Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2000 19:30:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: Amy Brett
Subject: feelings

All the Feelings
by Amy Brett

     I met him at the partially opened door in the way he had told me he
wouldn't mind. His only real requirement was that the first time we met in
person, I had to be fully dressed in nice female clothing and with as much
of an attempt at makeup as I could achieve. Other than that, he would
accommodate most anything.
     "Hi," I said as he came fully into the living room and allowed me the
space to close and re-lock the door.
     "You're right," he said enigmatically. "Your face probably wouldn't
pass but your body is magnificent." At 5-7 and 130 pounds, my shape was
reasonably good except my waistline that was probably a little thicker than
most women's. Only the breast forms nestled in the bra made my chest look
feminine but simply shaving had made my legs look as good as any woman I'd
seen.  With the thigh high stockings holding them, they looked spectacular.
     My long brunette wig took care of that detail and the soft peasant
blouse and short skirt rounded out the illusion that all women used. White
strapped city pumps changed the shape of my calves and made me 3 inches
taller than normal. A high cut but soft sport panty effectively held my
softened secret back between my legs.
     My attempt at taking care of my face only included a thorough shave,
eyebrow pencil, a little mascara, and dark lipstick.
     I'd seen Bill's picture when we talked in the chats but his presence
was different. At about 6-2 and probably 200 pounds, he was much larger
than me. Generally, he was just a great deal more masculine.
     Muscular biceps and forearms, covered with dark hair, extended beyond
a short sleeved designer teeshirt with a collar and pocket. Tight, the
shirt showed off a muscular chest and just a moderate middle aged spread at
the waistline. Tan slacks with a solid crease covered larger hips and what
I was sure were equally muscular legs. Mocassin-like slip on shoes and
white socks finished out what I could see of his clothing.
     His face wasn't particularly good looking or even very noteworthy but,
smiling, he looked pleasant enough. His receding hair was black and
thick. His twinkling eyes were almost as dark as his hair and his mouth was
filled with sparkling white teeth. Though it was before noon, he already
had a slight 5 o'clock shadow.
     I'd stopped there at the door, trying desperately to figure out what
came next.
     "Would you like something ..." I began but, luckily, he took the
matter out of my hands.  Totally self-confident, he took a step toward me
and, foremost, I felt my personal space violated.  In a kind of defensive
way, I put my hands against his chest as I felt his close around the sides
of my waist. He wasn't in danger of being able to reach around me but I
felt how close his big hands got, his fingers almost to my spine and thumbs
squeezing softly into my stomach.
     This close, I could smell a little accumulated perspiration from the
drive, feel the hardness and mass of his chest, and really know how much
bigger he was than me as I looked up nervously into his eyes. He smiled as
he pulled my waist tight against him, turned his head slightly, and moved
his head close enough to kiss me.
     I felt the brush of his stubbly skin against mine as his lips touched
mine. Strange that my reaction should be a gasp but that's what it was. It
couldn't have been surprise but, in a few heartbeats, I realized that it
was and the cause of the surprise was how much I liked it. Shakily, I
lifted my hands to his shoulders removing the impediment to his being
solidly against me.
     His tongue probed gently at my already partially opened mouth, his
breath and mouth both reflecting either a breath mint or piece of candy. I
opened mine more and felt it move in much further as I turned my head and
shut my eyes. His hands left my waist, one moving to the base of my spine
and the other just below my neck. He moaned as my hand found the back of
his neck and held the kiss even more tightly. My mouth watered.
     My tongue explored his in my mouth and followed it back into his where
he sucked it with increasing fervor.
     I have no idea how long the kiss lasted. I do know that it was time
enough for him to explore my head and neck with one hand, stroke my back,
and finally explore the back of the skirt thoroughly. All I could do was
hold on to him, explore his neck and the back of his head, and gasp with
the pleasurable feelings his hands and mouth on me imparted.
     I also noticed his hardness pressing against my stomach and the pain
of my tucked maleness.
     Finally, he loosened his hold on me, wrapped his big hands around my
upper arms, pushed me away a little, and smiled.
     "I'm going to take my clothes off now," he said with a smile. "But all
I want you to do is refresh that makeup a little. Okay?" I nodded and
watched him lift his shirt over his head in a motion. He stopped, looking
at me from a few feet away, as I saw that his chest was every bit as
muscular and hairy as I'd expected. "Lipstick, sweetheart," he said as he
kicked off his shoes and started undoing his pants.
     Staring as I moved in the general direction of the bathroom, I saw him
uncover powerful, hairy legs and red underpants. Quickly, I slipped back
into the bathroom, adjusted the wig that had slipped back a little, looked
at my eyes that looked ok, and reapplied lipstick thickly.
     Returning to the living room, I stumbled as I saw him sitting on the
couch naked except for the short white socks, slowly stroking his
uncircumcised but still soft cock. It jutted up from a mass of black pubic
hair over large testicles.
     "Is this what you wanted, honey?" he asked me and, though my throat
had constricted to almost nothing, I squeezed out a yes.
     I walked across the room nervously, forgetting how I was dressed
completely, but staring at the flopping mass between his slightly spread
legs. Honestly, I had never seen an uncircumcised cock. I suppose, even as
a feminized guy, I shouldn't have been so fascinated with it. But I was
anyway.
     "Come and look then, honey," he said as if he was reading my
mind. Still not hard, he let go of it and it dropped between his legs. He'd
said he wasn't particularly big but I wondered if his idea of big was the
same as mine. As it was, it wasn't very big around but even soft and
completely hooded still, it was almost touching the seat of the couch
between his legs.
     I guess I proved how fascinated I really was as I found myself on my
knees as he spread his wider. His hands rested on his thighs as I stared at
it. Carefully, I took it in one hand, holding it more upright and seeing
the heavy, disproportionately large balls dangling loosely beneath it.
     Though starting to harden a little, the cock in my fingers was still
soggy soft and sheathed.  Truly interested, I moved the sheath back and saw
essentially the same thing I saw when I looked at my own. Maybe this way
the head was a little more flared than mine but not much thicker.
     Impulsively, I rose a little further onto my knees and took the entire
soft mass into my mouth.
     "Oh god," he gasped and stiffened. Soft, it was entirely inside my
mouth with my lips around the base as my fingers explored the unbelievably
large balls. His body stiffened, his thighs vibrating, as I licked at the
mass in my mouth. He moaned and made incomprehensible sounds.  Slowly, it
hardened, unfolding itself and forcing me further up on him until my tongue
could trace the shape of the unsheathed head with about half of its length
outside my lips.
     Sitting back again and taking it in my hand, I now had a full view of
it hard. The head, that could still be partially sheathed in loose skin
when I moved my hand up far enough, was half again as large as the shaft at
the flared lower edge. At the same time, it was unusually long from the
pointed tip to the flare. The shaft wasn't much thicker than mine but,
hard, curved up toward his stomach and was at least 7 inches - at least 2
inches longer than mine.
     When I put my mouth back over the tip, his hands went to the back of
my head and pressed down. I forced myself back away and looked up at him.
     "You can pet my hair or do whatever to my shoulders, but please don't
push me down on it. I have to get used to it on my own, okay?" I asked. He
nodded.
     Again, I put my mouth over the flared head and used my tongue to
stimulate it as my hand moved the loose skin up and down along his
shaft. The texture of it was different from anything I could remember, the
taste was neutral but just slightly slippery, and the smell was unlike
anything I could remember. None of it was the least unpleasant. To get a
better angle, I turned my head down and put my hands on his hips. Sucking,
I could move down his length until it touched the back of my mouth before
moving back up to the tip.
     "Oh, baby! Oh, honey! Don't stop! God!" he moaned as his center moved
up and down to fuck my mouth.
     I took it in my hand, stroking it, and sat back away slightly.
     "Is this the way you want to cum first?" I asked him.
     "Oh yeah, baby! I'll do anything if you'll finish it," he moaned.
     "You're not going to be all done, are you?"
     "Not even close," he said with a chuckle.
     I wasn't sure I wanted him to cum in my mouth but it was sort of an
"in for a dime, in for a dollar" kind of thing. What the fuck! I might as
well do it all if I was going to do any of it.
     Knowing better than any woman what feels the best, I gently massaged
his big balls as I stroked his length and sucked on the tip, moving up and
down over the top half of his length. I moved my hand around it faster than
I moved my head up and down and was rewarded with his moans and hunching
and groans. Careful to accommodate me, his hands roughly massaged my
shoulders with an occasional stop at the back of my neck. He obviously
didn't trust himself to stroke my hair.
     "Oh! Oh! Oh! Ahhhhhh!" came out of his mouth as he tensed and shot
into my mouth.
     My first inclination was to gag and be violently ill with the mass of
fluid that filled my mouth and, I'm sure, I did somewhat because quite a
lot coated my hand on his shaft. But then I really sucked on it and
swallowed what I sucked out of it. The initial shot had been too much but
after that it wasn't bad. In fact, it tasted pretty good even if it was
just the slightest bit bitter.
     Frozen for a moment, one of his hands squeezed my shoulder almost
painfully while the other stroked my hair as he hadn't dared
before. Licking a little, I finished sucking him dry and trying to clean up
some of the mess. Sitting back, I licked his cum off my hand where I'd lost
it at first. He looked at me through unnaturally shiny eyes and moaned as
he saw me do that.
     "I guess you liked it ok, huh?" I asked and he smiled broadly.
     "Oh yeah. That was the best."
     He chuckled.
     "Give me a second to catch my breath and I'll show you how good it
was." I got up, sat down on the couch next to him, and let him gently hug
me as I tried to be at least moderately ladylike, pulling the skirt down as
far as it would go, and crossing my legs at the knees.

***

     For quite a while, he lounged back on the couch with his arms up
around his head on the back, his legs spread about as far as when I was
between them, and my hand explored the hair of his thigh. For a moment, I
wondered if he'd fallen asleep. But, as I became truly concerned that he
had fallen asleep, he threw his arms forward in an exaggerated effort to
get up that took him to his feet in an almost startling hurry.
     "Ready?" he said as he reached for my hand. I wasn't sure "ready" for
what but didn't care. He'd said it was my turn. As I got up with his help,
he twisted and put his hand behind my knees, lifting me into his arms. I'd
once tried that with a girl and, though I'd succeeded, it had practically
killed me. As I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck to keep from being
dropped, he effortlessly carried me across the room, into the hallway, and
(I blushed) into my bedroom.
     "Lubricant, honey?"
     "Uh yeah. In the night stand," I said, twisting in his arms to look
toward it. He nodded and very gently sat me down on the edge of the bed.
     It didn't take him more than seconds to find the lubricant. I just
watched as he took it from the drawer and sat it down on the bed next to
me. Kneeling down in front of my modestly crossed knees, he looked into my
eyes and grinned.
     "You're going to like this a lot. Promise," he said
softly. "Now. You're not going to take anything but your panties off. Do
you want to do it or do you want me to?" I loved his smile.
     Honestly, I want to admit I was completely undecided and, because of
that, didn't move.  It wasn't like an earthshattering decision. I just
didn't want to make it. He nodded, smiled, and leaned forward. His hands
went along the outsides of my thighs under the skirt and found the flimsy
waistband of my panties.
     I didn't really help him as he got a firm grip on the nylon until his
hands went to my bottom, pushing the panties down as far as possible while
I sat on them. I lifted slightly, expecting him to pull the panties out
from under me but totally surprised when his fingers met at the top of my
ass crack and very slowly moved the panties and fingers down across it
until the panties were below my ass cheeks and his fingers had brushed
across my anus.
     I uncrossed my knees and watched him grinning as he slowly pulled the
panties the rest of the way to my calves and then, more jerkily, down to my
ankles. I lifted one foot so he could take the panties the rest of the way
off. I was panting.
     "I want you right on the edge of the bed now. Just lay back and enjoy
it, okay?" I did as he suggested, laying back and letting him guide me
closer to the edge. Having my feet on the floor bent my back a little
uncomfortably I noticed as his hands brushed my stocking covered calves.
My knees were modestly held together as his hands stroked along the sides
then around to the back of my knees and back down to my ankles two, three
times. All I could do was lay back, staring blindly at the ceiling and
feeling the goose bumps roam up and down my legs.
     When his hands went up the back of my thighs, all the feelings
intensified and peripherally I noticed that I had to open my mouth to get
enough air into my lungs. Almost protectively, my hands moved to the blouse
covering my stomach though I wasn't protecting anything. Getting my eyes to
focus, I looked down across my body and saw his smiling face as he looked
back at me, his hands going up the back side of my thighs to the short
skirt before his touch intensified 10 fold as the fingers touched bare
skin.
     The difference in the direct touch of his fingers was so great, I
gasped and my eyes lost focus. To enjoy it thoroughly, I closed my eyes and
lay my head back on the bed. His fingernails scraped back down across the
bare skin at the sides of my thighs. Only my closed legs kept my hardness
from tenting up the skirt now.
     The cooler air of the room notified me that his hands had lifted the
sides of the skirt before moving downward, back up the fronts of my thighs,
down onto the stockings, up, down to the tops of the stockings, up. I knew
then that the skirt was bunched at my waist.
     "That's so cute," he said breathily. "It looks like a pussy that
way. Mmmm. A shaved pussy." Embarrassed and very nervous, muscles vibrated
through me. I gasped and sucked for air as I felt him kiss at the very
conjunction of my legs, to the top of the base of my hidden cock.  Three
more kisses had similar effects at the conjunction of each thigh to the
sides then the top of my pubic area.
     "Now I want to see it. I want to see your little clit. Your clit and
your pussy. Let me see now." His voice was a whisper. Barely more than a
sigh. I opened my legs.
     From experience, I knew then when I'd been tucked as I had been, and
no matter how turned on I was, it was still mostly soft when I freed
it. His soft chuckle told me that was what he saw now.
     "Beautiful," he said in that same soft voice. It almost sounded
worshipful. His hands moved to the insides of my knees, pushing them wider
until I was forced to move my feet further apart. "That's it, honey. Show
me."
     His fingers edged up to the insides of my thighs at the tops of the
stockings and made me shiver with anticipation of his actually touching
me. I knew he was going to but I didn't expect it at all when he took my
cock completely into his wet mouth. Though I didn't immediately recognize
it, my reaction was to raise my legs and spread them even wider as I loudly
gasped with pleasure.
     His mouth wetly left me as he sat back and lifted my comparatively
tiny testicles. I cringed as his finger brushed across my anus.
     "What a darling little pussy," he said. The word "darling" had never
crossed my mind and particularly in association with what he was so softly
touching. He explored that part of me that had never been touched directly
by anyone but a doctor (then with rubber gloves) but went on talking in
that almost worshipful voice. "We'll have to thoroughly explore this, of
course, but I think we have to drain the first needs first so we can spend
a little time."
     The way his finger brushed so gently over my tiny tight opening and
the wild feelings that roared through my head didn't allow me to grasp what
he was saying at all. If I'd actually been listening to myself, I might
have been embarrassed by the whimpering and little squeals.
     His finger, joined by a couple more, stroked along my ass crack
lightly as I felt his tongue lapping at my tightly drawn up balls that
seemed to want to crawl up inside me. Totally outside the raging feelings
of what he was doing, I could feel the wet tongue contacting the individual
pubic hairs that I couldn't shave off as I had those on my tummy
higher. Each hair seemed to be a tiny trigger to its own personalized set
of nerves.
     Completely hard now, the way my cock jumped off my shaved stomach with
each triggered reaction was a little distracting from my feeling completely
female but I forgot it completely as he sighed, "I love eating pussy," and
moved his tongue's attentions to my sensitive anus.
     Using just the tip, he teased it. I felt as well as heard his wet his
tongue before returning it to the closed opening of my body. I could only
squirm as his fingers held my scrotum up out of his way while he tickled
the bunched muscle. His breath caressed through the hairs there that I
couldn't see but could certainly feel.
     I heard myself whimper as I bent my knees and drew them very close to
my chest.  Incongruously, I hoped I wouldn't inadvertently kick him with
one of the high heels that hovered near the points of his
shoulders. Certainly it would have happened when I felt his tongue harden
and press like a tiny cock into the opening. I know I squealed.
     "Ohhhhh!" escaped me as his tongue opened me more and continued to
explore. His hand was holding my bounding cock against my skin as well as
holding my testicles out of his way. The touch of his lips in a wet kiss -
a french kiss - made me arch again. I tried to relax the tight muscle for
him as his teeth touched the sensitive skin. The tongue continued to probe
while all I could do was gasp and sigh and squirm under his
ministrations. The reactions to his long exploration of me that way were
slow enough that I almost didn't hear his comment for the blood surging
through my ears.
     "I'm going to finger fuck you while I lick your little clitty," he
said. His mouth away from me, I felt his finger in a slick moistness across
the tight pucker but it didn't register somehow.  "Just relax." My guess is
that he moved the finger away from me to apply more of the lubricant but I
truly didn't notice at the time. Then it was pressed against the tiny,
unused opening.
     I stared at the red and black of the inside of my eyelids as my total
concentration went to what he was touching with the tip of his finger. I
didn't know that he was splitting his concentration between the finger and
its goal with looking up my feminized and sluttily available body.
     I clearly felt the tip of his finger open and slide into me. Maybe it
was a fractional inch and maybe it was to the first knuckle before it
twisted to one side and then the other. I held my breath.
     However much was in me, it retreated (I'm sure to gather more
lubricant) and re-entered until I felt the skin stretching as a drier part
of his finger pulled at it.
     Though I wasn't thinking about it at all, I should say that I have a
small butt plug that I've had all the way in me a few times as well as
having sat on a beer bottle twice at the suggestion of people I was
chatting with on-line. Being opened that way was not an unpleasant
experience even under those cold conditions, but there were three major
differences. Unlike those things, his finger was warm and, in a way, not as
noticeable. It was also rougher than the smooth surfaces of glass or
plastic. And finally no bottle or plug moved inside independently.
     I squealed again as he moved the tip inside me slightly.
     Then he began slowly twisting it from side to side while pressing in,
pulling back, pressing in, and pulling back. I felt the fingers on either
side of it contact the skin outside as he squirmed the middle finger around
my insides to feel everything.
     "That's it, honey. Love it," he whispered as he fingered me. Used to
the feel of it then, I felt disappointment as he stopped moving it in me
and slowly pulled it back to the entrance. I gulped at a total lack of
saliva in my panting mouth as he paused with it just inside me. I'm sure
now that he was adding an even more considerable amount of lubricant for
the second before I felt him press inward again. A considerable increase in
pressure - not really pain - told me that he was sliding a second finger
into me beside the first.
     Twisting and turning the combined mass, he moved them further and
further into me until I once again felt his knuckle against the skin
outside. At once, I felt his thumb stroking or pinching the flesh between
my legs against the embedded fingers as the fingers spread and curled and
stroked at my prostate. This wasn't anything like a doctor's examination
and sent zinging assaults of almost untouched nerves every bit as sensitive
as those in the head of my cock or anywhere else on my body. Maybe there
are nerves that register pain to a greater extent than these deeply buried
ones, but I don't know of any that could rival registered pleasure and
clearly and completely.
     I felt his lips take the tip of my cock - my clitty - and his busy
tongue moved on it even as his fingers began squirming and moving in and
out of my ... pussy. I'm sure the way my body humped instinctively would
have been a real turn-on looked at from outside but honestly I didn't
notice it. My entire body was reacting to the combination of his fingers
fucking me and his lips and tongue moving on my clit.
     I didn't have any warning from my body as, simultaneously, it
clenched, everything behind my eyelids turned to flames, and the most
wonderful of all feelings slammed through my lower body.
     Some indeterminate time later, I heard his lips smacking wetly as he
sucked hard on my cock tip, his fingers still moving gently in and out of
my ass.
     My eyes almost stuck together with wetness, my body relaxed from the
wild orgasm and I looked down my body to see my splayed knees and the high
heels resting on his back, nearly touching.

***

     He didn't stop what he was doing, though the movements had slowed
considerably, as my shaky hand went to the back of his soft hair.
     "You liked that," he said unnecessarily as I closed my eyes and laid
my weak head back onto the bed.
     "Mmmm," I mumbled, the answer obvious but beyond me. Still inside me,
his fingers squirmed while his other hand moved thumb and two fingers to my
softening cock to stroke me slowly.
     "I think we're both ready now," he said. "Thanks to how hot you are,
I'm ready for sure.  And I think you'll be able to last, too."
     I took a deep shuddering breath and slowly sighed it back out. At that
moment, I couldn't have cared less what he was talking about. In fact, I'm
sure I didn't know what he was talking about or even pass it through my
slowly churning mind. He chuckled at my obvious never-never land attitude.
     "Well, I'd love to feel those sweet breasts against me." Breast forms
actually. "And I want to kiss you. But I think the first time, it might be
better from behind. So the only question is whether you're limber enough to
lay flat or if you want to be on your knees."
     Responding in deep way that really didn't involve my thought processes
to the extent they should have been involved, I lifted one foot off his
shoulder and turned to the side. I would have been totally content to just
fall asleep like that. Maybe a nap.
     Far off, I heard him apply the lubricant to himself though I wasn't
thinking clearly enough to recognize the sound or care.
     Like some kind of doll, he lifted me with hands on my waist. The
extent of my help was to turn one shoulder so my body was straight, my head
turned and laying against the coverlet.
     I felt him touching and rubbing my ass crack but really didn't care at
that moment. If he wanted to finger me, it was more than all right with
me. I'd enjoyed what he'd done to me and was ready to at least passively
accept what came next. I wasn't thinking well at all.
     Of course I felt him press against that opening he'd so recently
explored. Somehow, I knew what he was doing. I just wasn't reacting. Not
hindering in the least, I certainly wasn't helping. His hand steadied my
hip, the other doing ... something else. Of course, what it was doing was
guiding his considerable hardness to my little open, relaxed hole.
     His other hand went to my other hip, holding me in place, as I felt
him slowly but very steadily opening me. The feeling increased from a touch
to the gentle intrusion his fingers had showed me to something entirely
different. In fact, it edged slowly toward an almost panic filled
pain. Even as my mouth came open and the sparkles before my wide opened
eyes turned red, it popped into me. I squeaked.
     "That's it, baby. That's the hard part. It's okay now." I could feel
his body and his hands vibrating as he paused. But, as I gasped for air
again, he pressed forward and some of the pain returned.
     "Good, honey. That's it, baby," he chanted as he moved in and out
slowly. More in than out. "Oh yeah. Good." My body rocked back and forth
with his push further into me, moaning.
     "Uh," I heard from myself as his hard cock contacted something very
deep inside me. I cringed away from it though it didn't quite hurt. Just
uncomfortable. In response, I thought, he pulled it much of the way back
out before, equally slowly, pressing forward to the same point again. I
could feel his pubic hair tickling the back of my thighs.
     "That's it, baby. Take it all," he said. "You love it don't you?" he
continued with a chuckle. I didn't answer but I did love it.
     The feeling was far beyond anything in my experience. One second, as
he quickened his movements slightly, it contacted that furthest extent
uncomfortably before the flared head dragged across all parts of my
prostate and out almost to my spread opening. Cringing away from that
uncomfortable furthest extent, I soon found myself pressed against the bed,
his weight on my back and mouth close behind my ear, panting with me.
     Now his chest, supported on elbows, pressed against my back while his
middle humped up and back into me. He was moaning against my ear in time
with his strokes as both quickened.
     "Oh, fuck," he said in a sigh. "Uh uh uhhhhhhh."
     His body tightened and I felt him lengthen unbelievably into
me. Hot. And realized he'd cum inside me.
     After a moment of spasming orgasm, he stroked again in and out of me
slowly, draining himself into my depths with a grunt at each stop.

***

     I'm sure I stayed there on my stomach in that compromised position
longer than necessary. I really was in that blue wonderland of afterglow
that had absolutely nothing to do with my feelings for the guy who was
draining his bladder in the bathroom nearby or any consideration of
continuity.
     Actually, though it was nice of him, it didn't affect me much when he
dressed as I drained out a consider amount of fluids on my own in the
bathroom or that he stopped at the front door on our way back through the
house, obviously ready to leave. Pleased that he wanted to, I accepted his
arms around me, the gentle stroking of my back and skirt covered bottom,
and several long, lingering kisses that didn't contain the same sexual
connotations as the earlier ones. I liked his compliments of how I still
looked, interspersed with kisses, and how good our love making had been.
     Alone again, I relished the tingling of my ass and need to return to
the bathroom a couple of times, the memories of the evening's activities,
and his tentative promises of a rematch at some undetermined time in the
future. Did I want to do it again? Sure. Did I want to do it with him?
Sure. He'd been good. How would I feel if I never saw him again? Let's say
neutral. If it happened again, good. If it didn't, that was fine too.
     Whatever happened in the future, I'd still have the feelings.