The Pellegrine - Memories 6 - Erik’s Dilemma

Date: 30 April 2661, Tuesday

Erik could tell that Jorg was still very affected by his memories. His great uncle had to muster a lot of energy to contain himself. Erik found himself putting his hand on Jorg's shoulders.

“I’m okay, Erik. Thanks,” said a very appreciative Jorg. Then taking a deep breath, Jorg continued, “Martin was in depression. He was suffering a mid-life crisis. I had forgotten to age myself with him. When he died, he was sixty-one. His appearance was that of a man in his early fifties. However, I was still looking like someone in his thirties. Perhaps the saying ‘Love is Blind’ is true. I didn’t even notice that he was growing old. I loved the man inside and not his appearance. I believe that his obsession with exercise to keep young was his way of handling the differences in our appearances. He even went to have micro-cosmetic surgery done just to keep looking younger. I should have known why he became insecure whenever he saw someone young with me. He hid all his insecurities, emotions and turmoils from me. I had kept a psychic block, thinking that what I won’t know would somehow help in the relationship. He had come home utterly depressed and I didn’t know. I will never know what thoughts and feelings he had when he woke up that Valentine’s Day without me by his side.” Jorg took out a handkerchief and tactfully wiped his eyes. “I was devastated and went into a deep depression. When I was completely healed, I told myself, No more. Love has too much heartache. I was wrong.”

“You fell in love the third time?” Erik asked.

“Yes. It was when I was two hundred and forty-three. This time, I was more cautious. I’d aged myself visually as well as emotionally. Stephen — that’s his name — lived till he was eighty and died in my arms. We’d a wonderful thirty-seven years. It took me the same amount of time to mourn his death. I was in the rescue corps when he died. In the next hundred years that followed, I made my name as the most efficient rescuer but did everything in cold precision without any warmth. Then I was elected into the council when I was reaching four hundred eighty. You know I only did one term and refused a second. I felt that fifty years was too long a time as a councillor. I was slipping into greater and greater despondency because I was afraid to love again. I was rescued by a nine hundred year-old woman ex-councillor.”

“You mean Silver Falcon? She’s the only person in our community to have ever lived that long and be councillor as well.”

Jorg smiled. Erik was not only efficient in the human world, he had kept up with the community as well. ”Yes Erik. Silver Falcon was dying and she needed someone who was cold enough not to bend to her every need if she became senile. I was fortunate, she died very sane and in full possession of her mental faculties and abilities. She taught me the importance of letting the past go and to embrace the present and to look forward to the future.”

Erik looked crestfallen.

“What’s the matter Erik?”

“I’ve just realised that whatever happens, I’ll end up with a broken heart. If Danny accepts me, I’ll have to experience his death. If he rejects me, I’ll still end up with a broken heart. If I choose to tell the truth, those two eventualities would still be there. If I withold the truth, I’d only have to deal with his death but there’d still be heartache.”

“Yes Erik. That is what happens to us when we fall in love. You could choose nullification, you know?”

“I’m proud of who and what I am,” answered Erik. ”Nullification would negate everything. I doubt I could love Danny as I do now if I were just a shadow of my real self.”

“So, you realise why I’m here, then?”

“Yes Great Uncle …”

“Just call me Jorg. We look only several years apart. Let’s not invite questions by you calling me Great Uncle. Furthermore,” grinned Jorg, ”I sound old when you call me that. I still feel hale and hearty.”

“Yes … Jorg!” Erik said with a smile. He realised his great uncle was treating him as an equal now.

“Have you decided what to tell him?” Jorg asked.

“No. I think it’s best for you to tell me if he can handle the truth.”

“Have you decided how to explain the file he found in your bedroom?”

“It was very careless of me to leave that file there. I should have taken it with me when I left,” said Erik with regret and frustraton in his voice.

“Remember to learn from the mistake, then let go of the past and look forward to the next day. If you continue to live in the past, you’d never get out of your teenager mentality,” advised Jorg.

“Yes, you’re right. I’ve decided to tell him what he needs to know regarding the file. I could say that I couldn’t handle the barebacking but was too insecure to tell him. I managed to get my sources to select three young men suitable to be his partner and tried to get the two of them together.”

“If he asks how you got the information?”

“Miriam helped me with that one,” Erik’s voice showed a little relief. “I’ll say that the motel had three young men short-listed for the job of driver and I’d bribed the motel owner a lot to get him to hire Al Cohen.”

“Good,” said Jorg rubbing his hands and finishing up the expresso he had ordered. “ And how are you holding up?”

“Not well, I’m afraid. My emotions are running very high.”

“That’s why I’m here. You were courageous enough to ask for help regarding the control of emotions. I hadn’t dared to ask for help when Martin died. Fortunately, my mother came to the rescue. I’d wanted to face my emotions alone when Stephen died but the councillors forced a controller on me for my own good. I’m glad you had more sense than me.”

“I’ve been trying to find a way to explain to him why we really can’t have sex without protection but can’t.”

“It’s not easy. You’d have to tell him what you really are. Humans tend to think that we’re monsters or some kind of mutants. They can’t understand that we’ve evolved differently from them.”

“Yes, I know. How do I tell him that when we make love without protection, he’ll gradually loose his life energies to me and then he’ll die?”

Jorg laughed. ”You sound like a male version of the succubus of ancient human mythology.”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Erik asked. ”We’re some kind of succubi?”

“No. We don’t consciously draw in their life energies. It happens because of our natural ability to absorb more energies than humans. Wait, don’t they teach you these things anymore when you’re undergoing basic magi training?”

“Yes they do … I just wondered whether the myths are connected in some way to our kind. It’s a shame that we can’t shut down this natural absorption; then we could then have sex without protection.”

“True, but our biological functioning’s for the purpose …” Jorg started.

“I know, I know, … the purpose of aiding the human species in reaching it’s proper evolutionary goal. That’s what I’ve learnt in training. Jorg, I think we shouldn’t delay any longer. I need to see Danny.”

“Alright,” replied Jorg as he got up. As Erik was settling the bill, Jorg’s mind scanned outside the building.

As the two of them exited the building, Jorg became visible only to the people inside the cafeteria. Then he separated from Erik and moved into an empty dark corner, which he had scanned just a few moments before. Turning invisible immediately, he caught up with Erik. He walked behind his great nephew as they neared Danny’s home. Danny lived in a small cottage with a large front garden. There was a small picket fence surrounding it. A gate opened to a narrow driveway that led to the front door.

Jorg kept a mental link with Erik as Erik rang the bell at Danny’s gate.

“Who is it?” a voice came through the intercom at the gate.

“It’s me, Erik.”

Jorg noted a sharp emotional spike and immediately latched onto the owner of that spike. It took only a few moments to confirm that it was Danny.

“Come in,” Danny answered as the gate unlocked itself.

Danny opened the door before Erik reached it.

“Come in,” Danny said a second time, this time personally to Erik. His voice was not exactly icy but it was definitely not as loving as Erik had heard the last time they were together.

Jorg was giving Erik little commands at the moment to facilitate his entry into the house. Going through walls was possible but if it could be avoided, so much the better. Erik stepped into the door way and looked into Danny’s eyes.

“Are you sure?” Erik asked as he edged towards Danny. Danny became a little uncomfortable as he retreated a little, widening the doorway so that Jorg had enough space to slip into the house behind Erik.

“Uh … yes,” Danny answered, feeling awkward.

Erik moved into the living room.

*Keep eye contact with him!* Jorg told Erik in his mind.

Erik turned towards Danny as he came into the living room after closing the door.

“You came back very fast!” Danny said.

“I never went to Neptune at all,” Erik admitted.

“What?!!” Danny exclaimed.

“I know you saw the file in my bedroom.”

“What file?” Danny asked hastily

“Danny, I came home and found it cleaned and there was only one person who’d do that. The entrance record shows your entry. I’d left the file in the bedroom. There was no chance you’d overlooked it.”

“Yes … the file,” said Danny in a low voice. &;ldquo;Erik, is there something you need to tell me? Are you actually a cover for the mafia or something? You’ve all the information of the young man I met at Florida. I mentioned him to you on the communicator and you checked him out immediately?”

“No, I’m not in any underworld society. I actually paid a lot for the contents of that file and a significant amount as well to get Al Cohen a job at the motel.”

“Weirder and weirder! Why, Erik? I suddenly think I don’t know you anymore!”

“Okay!” Erik said excitedly. His words were quick and nervous. “I can’t handle not using rubbers! I know it sounds strange. I wasn’t an innocent producer you know? Before you, there were many boys who wanted good parts for movies. I slept with many boys! I didn’t want any proviruses to enter you!”

“Don’t you think the medical scanners would have found any deadly proviruses by now?”

“Maybe I’m paranoid, but these boys weren’t just from Earth, they were from all over the solar system, having lived on other planets. I’m just so afraid. When I heard that you were tired, I got more paranoid. Before I met you, I actually caught the AIDS virus. I’ve cleansed that out of my system. It was not a easy process, I assure you. It has escaped the tabloids because I’m not that famous a producer. However, you’re a famous star. I don’t want you to go through that experience …”

“Then why didn’t to just tell me?” Danny asked.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you. I knew it meant a lot to you. So I planned to let you get to know a boy at the motel and then when you were interested in the boy, send you a message to tell you I’m breaking up with you. I know that if I said it to you face to face, you wouldn’t believe me. I’m past fifty, Danny, I’ll be old and withered when you’re in your prime; you need someone younger and more handsome.”

Danny looked at Erik strangely, ”I don’t know whether to be angry or to be amused. That’s the most riduculous plan that I’ve ever heard.”

“Well, it didn’t work of course,” sighed Erik. “When I heard from the manager that you’d gone up to stay for the weekend and I retrieved the message that you were coming only two weeks later, I thought it was all working out. You were actually spending time with the Cohen boy. Then three days later, the manager rang up to tell me that Al told him that you were sleeping in the living room and you’d only stayed the weekend. When I found the room cleaned by you, I knew that my plan had totally failed. I came here to tell you that I love you but I don’t know if I could handle this barebacking any further.”

Danny ran forward to give Erik a huge hug. ”Oh Erik. All you had to do was tell me. I don’t care if we only fuck once a month. I know that I want to be with you. I love you.”

“I’m not that old yet …” Erik said with a little pout.

Danny laughed. ”I’m a little mad that you thought so poorly of me but I also know that you went through a lot of trouble because you loved me and wanted what was best for me.”

“So, are you mad or not?” Erik asked.

“What do you think?” asked Danny.

Erik walked towards the door and opened it. ”Guess I’d have to go then …”

Danny rushed up to him and stopped him from opening the door further. ”You silly man! It’ll take me a little time to get over this silly situation, but I do forgive you. The rubber thing is such a small thing. I love you, rubbers or no rubbers.”

The lovers kissed as Danny’s hand pushed the door back to its closed position.

Jorg had slipped out when the door was open. Then he put a mental note into Erik’s mind. *Contact me tomorrow or whenever you get out of the house. I need to instruct you on the aging illusion, especially the emotional aging part.* Jorg gave a small smile because Erik did not respond. He had a feeling that the two of them would be in the house for quite a few days. Luckily, mental notes cannot be ignored once they are attached.