This a side story off to my main work, Three Simple Words. Why? Because I can. See, my body is relapsing due to my personal life (See Dear Tyler). So, what better way to express oneself than by writing a story? So yeah, just wanted to get this feeling out there.
This is a major feel story; there's no sex involved, so this is not for the weak of heart and certainly not for those who wish to get off with a quickie. Other than that, this short story goes out to all the Joshes that we've all experienced at one point in our lives. Just remember, always cherish what you have, and move forward in life with no regrets.
Don't forget to Donate!
So, without further ado...
Oh god... what have I gotten myself into? Why would I even think of doing this?! Why do I torture myself so much over this?!...
No. It's for the best. After all, the original goal was to give him happiness, with or without me. Tsk... I just hope my heart can handle it...
"Hey Kyle, can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Sure Josh, what you need?"
There's that voice again... that lovely... dreamy... manly voice of his... Oh how I want to just wake up from this horrible nightmare.
"You ok man?" he asks, concerned over me.
"Yeah, yeah... I'm fine..." I lie. Of course I'm not fine! Even though you still wanted to remain friends... that's all we are, friends.
"Hey uh listen... I know this chick who's sorta interested in you... You want in?"
"Uh sure..." he begins slowly, "but you okay with it? I mean... with what just happened and all-"
"I'm fine Kyle," I reply back quickly, "I'm... fine... remember what I said to you?"
"Which part again?" he scratches the back of his head.
I exaggerate a sigh, "The part about you being happy with your life, remember?"
"Oh!... That part... Yeah, I remember," he grins at me, "Just messing with you."
A sudden pain strikes my heart. Gah! Why must he smile at me like that?! Doesn't he know that it hurts me because I'm not the one who caused it?...
Of course he doesn't... or actually he does... I don't know anymore! This whole thing is too complex!
"So yeah... you interested?" I ask for what seems like the umpteenth time.
"Yeah I guess..." Kyle replies, "But you're sure about this? I mean, if you're not ready-"
"Dude, you shouldn't be tied down because of me," I keep trying to tell him. Deep down though, I just want this horrible nightmare to end already. I just want to wake up from this horrid dream and laugh it off... But I can't, because this is reality.
"If you say so bro."
"Good. Friday, 7PM. I'll give her your digits so you two can get together."
Before he can reply, I run down the hall and away from him. I just kept running and running, as if every step I take will force me closer to waking up. Tears start forming near the corners of my eye as I make way to the track field.
By the time I get there, I'm a mess. God, why does this have to happen to me?! Everything was suppose to be perfect!... Kyle saying yes to my proposal... Us being together... Me bringing his happiness... Why him?!... Seriously, out of all people, why my best friend?!...
I lean against the fence and slump down, hands covering my face as I weep. Good thing nobody every comes out here during lunch.
"Ok... get it together Josh... now it's your turn to remember why you're doing this..." I tell myself. I must be going crazy... "You are doing this because your ultimate goal was for Kyle to be happy. Whether you bring it to him or not, Kyle deserves the absolute happiness and nothing lower. Even if it means... ultimately sacrificing your own happiness to see that happening."
Oh who am I kidding?! Yes, part of that lie is true, but the main reason why I'm doing this is so that hopefully, I can get over that god-like boy off my mind. Through my twisted way of thinking, if he's taken, I'll have to move on. Damn it! Why?!
And... the waterworks pour down again... I'm still in denial... hoping that it's all a bad dream. Yeah-yeah I know; I said this before. But really, please just let it be a bad dream... Please just let me wake up. Better yet, let me wake up with Kyle in my arms... with his fluffy, golden locks nuzzled up against my nose... with his amazing, chiseled, twink-like body pressed up against me...
I sigh deeply for a while, compressing that pain in my heart as best as I could, before pulling out my phone.
After a couple of rings, I muster all the pseudo everything's fine voice that I can, "Hey Diana, Kyle says he wants to go on a date with you."
"Oh really? What made him think that?"
"I don't know, but he says he's too shy to ask you himself. So here I am, being his wingman," I joke.
"Well... sure, why not," Diana replies.
"Great! I'll tell him to come pick you up at 7 on Friday."
"That sounds good."
"Mhm, I'll text you his number so you guys can talk out the details later."
"Ok thanks. Bye Josh," she concludes.
"Bye Diana..." I hang up and quickly text her Kyle's number.
After the message is transmitted, I sigh loudly again while holding the phone close to my chest. That pain in my heart just refuses to leave... How can I best describe it? Well...
Imagine Cupid's arrow never vanishing from your heart. Instead, it transforms into this thin, black arrow that ever so slowly pierces your heart, causing the most unbearable pain you will ever feel. And this is just the first part.
The second part is the heart's surroundings. See, on top of that needle penetrating my heart, there are these chains that squeeze the life out of it. And every time these chains squeeze, they drag my heart lower and lower into the abyss.
Through this pain, I can understand why people cut themselves now. This pain is so insufferable, so intolerable that people have to exert physical pain on their body's because physical pain hurts less in comparison.
And the only way to stop this pain? Love... but not just love from anybody. It has to be love from Kyle... Perfect, golden-boy Kyle whose smile alone can melt any arrow and destroy any chains.
But I can't have that... I never will. Again... why?... What did I ever do to deserve this?... Can someone... anyone give me an answer? No... actually, don't give me an answer. Actually, give me somebody who can hug me as I cry my eyes out.
But who would want me as a boyfriend? I'm not the smartest in a bunch. I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world with the simple brown, messy hair with brown eyes. My dick isn't the greatest looking dick in the world... I don't have muscles that other guys seem to go crazy for, and I certainly am hopeless when it comes to romance...
Quite honestly, Kyle was my one and only hope for love. My one chance at feeling special and that warmth from your other's presence... Now, I'm just stuck with nothing but saddness, emptiness, and worst of all, loneliness...
*Some time later*
"Hey Josh," Kyle calls out to me with Diana in hand. It's been a month roughly, and I still haven't gotten over him... To makes things worse, every time I see him with Diana, a little part of me dies.
"Oh hey Kyle. What's up man?" I feign my smile.
He kisses Diana with a goodbye kiss and tells her, "See you tomorrow." "Anyways, just wanted to tell you thanks man," he hushes in a low tone, "For introducing me to Diana... Things have gotten pretty serious between us."
"Oh..." my heart sinks even more, "No problem bro."
"Hey... you still okay with this?" he brings up...
"Yeah, I'm fine Kyle... You weren't that pretty to look at anyways," I mislead him jokingly. Of course, as we all know, I desperately wanted to rip apart his shirt and kiss him all over.
"So nothing's going on between us right?" he raises an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?" I ask, busying myself by getting the books I needed for homework in my locker.
"I mean, you've rarely come over anymore," he slumps his shoulders.
"Oh, I've been really busy with school and all. You know how it is with the teaches bombarding us with work," I play it off.
Little does he know, I couldn't bare being alone in a room with him. Quite frankly, I don't know what my desperate mind will do that this point. Will my mind just shut off and attack him out of sheer lust? Or will it mentally break down as I bawl my eyes out?
"If you want, we could hang this weekend," he brings up with a hint of hope in his eyes. "Diana's going out of town this weekend, and I have nothing to do, so..."
"Sure. That'd be great," Oh fuck! What did I just say?! See! This is what I meant by not trusting in myself.
"Great! It's a date!" he realizes what he just said and shuts his mouth. "Sorry Josh... it was a slip of my tongue- a mess up-"
"It's fine Kyle," I reassured him by smiling, "Like I said, I got over it." No I didn't!
"That's a relief," he sighs, "About you not being sad I mean."
"Jeeze Kyle, you're impossible at times."
"Yeah I know... tell you what. When I have time, I'll look for a boyfriend for you," he grins.
"Shh! Not so loud," I rasp at him, "Jeeze, tell the whole world why don't yah?"
"Sorry, but seriously. It's the least I can do for you."
Psh, yeah right... the least you could've done was at the very least give me a chance... One fucking chance Kyle! One. Fucking. Chance!
"Haha... well if you're up to it," I say instead. We bump fists and head out own directions back home.
After a quick greet towards my parents, I rush into my room, lock the door behind me, and crawl onto my bed. It's been pretty much the same routine now ever since Kyle rejected me. I'd get on my bed, hug the shit out of my pillow, and bawl my eyes out.
I really don't know just how much lower I can go... I've hit rock bottom in life... It's like, my body's just given up on it. There's no will in me to live anymore... No matter what I keep telling myself about Kyle being content in life, I still can't accept the fact that he said no.
He was my best friend... He was suppose to say yes and come crying into my arms with bundles of joy! I was suppose to be the one doing unspeakable thing with him! Not Diana! Oh god... why did I even introduce her to him in the first place?
Why won't this pain in my hear just, go, away? Huh? Why can't I be happy for once? Why can't I have someone to love? To cherish? To protect? Huh?! Why can't I have that magical experience all those love stories share? Why, for the love of god, can't life go the way I wanted it to go?!
People say it gets easier as time goes by, but I don't see it getting better. In fact, I think it's getting worse! How can crying my eyes out every fucking day and feeling this inhumane pain every day be getting better? How?
Tsk... ok Josh... come down... Remember, it's all about Kyle's happiness. Look on the bright side, he's having the time of his life now because of you. Isn't that what you wanted in the first place? And he did say he was going to look for someone for you. It's wishful thinking, yes. But hey, you never know... Right?
I managed to calm myself down and lie in bed. Yeah... the only bright side about all this is with all this pain, I've managed to mature rapidly. It's weird, but I consider myself more of an adult now, even at this young age. Like always, I sigh deeply once more and sit up on my bed.
"As long as he's happy..."
So yeah... very raw, short, and kinda bad now that I read it over. But eh, it's already been written. Be a shame not to post it. Don't judge! This was written at 2AM in the morning! Anywho, hope you guys experienced all them feelings gushing out. ^^ Chapter 28 of Three Simple Words should be out sometime this week! So keep an eye out for that!
PS- you can always send me email about any of the three stories I've listed at this email.