
trip to the lingerie shop was in order so Billy could get some pantyhose
and tights. His male appendage was in need of some attention as well and
would require some sort a panty girdle or a gaff to conceal the good, so to
speak.

"Billy, we are going to go get you a panty girdle so it will hold you in,
if you get my drift. Girls don't have to deal with that sort of thing, but
you do if you want to indeed look more feminine, especially if you want to
wear something like workout clothes. They are very clingy and you don't
want to stick out, understand?" Billy knew what she was talking about and
got a couple of girdles that would keep his secret well hidden. "Do you
want to go by the drug store and get an ice cream cone, honey?"

"That's sounds great mom, sure." When the got there, they both kind of went
their separate ways and when Marion caught up with her son, he was in the
makeup isle.

"Find anything interesting, yet?"

"Yeah, there is a box of different color eye shadows and looks kind of
neat." Billy picked it up and showed it to his mother.

"Ooo, that does look interesting, do you want to get it? How about some
lipsticks too?"

"Can I get a couple, please?"

"Well yeah, what's a bunch of new eye shadows without some lipsticks, too!"
she laughed. It was really nice to see Billy with a smile on his face these
days. "How about some new earrings sweetheart? Maybe we can get your ears
pierced one of these days."

"Yeah, maybe, but I think I like the clip-on's better. I think it would
just hurt too much to get them pierced."

"Your choice, but there are a lot more options when you have pierced ears."

"Thanks mom, but I'll pass right now."

"Well, let's get going, you've got a fashion show to put on later.

Billy had picked out several things during his excursion, there was a black
bustier and a black and gray skirt, a sleeveless teal color pencil dress, a
strapless pink dress that came down to nearly his knees, a white almost
see-thru blouse with long sleeves, and a couple more short skirts. In the
shoe departments, he found a pair of yellow ballet flats that had a bow on
the toe, a pair of 2" black and white pumps with a wide heel, a pair of 3"
black high heels with a flared out heel, and a pair of 3" peep-toe
espadrilles with black laces. All in all, a good haul for a hundred bucks!

The fashion show was lots of fun because Marion also found a few things and
they were giddy as a couple of school girls at a slumber party. The white
top with Billy's black bras looked fabulous as you could just about see the
bra. The 3" espadrilles looked really cute on him as well as the black 3"
high heels with a pair of red tights and the black skirt. The two spent at
least two hours trying on the various pieces and then trading them off to
see how they looked on each other. The bustier and gray and black skirt
made Marion loot at least 10 years younger. They both sampled the eye
shadows and lipsticks and relished their applications and how outrageous
they could make themselves look. This was a girls party gone wild!

At the end of the sixth meeting with Doctor Magnus, it was decided that
Billy would start his hormone therapy, but before he did, he would undergo
a bilateral orchiectomy to remove his testicles. Before the operation, he
would have to bank some of his sperm as insurance that if he ever wanted to
father children. Billy knew about masturbation and would be able to provide
the sperm so that it could be frozen. The actual day of collection was kind
of a screwed up day because the young nurse at the collection site was not
prepared for a 14 year old boy to come in a leave a deposit. An older and
more experienced nurse had to take over and take Tommy to one of the
collection rooms and tell him about the magazines and videos that were
available to him. Of course, none of that was necessary because Billy was
finished within about 5 minutes and handed in the jar containing his seeds
of life. It would be a mystery as to where the sperm would ever be used and
how potent it would be because of his age. Not much would be know about his
IQ and how/or how the young banked sperm would integrate with that special
egg to produce a child.

Dr. Magnus had a somewhat lengthy discussion with Billy before the
orchiectomy to make sure that he understood why this operation was
necessary to eliminate testosterone from his boy so that the female
hormones could start to make the necessary changes to his body that would
cause his feminization. Of course there were the questions about his boobs
and how large they would get, but the revelation about the redistribution
of body mass was all news to him, even after reading the pamphlets. He
found out that his bottom would get larger and he would probably lose what
little muscle mass he had. The day of the operation was at hand and Billy
wasn't all that nervous, but his mother was. She was still having trouble
comprehending that her son was going to get neutered like a dog and would
probably never father her own natural grandchildren. That was the hardest
part to try and let go of.

The operation was performed at a local doctors office as an out-patient
surgery because of the nature of the process. Many a vasectomy has been
done this way and for many years. Billy was given a mild sedative that kind
of knocked him out for the 10 minutes that the surgery would take. The
doctor was somewhat reluctant to do this kind of surgery on such a young
individual, but was reassured that it was necessary by Dr. Magnus that it
was a more of a psychological, than physical necessity. But in this case,
they went hand in hand.

When Billy woke up he was having a lot of stomach cramps and was doubled
over on the gurney.

"Damn, that hurts!"

"Can you get my son something for the pain, nurse?"

"The doctor has given him what he feel is necessary and any more, right
now, would be dangerous. You are just going to have to tough it out Billy,
but the pain will subside within the next couple of hours, or so. Hang in
there kiddo!"

Sure enough, a couple hours later, Billy did start to feel better, much to
his mother's relief. Dr. Magnus told Billy that he could go and make the
change from Male to Female on any of his legal documents and this pleased
him to no end. Now, he would never be known as a Male, ever again. This one
event was a game changer for Billy because for him, he was more than half
way to the end goal. Of course that goal was to become a fully functional
woman. Billie was thoroughly enthralled with the loss of his gonads because
it made him look so lean and trim in that area, beside he could still get a
hard on that looked spectacular and even larger than he really was! The job
of getting himself off was almost a thing of the past because he was one of
the unlucky few that that sensation was forever lost, for the moment.

During the next few months Billie would change his name to Beatrix and be
known as Bea. The biggest change while taking hormones was his temperament
because it would swing wildly from highs to very deep lows and this was
having an unexpected consequence - the need for liquor to suppress the
erratic emotions. Marion was frantic at the thought that Bea would become
an alcoholic like father. The hopeful cure was to shoot him up with Anabuse
that would make him violently sick when he drank. Between the
endocrinologist and the alcohol addiction center there was a flurry of
activity to try and save Bea from herself. One of the things that kind of
made the turning point was when Bea met her surgeon that would perform her
SRS.

Dr. Beck was a flying sex change doctor that would go from city to city to
perform sexual reassignments of his patients. When he met Bea, he wasn't
surprised by his age. He had performed over 100 surgeries on young adults,
but he did draw the line when patients did come to see him that were less
than 10 years old. He thought that kids shouldn't be allowed to make that
kind of a life changing event because they didn't really know who they
were, even at 15, he was still kind of conflicted. Bea had turned 15 about
a month ago and Dr. Beck would conduct his own interview with these younger
patients and their parents to make sure that what they were doing was truly
in their best interest. He had actually turned down several patients that
he thought were not mentally stable or ready for the transition. When he
met Bea, he had already spoke to her mother and found out about the alcohol
problem and to that end had to have a heart to heart with her. "Bea, I
understand that you are in a treatment program for your alcohol problem, is
that correct?"

"It's not a problem unless I make it one," was her flippant response. The
good doctor sat there and frowned.

"Listen Bea? you had better get yourself cleaned up and sober or I, or
anyone else, will NOT perform you're your surgery. You think that just
because you are on a hormonal rollercoaster that is gives you the right to
screw.. no, make that fuck up your life before it has even begun. Do you
understand me, shit for brains? Just who in the hell is your
endocrinologist, anyway I want to talk to him get his ass straighten
out. He has your progesterone meds all screwed up. When was the last time
you were in for a full blood test?"

Bea just sat there stunned that someone would get in her face like
that. Since her father died, there was no one to do that for her, and right
now she needed a big kick in the ass to get her straightened out and back
on the right path. He was sick and tired of all these modern doctors who
used flowery words to try and trick people into making intelligent
decisions with psychobabble. God, did he miss the days of spanking a child
to get their undivided and instant attention to a problem. This sudden
flurry of words was like a sucker punch to Bea and it was having the kind
of effect that he was hoping for. "I'm sorry doctor? I think my meds are a
mess right now and I would appreciate your intervention to get them
straightened out. I guess I was using alcohol as a crutch to get me thru
this. I can see now that I was wrong and seeking advice and companionship
from a bottle. I see I was wrong."

"Listen, you kids seek the easy way out of things, you are kids and that's
what kids do, I get that. But, you are getting ready to make the ultimate
trek into what is now, probably, some familiar territory, but believe me,
there's a whole new world out there and it's the pearl in your oyster. You
are going to have to be in complete control because once you make the
light-speed jump, you can never go back. You have to be crystal clear and
definitely sure about your decision. Alcohol will keep you in a fog and you
will make errors in your judgment and you will forever go off course until
you run aground and die. Listen, I'm not only here to get you from one
point to another, but I'm here to see that you are mentally capable and
willing to accept the gift that you are about to experience. Bea, you are
one of the very few, but lucky people who will experience the true
satisfaction of living two lives - one as a man, the other as a woman. I
truly envy you because I don't think I could make the quantum leap. As a
transgendered woman, you will have the distinct luxury of having a man's
left-brain thinking and the body of a beautiful woman to make intelligent
decision about your life and the things that you do with it."

Bea just sat there taking this all in. It was like the past year of therapy
condensed down to this one conversation with Dr. Beck, and she liked
that. It was like someone threw a switch and she could see more clearly
then she had in weeks and she could now shed the alcoholic yoke from her
shoulders and toss it to the side of the road and get on with the things
that mattered the most to her. She didn't cry or anything, but she was
regrettably sorry for her actions and asked everyone to forgive her that
she had come into contact with. But, most of all she wanted to thank
Dr. Beck for verbally kicking her in the ass and waking her up.

Bea asked her mother out to dinner so that she could apologize to her and
tell her just how sorry she was, "Mom, Dr. Beck made me see how stupid I
was to go and seek answers from a bottle and I ask your forgiveness."

Marion was so overwhelmed with Bea's words that she broke down and
cried. Bea reached over and took her hand and kissed it and said she was
sorry once more, "I was so sure that I was going to lose you darling, you
don't know how happy I am right now. I just want you to get across the
finish line with this part of your life so that you can get on with the
rest of it, that's so important to me right now. I just hope that I didn't
say too many harsh word to you in the last couple of months."

"Shush, it was me who said the harsh words and like I said, I ask for your
forgiveness, mother."

"I will forgive you when you make your transition, and only them. I want
you to prove to me that you have, in fact, changed for the better. I
believe that Dr. Beck has made a change in you and I want to see you thru
your surgery. You have made good son, but I think you will make a much
better daughter, now that you have clarity in your life, once again. I just
want you to make me proud of you, now."

"Oh, mother I will. I promise!" said Bea as she took her mothers' hand and
kissed it once more.

A few weeks later Dr. Beck came back to St. Louis to perform Bea's surgery
and get her to the other side. The operation was text book as it gets and
there were no complications, just one very happy girl now laying in
recovery.