Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2018 04:44:39 +0000 (UTC)
From: Chrissie
Subject: Navy Blue Cantrece II part 1

From the dawn of my earliest memories I have always thought that I was
meant to be girl. Outwardly I was just a boy, lanky with freckles who was
better than average at baseball, ice skating and math but inwardly I was a
girl. Nowadays trans issues are well addressed in the mass media but back
then in the early sixties not so much. I was confused and, so I thought,
alone. Gender dysphoric is the term I learned much later from reading
psychology books at the library. I grew up with 2 sisters and I was
obsessed with what they and the girls at school wore. I would pour over
Sears catalogs and my older sister's Seventeen and Vogue magazines under
the covers with a flashlight when I was supposed to be sleeping.

I started wearing tights and panties when I was around seven or eight. I
had gotten permission of sorts to wear a pair of my older sister's red
tights under my jeans when we went ice skating which was almost every
evening after school during the winter. I often wore them to bed too. They
got put in the laundry every week and they always appeared clean and folded
in my dresser somehow. I really admired how girls legs looked in black
tights and soon I aquired a a pair of black Danskins that were also my
sister's although I don't actually recall asking for them. Sometimes I
would wear them to school under my jeans, it just felt so right. I loved
looking down at my thighs after I put them on, seeing my skin shine through
the fabric. Sometimes I used to think that I really was a girl but these
thoughts confused me since I was also pretty good at baseball.

When I was around twelve the tights disappeared mysteriously from my
dresser drawers without anyone saying anything. I wasn't about to stop
wearing my favorite garments so I started sneaking instead, which added an
extra thrill. Around the same time I made the leap from opaque tights to
nylons since my sisters had started wearing them to church. The sheerness
and sheen obsessed me, I would daydream about girl clothes and especially
nylons all the time at school. Some of the girls in my class wore nylons to
school and I often overheard them talking to each other about wearing them,
much to my delight! My first experiences with trying on nylons were amazing
but this was still before I had made the erotic connection with wearing
girl clothes, That is not to say there weren't sensual overtones.

This was during the 60ies and pantyhose still had not yet become popular
even though I had seen ads for Little Secrets and other brands in my
sisters Seventeen Magazines. With nylons stockings came the need for some
way to hold them up. I was soon borrowing a garter belt from my older
sister's lingerie drawer and using it with proficiency. My younger sister
also had a pair of semi sheer lace pettipants where the waist band was like
a garter belt and the garters hung down inside the legs. The loose fitting
legs ended around mid thigh. Anyone else out there remember those? I
remember how absolutely fascinated I became, staring in the full length
mirror at my suntan nylon covered legs disappearing up under the edge of
the pettipants and seeing the darker reinforced stocking tops through the
translucient lacey material. I recall slowly sliding up the pettipants to
adjust and readjust the garter clips again and again.

Around this same age I also started getting the urge to dress completely as
a girl, even trying a little lipstick and perfume when possible. Previously
I had been mainly interested in tights and panties but now I was also
getting into shoes and dresses. When I was home alone which was quite often
I would dress up and gaze fondly at the cute girl in the mirror. I had
strange feelings that I wanted to be that girl at the same time as I knew
that I WAS that girl...weird. I'm sure most of you out there know exactly
what I mean. I was always very disappointed or shall I say melancholy when
I had to take everything off and put it away. I remember being green with
envy at my sisters and other girls who could wear girl clothes all the
time. Once when I was looking at myself in the mirror and crossing my legs
I suddenly became light headed and dizzy. I felt like I was going to
faint. A wave of incredible electricity surged through my body and I shook
with a pleasure that seemed to be centered between my thighs. At that
moment I was no longer a child. A few minutes later after the sensation
subsided I was filled for the first time with an inconsolable feeling of
guilt and shame which intesified when I looked at my image in the
mirror. As I undressed I also discovered a warm sticky mess in my sister's
panties. I vowed to myself that I would never dress up again but that vow
hardly lasted till the next day. Well you all know how that goes. Soon I
was making love to that long legged girl in the mirror on a regular basis,
even though it usually ended with feelings of shame.

All this time I thought I was being so careful putting all the clothes back
again, folded properly and in the right place but how could a ditsy
thirteen year old keep it all together? In retrospect I realize that my
sisters must have noticed some clothes out of place or wrinkled or
missing. Once just before Christmas I was looking at all the presents under
the tree and I spotted one particular package addressed to my oldest
sister. It was the right size and shape, I knew it had to be a pair of
nylons. I was so jealous! I snuck the package into my room and later that
night I carefully removed the wrapping paper. I was super excited to see it
was a package of smokey grey stockings that had a very appealing shimmer! I
knew I shouldn't but I couldn't help myself, I opened the package and slid
them out. They felt incredible to the touch and I immediately knew that I
had to wear them. Who was I to stand in the way of destiny? My older sister
was fifteen at the time and when I think about it now I can't imagine why
anyone would buy such adult looking nylons for such a young girl. Anyway
they were soon gracing my thirteen year old slender calf legs. They looked
and felt sensational on me! All good things must come to an end and after
admiring the shimmery sheen in the glow of my nightlight for as long as
possible I reluctantly slid them off.

I did my best to repackage them as they had been and then rewrapped them in
the Christmas paper and ribbon. The next morning I snuck it back under the
tree thinking no one would be the wiser. You ladies out there would be able
to tell when you opened a package of a "new" nylons if they had been worn
wouldn't you? Of course you could! Well my sister must have and she
apparently told my parents about it because it wasn't too long after the
holidays that I got caught.

One evening it was announced that my sisters were going to my Grandma's
across town to help her with something or other, my parents were going to
drive them and they'd be gone for some hours. I waited until the car left
the driveway and then went straight for the room my sisters shared. I
remember I selected a pink satin panty girdle with 4 garters. It had a
little satin rose on the waistband and I wore it quite often. I rumaged
through their stocking drawer, looking for the grey ones but I couldn't
find them. In fact I never saw them again after the first time I tried them
on. I settled for a pair of long sheer navy blue nylons, cantrece as I
recall, strange how those details stick in one's memory.  I also chose a
little filmy beige bra. I never stuffed my bra, big breasts were never a
thing for me. In the closet I took a white blouse and a navy blue pleated
skirt to complete the outfit. I started with the panty girdle, it was very
snug and kept everything in place. I sat on the bed and rolled up the navy
blue stocking and slid it up my leg being careful not to snag or pull too
hard. My sisters often wore navy blue nylons to church and I would stare at
their legs during the sermon, thinking about how nice sheer navy blue looks
on tanned legs.

I remember I especially liked to watch in the mirror as I stood to attache
the garters in back. It gave me a special feeling, like while I was
watching my front side my fingers were doing something secret behind
me...hard to explain. The sheer beige bra which belonged to my younger
sister came next and my nipples showed through in a way that turned me on
almost as much as wearing nylons. I usually made an effort to not get too
carried away so I buttoned up the blouse and put on the pleated skirt,
fastened the hooks at the waist, trying to avoid touching myself or looking
in the mirror too much before I was completely dressed. Shoes! Girls at
that time were wearing ballet slippers as everyday shoes. Not like toe
shoes but regular practice dance slippers, you know the type soft black
leather with a simple elastic strap over the instep, and my sisters were no
different, they wore them all the time. I found a pair that were my older
siste's in the closet.

I was sitting there on the edge of the bed putting on a slipper when I
heard to my shock and horror, footsteps coming up the stairs from the
basement! It was my father who had apparently planned this encounter. I
thought for sure he had left in the car with my mom and sisters.  I bolted
into the closet and closed the door behind me just as he came into the
room. There I was in the darkness, surrounded by the clothes that I knew
all too well and the scent of perfume, heart beating like a dove, trembling
with anticipation and fear, a thousand thoughts of shame and guilt mixed
with the incredible sensations of wearing girl clothes-..... and about to
be discovered by my dad! He opened the door to the closet and the light
flooded in. My cheeks were burning and thought I would cry but I
couldn't. A short involuntary sob was all that came out of me. I wanted to
disappear but the impulse to try and cover myself seemed futile. I felt my
knees shaking. He slowly looked me up and down. In the midst of my
humiliation and shame a little tiny part of me wondered if he didn't also
think that I looked cute. If he did he sure didn't show it but he didn't
say a single word. After what felt like an eternity he turned and went back
out of the room. I heard him trudge back downstairs. As I got udressed I
knew he was listening to my every move through the floor (it squeaked when
you walked on it). After putting everything away I went straight to bed and
cried myself to sleep. I never wanted to wake up again.

I don't recall what the next few days were like, I've probably repressed
the memories. I will say this. we never spoke about it.... not ever. I'm
guessing that he was sure I was so ashamed that I would never do it
again. If so he was definitely wrong. It wasn't long before I was making
love to that cute girl in the mirror again! I have more recollections which
I might share at another time.

Kisses!

chrissie